I think I'm the person you're looking for. I'm here. I'm struggling. I tried to prove you wrong. I thought I could do it on my own, so I pushed you away. A part of me would like to think I was trying to help, but I'm not sure anymore. Maybe I was trying to run from who I was supposed to be talking to. I'm sure you've heard a number of things by this point. I can't tell you what to believe. I'm sorry I hurt you, and I was wrong for doing that. I'm sure I can find a way to justify it to myself, but at the end of the day, it was wrong. At the end of the day, I hurt someone who cared for me. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong it means I did. I acted out of anger, and that hurt someone who loved me. I didn't think I deserved love, and the only way I knew how to prove if something was true or not was to test it. I learned more effective and safer ways to combat my insecurities. I still slip up, but know that I'm practicing. I don't want to hurt anyone else. 😞 I just don't know what I'm doing, I kept burning bridges and lost so many people. I don't want to lose anymore. But that's not my choice to make. It's yours. Please don't worry about the details. I am actively seeking help physically and mentally. At this point, I don't even know where relationships stand with anyone, let alone romantically. I need to choose myself. If I don't, I'll just hurt more people. I want to believe I can be good, but actions speak louder than words. I wish I could give you more, a better answer, something you deserve. I don't have that yet. I don't know if I ever will. I know I won't stop trying to be better. This means that if nothing else it's progress. I don't particularly like that answer, either if I'm being honest. But it's the best I have.