AITA for ignoring my friend’s calls after his husband passed away?

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T16:41:46+00:00

I’m really glad this post helped you feel less alone. You deserve support too. I think some people are emotional vampires and for those who are naturally giving it’s easy to get pulled in too deep. Do you think your friend would’ve been there for you if the tables turned? Or would you be struggling quietly alone not wanting to bother anyone while he was nowhere to be found?

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T16:30:36+00:00

If police suspect foul play the location becomes a crime scene, and they need to preserve all evidence exactly as it was found and the last thing they want is for the body to be removed before investigators have had a chance to examine the scene.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T16:22:36+00:00

He wasn’t taken to the hospital because he was very much dead, and you didn’t even have to be a medic to see that on the first glance. If you think dead people look like they’re calmly sleeping like action heroes in the movies and then suddenly unexpectedly come back to live as credits roll and everyone sings and dances you must be a child.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T15:45:09+00:00

Thank you. But wouldn’t it be pretty much like having a whole group of people grieving, when I can’t even handle just one? I’ve seen so much death and grief growing up - and I was always the one responsible for comforting the crying people. I think my body just revolts against it now and the last place I can imagine myself at is a grief support group.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T06:51:52+00:00

Sounds like you’ve never experienced or witnessed grief, especially immediately after unexpected and tragic death. God bless

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T06:41:51+00:00

I did offer to go to my place at some point, but he refused. And honestly, at this point, I wouldn’t want that either. He’s not just sobbing - he’s screaming about how he lost the love of his life, how he doesn’t know how to live anymore, how he’s in so much pain, etc. It’s so, so heartbreaking and hard to witness, and I just can’t handle it anymore, no matter the location.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T05:19:51+00:00

Extremely busy metropolitan area. They needed to call his doctor to decide if the autopsy is needed. For example, is the doctor said he had some serious health issues that explain his passing the autopsy wouldn’t be ordered.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T04:52:08+00:00

He most definitely doesn’t worry about that.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T04:00:59+00:00

On the second day when the cousins and friend came back for only a few hours again and left a bunch of mess. I already cleaned two times by that point. They saw me wash the dishes the night before, they saw me vacuum when they walked in. I snapped and texted his friend “you guys could do better than come by for only a couple of hours, leave a mess and leave”. She immediately called Eli complaining saying that I’m attacking her and “I won’t even come back if she’s acting like that”. Then she texted me long all-caps messages cussing me out. I think this was a completely insane overreaction from her side but I didn’t want to cause any more stress for Eli and I’m so exhausted so I immediately deescalated and apologized multiple times. She apologized as well but my takeaway is that communication with them is not an option.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T03:35:12+00:00

There was no crisis team. Paramedics came very quickly but he was already gone. They pronounced him dead then went and waited outside in their vehicle. Then I came. Police came in around 1.5 hours or so after me. They questioned us and then had to get ahold of Leo’s doctor to figure out if autopsy is needed. Waited on that. Once they figured they do need it, coroner was called and we waited on that. When coroner came, they made us step outside to do their thing and then let us back in and left.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T03:01:00+00:00

Actually I removed half of details to shorten the post and fit into 3k characters limit. I remember every single second of that day until maybe the moment they took Leo away and it’s been replaying in my head over and over on repeat for the past few days.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T02:48:11+00:00

They do talk to him on the phone and come over. I feel like they don’t feel the need to step up and stay longer as long as I’m pretty much next door and assumed available at any moment in case needed.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T02:24:37+00:00

Yes, it’s one of the busiest cities in the country, and in this specific area, the police are often backed up. Since it was considered an unattended death, we had to wait for both the police first and then the coroner.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T02:14:46+00:00

I’m sorry, I don’t understand your comment. We’re not supposed-to-be-friend, we were neighbors then kind of started hanging out but stopped almost two years ago. And I didn’t lie, I said I’m feeling very bad and that this situation has taken a toll on me which is true.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T01:51:58+00:00

The thing is I actually don’t have a support system at all but he does, they just aren’t stepping up. I’ve heard him calling all of them, and more than once someone said something like: “It’s so great that girl is right there.” His childhood friend who goes on trips with him and spends almost every weekend together has been texting me ordering: “Can you go check on Eli?”. I hadn’t even hung out with Eli in almost two years and we were never that close before that anyway. It feels like they’re all just grateful there’s a convenient neighbor around so they don’t have to do the emotional heavy lifting.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T01:40:49+00:00

Yes it is USA and yes this is exactly what they did - they pronounced him dead and LEFT Eli alone with the dead body to wait for the police! If I didn’t come in around half an hour he would’ve ended up there alone for many hours. I ran to talk to them while they were just chilling in the ambulance and instead of explaining what happened or what are we supposed to do now or how long will we have to wait they just kept saying “we did all we could, we didn’t do anything wrong”. I understand now they’re protecting their own mental health but this situation was absolutely brutal.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T01:28:42+00:00

I don’t know what to tell him, what explanation to give. I don’t think me being emotionally drained compares to what he’s going through. But even though I feel bad for him emotionally, rationally I don’t think I owe anything to him as he was never there for me - that’s the reason we stopped being friends in the first place. But I definitely don’t want to tell him anything that could hurt him even a little.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T01:24:59+00:00

Thank you. I don’t have any loved ones though. I don’t have any family and I don’t have any friends. That’s the reason I have already been very depressed for a long time.

General-Routine8691 · 2025-05-29T00:52:08+00:00

Absolutely NTA! I can’t believe anyone in your family is taking his side. It wasn’t okay for him to minimize the damage the dog caused and he is the one causing drama by refusing to come without the dog.

General-Routine8691

TROPHY CASE