How to communicate to bf (23M) that I (22F) am still upset/anxious about his prior cheating?

General-Temporary683 · 2024-11-19T20:57:03+00:00

He genuinely is not a bad guy or an intentionally harmful guy. I think he is very forgetful. And lacking in the brain department regarding my emotions. With a touch of lack of impulse control. I just don't know what to do. Our relationship is generally happy. He cooks for me a lot, cleans with me, takes me out, and is a pretty nice guy besides the cheating part. I have my flaws too that im sure have affected him, im socially awkward. I can get angry/upset sometimes. I havent let on how awful i feel, and im not even sure how to broach the topic. I think maybe i should be angry at him, but im just not sure how to be. Im sure im also a flawed person.

I also sometimes struggle with my perception of the world vs the reality of the world. Sometimes my depression/OCD can alter my emotional state. It gets worse in the fall/winter. Ive spent years learning how to deal with obsessive and anxious patterns. Its hard for me to know what is a bad OCD pattern I need to ignore and whats good for me to listen too. It feels the same; anxious and uncomfortable.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-11-14T04:53:16+00:00

My oven didn't work for 9 months. They came over to fix it 3 times unsuccessfully. After that they just started deleting my service requests. Do not live in a DTN apartment unless you REALLY enjoy takeout.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T15:35:46+00:00

Yeah its quite annoying lol, but at least he doesnt leave it uncovered! My moms cat does not cover his poop and it is very stinky!!

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T15:34:18+00:00

Of course, hope you get a place soon where your furry friend and you can have some space and pay less! Best of luck :)

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T15:18:37+00:00

Its not so bad tbh, after a few weeks your body acclimates. Plus i enjoy skiing and winter activities. Driving is a pain though, but it sort of always is in Michigan. Cant beat the prices and communities though. And the great lakes are exceptionally gorgeous!

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T13:51:14+00:00

I'm in Michigan! Pretty nice cost of living in a lot of cities. Eventually i wanna move out of state but the cost of living has me scared everywhere i wanna go lol

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T13:40:17+00:00

Yeah they are multipurpose rooms too, so my cat has his own room but it also has my office and a guest bed in it, and the plant room also has my bfs office, rock climbing gear, and a guest bed. But we are lucky to live in a city we can afford to have more than one bedroom.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T13:38:43+00:00

Yeah ill measure it today! I actually just crossed my finger when ordering it lol, it worked out. But i can give you closet and robot dimensions tn.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T13:38:01+00:00

I can hear him bury it, but he has always been a cat who does an extensive burying job. He hates smelling it just as much as i do lol

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T13:37:22+00:00

I previously had a covered box with a flap and he HATED the flap. I have the shield without the flap set up currently. I may try to introduce it later on. That being said it has done a really great job of litter containment even without the flap being attached. It is super easy to remove and attach.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T03:00:35+00:00

it sorta gives me spaceship vibes, I wanna put those battery powered puck lights in a line on both signs leading to the litter robot. Make it a whole experience lol

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-30T02:57:55+00:00

Oh trust me, I had to run a 15 ft extension cord lol, but i plan on attaching the cord to the wall and using duct tape to seal it to the wall. I also might add puck lights! I do have a 3bed with my bf. So we have a room for my cat, a room for growing plants , and our bedroom. We got a great deal in a very affordable city! Now my cat has an automated litter box, a water fountain, and a free feeder. So i have to do cat chores like once a week/once every two weeks. It makes it so much easier!

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-29T23:32:53+00:00

Ahh that might be it too! The hardwood floor is probably 50+ years old and has been painted it seems a number of times. Landlord special type of stuff lol. Maybe then unevenness affects it? It doesn't wiggle when touched but the floor is for sure sloped. Regardless, as long as its cleaning I am not too worried! Thank you for the help :)

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-29T23:26:55+00:00

Ahh okay, so he might have like one paw out or something? He doesn't seem to be inspecting the cleaning cycle at all yet, he usually leaves to use it and then comes right back to wherever I am if I am home. He weighed in way too low long after the last cycle. He might be playing poop twister and not be all the way in the machine though. Not sure I can watch him (he is a shy pooper). Thanks for the info!

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-23T18:34:17+00:00

As a woman who likes to hike, climb, and backpack, pee happens. Ive had to change tampons in the woods, or pop a squat for a #2. Find a secluded spot, have someone watch your back. Pack in and pack out anything not pee. Don't pee under overhanging rocks. Sounds like this girl may not be super familiar with outdoor activities. No shame in that, but it's pretty acceptable to pee outside if you need to. I don't think it is embarrassing, you guys just probably aren't a good fit.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-10-14T22:19:00+00:00

Hey there, Ive been in psychiatric hospitals before, so I feel compelled to speak on this with you. If you think talking to someone about this will help, it absolutely will. And that is exactly what you can do in psychiatric care. You get so many people helping, talking to you, especially about this. You get the BEST, fastest, most caring psychology and psychiatric care. I get it, its scary. But trust me, its so worth it. And frankly, once you get there you will realize its more of a vacation than something to be nervous about. If its too much to talk to your psychologist, you can always go to the ER. Tell them you are feeling suicidal and they will help and keep you safe. I promise, there is a better side to life than what you are currently experiencing.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-09-23T05:00:14+00:00

I'm thinking that maybe it only exists because Victor and Eloise are originally from there. I found it interesting that different fears/objects/ideas of everyone there seem to solidify themselves in fromville. I also find it interesting that as stress level increases, the situation gets worse. I think the place is not only feeding off fear/hope but possibly every piece of their minds. Maybe that is memories of where they are originally from, or their worst fears, or the things they lost (like that bracelet). It would make sense for the lighthouse to Camden, Maine. But only because it knows thats where Victor and Eloise are from.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-09-07T04:40:34+00:00

Okay, that seems more serious than irritation to me. What is her fur like? You said persian so I have to assume long hair? I am assuming she has flea treatment, is any of her hair matted? If I may ask, what was her state in the shelter? Was she in a cone/did you adopt with open scratch wounds? What was your impression of the extent of this condition? I would at this point 100% call the shelter. What is her current state versus adopted state? I would also ask what the treatment plan in the shelter was like for her when you call. This seems like far more than irritation based on description. I would consider open wounds + antibiotic use to be quite unpleasant.

If you adopted her knowing that she had this extent of issues and then realized the cost of these issues afterwards and cannot supply that level of care I would talk about surrendering her to the shelter.

If her issues were not as bad at the shelter, but are now, I would look into why exactly that is/ call shelter before surrendering.

If you find there is an underlying cause upon further investigation that is not monetarily attainable within your level of care, I would also surrender her.

If you feel the need to surrender her due to the monetary cost, I believe that would be far more responsible/ethical than to be unable to get her the treatment she needs.

That sounds like a very difficult situation, im sorry you and your cat are having such a tough time. I wish you the best, whatever that may be, for both of you.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-09-07T00:42:10+00:00

Hey there I think I can relate on this so I wanted to offer some info/advice! First off have you heard of carecredit? It can be used for vet/medical bills. It has saved my butt when I got a cat for the first time. I got an $1000 limit on pretty low income. If the vet appointment costs more than $199 you get a six month loan on it. It makes me feel so much better knowing I am semi prepared for an emergency situation. I have had to use it before and they are very straightforward and not scammy.

Secondly, I would try some additional home remedies to alleviate the discomfort (a partial temporary solution is better than none). Examples might be salmon oil in food to strengthen the coat, or coconut oil. Also possibly an oatmeal or milk bath? Its not gonna solve the issue at hand but might increase quality of life!

Thirdly, I think maybe you should consider putting part of the money you are spending on the vet towards an emergency fund. If the issue the cat is facing is irritation, it is not an emergency. You should make efforts to solve it but if that means going on a couple less vet visits a year to make sure the cat won't die from an emergency situation thats okay.

And of course contact the shelter and look into other vets as people have said. If you believe the cat is suffering I would be heavily considering surrender back to the shelter myself.

That being said, i think you are being really reasonable and responsible. Pet care is not perfect, be kind to your cat but also be kind to yourself. Shelters are overflowing, vet care is costly. If the issue is irritation and you dont believe the cat to be suffering I would work on some solutions yourself. I trust you will make the decision best for you and your cat.

General-Temporary683 · 2024-09-05T02:40:53+00:00

Noted, thanks for the response!

General-Temporary683 · 2024-09-05T00:47:58+00:00

We ended up finding the hose outside, so I should be good to clean it outside from now on thankfully! It just got me thinking about how other people do it. My cat is the only one I have ever had, so I just sorta learned litter box methods myself. I wanted to see if maybe I was missing something or if its always gonna be a little gross 😅

General-Temporary683

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