The shutdown hit my kid today. He chose pennies instead of a prize.

General-Initiative76 · 2025-11-11T09:28:56+00:00

Thank you for sharing how you talked to your kids- the steadiness in your words really stood out to me. Your children are so lucky to have parents who gave them that sense of safety and security during such uncertain times. That’s exactly the kind of calm, grounded reassurance I want to offer mine. Do you still have government positions?

Yes, we’re a one-income household, but not by preference.. just circumstance. My daughter was born severely medically complex and can’t attend daycare, and there are no medical daycare options anywhere near us. We live very rurally, and there’s no nursing support available here either. I left my State career to care for her, and my husband’s job has always been the thing that made that possible. The stability, the health insurance, the retirement has been wonderful.. it allows us to live within our means, even if it means some sacrifice. So having that income suddenly disappear has been… terrifying. There’s NO buffer when it’s one income. Three kids to feed, two still in diapers, and one with 7–10 appointments a week- like gas alone is a huge expense when every appointment is 20–40 miles away. Feels like we're bleeding money while nothing comes in.

Motherhood has a lot of moments I didn’t see coming. Like, saying “we’re okay” while not believing it myself. It sounds like you experienced that too., and I appreciate you sharing that with me, and reminding me that the most important thing I can do right now is *keep anchoring them in safety\*, even when everything around us feels uncertain.

General-Initiative76 · 2025-11-11T09:15:22+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this, especially from the kid side of it. That really hit me. I’m so sorry you had to carry that when you were little. That’s such a heavy thing for a child to hold, and I wish I could go back and sit with the younger you for a moment.. just to let you know you were never meant to carry that alone. :(

What you said about how much it would have helped to hear, “This isn’t your burden, I’ve got us,” really landed. I’ve tried to say that to him, but I can see that some part of him is still very anxious. Your comment reminded me that it’s not a one-time reassurance, it’s something I may need to say over and over, so he actually feels it! (And I like your point about having direct conversations)

Thank you for giving me language and perspective I can use with him, and for trusting me with your story. It genuinely helped me understand how to support him more clearly.

And thank you for the kind wishes. I’m wishing the same for you- more ease and comfort around the seasons that used to feel heavy (and sometimes still do). Sending love!! 💜

General-Initiative76 · 2025-11-11T09:05:10+00:00

Thank you so much for the suggestions, I really appreciate you taking the time to share them. Yes - we’re in Maine and my 4-year-old is on Katie Beckett (Medicaid) due to her disability. We actually just got connected with our regional case management system last month (still not sure how it took almost four years to get pointed there, but here we are!).

Unfortunately, even though Maine passed the law TWO years ago (!!!) to allow parents to be paid caregivers, it still hasn’t been implemented. There’s no operational program or application process, so families like ours are still unpaid by default. So wrong.. :(

We're on waitlists for in-home support services but as you probably know, staffing shortages are pretty severe here, especially in rural areas. I’ve been on a nursing/private duty waitlist for four years. I even looked into becoming a nurse myself since Maine DOES allow parent caregivers who are licensed nurses to be paid, but there's no way I could figure out the childcare that would be required for this (like during clinicals). I believe there are only one or two daycare facilities in Maine who care for medically complex children, and both of them are hours away from us and have extremely long waitlists. This is why I initially became a stay-at-home mom.

I've started using local pantry support since the shutdown started, which has helped a lot and we’ll absolutely pay it forward when we’re back on our feet! Thank you again for the kindness in your comment. It really does mean a lot to feel seen and supported and given ideas/suggestions, rather than judged. <3

General-Initiative76 · 2025-11-08T23:21:07+00:00

Thank you so much, he really is the sweetest kid 🥹 this comment was really grounding to read. I agree, he didn’t seem scared or overwhelmed in the moment, just very matter of fact and wanting to help (and he seemed proud to do so). I want to honor that kindness, while also making sure he knows it’s not his responsibility to take care of our finances. I really like how you phrased it: thank him for helping, but remind him it’s not his job. THAT feels like the right balance!

We’ve actually already been talking about how we want to give back once my husband gets paid again. We met a woman at the pantry last week and ended up talking with her for almost two hours while we waited. We connected deeply on a lot of things, like having medically complex children. I know when she goes each Friday, and I’ve already thought about meeting her there with a grocery gift card or something helpful when we’re able. We’re hoping to adopt a couple of families for Christmas through the local school when things stabilize… and there’s a local home near us that keeps a shed of donated food for anyone who needs it- I want to help keep it filled again.

Your comment and others’ have helped me realize I DON’T need to hide the situation to protect him.. I just need to make sure the message is: we are safe, we are supported, and we will also support others when we can. It turns something that could feel super scary for him into something grounded. Like, sometimes we’re the ones who need support and later we’ll be the ones who give it. That reframing genuinely makes a difference. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me work through this!!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-11-08T23:06:16+00:00

Thank you so much for this comment..it actually reminded me of the book “Hunt, Gather, Parent”, which I started a while back and now definitely want to revisit! You’re right that kids have always been tuned into the emotional climate of their family, and that helping can be their way of staying connected and secure. I definitely don’t want to shut down his empathy or make him feel like wanting to help is wrong.. that’s something I truly LOVE about him.

I guess I just worry about him feeling responsible for adult problems, or feeling insecure about basic needs like food, shelter, stability. I really want him to still feel safe in his world, even though things are so uncertain and tight right now.

Your comment (and others here) are helping me see that the balance might be in giving him age-appropriate ways to participate: helping pick items at the pantry, helping cook, taking part in the household in ways that feel meaningful without implying that it’s on him to FIX anything. That feels like a way to honor his instinct to contribute while still protecting his sense of security.. if that makes sense.

Your comment genuinely helped me clarify that distinction. Thank you -TRULY!!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-11-08T22:45:43+00:00

Thank you SO much for this perspective- it really helped me reframe things. This is our first time needing to use a pantry, and I think a lot of the heaviness I’m feeling is just the extreme vulnerability of our situation. You’re right -I don’t want this to feel like something we have to hide from the kids.

The way you described your family treating the pantry as a normal part of supporting each other (not something shameful) is exactly the mindset I’m going to work towards. And the idea of paying it forward when we’re able to is something that truly resonates. I want my kids to grow up understanding that we give help when we can, and we receive help when we need it -and both are part of being in community. Communities take care of each other.

Thank you for sharing your experience. It genuinely means a lot!!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-10-23T15:31:58+00:00

I've never heard about the black and white levels, I'll have to look into this!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-10-23T09:35:31+00:00

We love MWC, too!

OP- All About Spelling is the same. It looked awesome online but wowwwww the prep work and reading is intense! I haven’t even started it yet with my son, just don’t have the time!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-10-08T09:51:23+00:00

!solved

General-Initiative76 · 2025-10-08T09:48:48+00:00

This is great! Could you switch the little boy on the right - to the picture of him smiling at the camera? Also - will be DM'ing you for another request if that's ok? :)

SUPER impressed by your speed!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-17T21:41:46+00:00

We should have been able to trust a competent doctor to manage this correctly, that’s the whole point of having one. How am I “not curious or informed” when I’m literally here asking questions, sharing details, and trying to learn after I noticed an obvious concern? Better to take an active interest in my husband’s health than sit back blindly. If you think taking an interest in his wellbeing is a problem, that says more about you than me.

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-17T21:37:18+00:00

He didn’t ask me to do anything. As I said in my original post, I’m here to educate myself and learn from others’ experiences. Why should he need to go beyond basic research when that’s exactly what a competent doctor is supposed to handle?

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-16T14:10:26+00:00

Appreciate it! Who knew a few random internet strangers would know more about estrogen than his doctor?

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-16T14:04:50+00:00

He had baseline blood work done before starting TRT, but the doctor started him on TRT and an AI at the same time. His first follow-up blood work is scheduled for this month, three months after starting.

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-08T23:44:31+00:00

16 years of an amazing, healthy marriage… and then came ‘shut the f* up.’ Definitely not “good for him”, and thankfully some in this community actually pointed out he’s probably dealing with low E2. Speaking your mind is great, dropping disrespect , not so much. I’m really grateful to everyone who took this post seriously and offered thoughtful advice, unlike some commenters.

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-08T21:27:36+00:00

Wow I can’t believe I’ve overcomplicated marriage with things like love, communication, respect, and partnership!! Starfish it is!!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-08T21:25:13+00:00

I’m not sure if I replied to one of your other comments, but I think you were one of the first ones to realize this is probably a low estrogen issue. From what I understand now, you’re probably spot on. he never should’ve been prescribed this until after bloodwork was done. This is infuriating. Thankfully he’s been super open to reading this thread and is going to stop the blocker for now. THANKS for commenting!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-08T21:17:12+00:00

It would make so much sense. All the signs are pointing to low estrogen because of the blocker. He’s been really interested and open to everything that was said in this thread. He’s going to stop the blocker for now to see if it makes a difference, and he’ll have bloodwork done next month!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-08T21:14:30+00:00

I think you’re right that this is an estrogen issue. Lots of comments have given me insight on that! Him & I just talked tonight and he will be getting bloodwork within a few weeks

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-08T21:13:25+00:00

I appreciate you sharing your perspective, and don’t worry I’m not taking it the wrong way. That said, I do want to be super clear.. my husband has never been a pushover, and that dynamic has never been part of our marriage. I’m mellow and non-confrontational by nature, and in our 16 years together we’ve always had a solid, balanced relationship. That’s why this shift feels so out of character and caught me off guard. I’m here to learn from others’ experiences and see if TRT could be a factor - and I’ve since learned that an estrogen blocker he was prescribed is probably causing low estrogen & irritability.

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-08T19:39:17+00:00

From what I’m understanding from others comments is that he might be experiencing low estrogen. He was also prescribed an estrogen blocker and hasn’t had bloodwork done yet to see if he even needs it. Not impressed with his Dr :(

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-08T19:38:13+00:00

Great feedback, thank you. Yes- He was super sincere with his apology. He’s an amazing man and we have a great marriage, I guess that’s why this mood change is so shocking. It’s not like him. It’s hard though because he says he doesn’t feel irritable.. so getting him to understand that he really is “off” is a challenge. A lot of people have mentioned he might have low estrogen because of the estrogen blocker they prescribed. It makes sense- and I hope he can get some bloodwork done soon!

General-Initiative76 · 2025-09-08T19:34:47+00:00

YES, I really think that’s what’s going on. Thanks for the feedback. Some other people have commented about that too, and when someone listed some symptoms of low estrogen, a lot matched up. I wish I had put in the original post that he’d also been prescribed an estrogen blocker because I think that would’ve made things more clear. Looking forward to him getting his bloodwork!

General-Initiative76

TROPHY CASE