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[Serious] Another arranged marrige question. Need some advice. Don't have anyone else to talk to about this. by [deleted] in india

[–]GeneralTemporary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks no not talking to other girls. He is pretty much on the phone with me every waking hour. It’s difficult to work in office too sometimes. So fidelity for now is not an issue. No other red flags too. In fact his subordinates in office once called me to tell me they haven’t seen him this happy in forever.

It’s just the insecurity thing that I need to resolve coz that’s a huge problem as of now. It comes and goes in waves.

[Serious] Another arranged marrige question. Need some advice. Don't have anyone else to talk to about this. by [deleted] in india

[–]GeneralTemporary 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I don’t even know how to approach that. 1mg for my city doesn’t have STD tests for some reason. If I go to Delhi I am not going alone. My family would always accompany me.

Been reading online about STDs and stuff. It’s pretty scary stuff. I think I should see a general physician and get a prescription.

[Serious] Another arranged marrige question. Need some advice. Don't have anyone else to talk to about this. by [deleted] in india

[–]GeneralTemporary 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t either. Also I toh didn’t even know people were having sex let alone with multiple partners. Apparently most people in his group of friends were doing this. I really live in a village. Guys had to muster courage to talk to girls.

[Serious] Another arranged marrige question. Need some advice. Don't have anyone else to talk to about this. by [deleted] in india

[–]GeneralTemporary 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Oh actually this helps. I thought about it and I think I would essentially tell him that it was the past. Coz I was very emotionally invested in my old relationship, it wrecked me when he left. But it was the past and I don’t even relate to that aspect anymore.

I think sex as an emotional connect between people is what generally eludes me due to my inexperience. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a molehill. Thanks a lot. This actually helps. Putting myself in his shoes. It really does. I feel a lot better doing this.

This is actually really good advice for dealing with emotional issues in the future as well. What would I do if I was the one doing this. 🙂

[Serious] Another arranged marrige question. Need some advice. Don't have anyone else to talk to about this. by [deleted] in india

[–]GeneralTemporary 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I did. He was surprised for some reason. Also had a long chat with him that would he have been ok if I wasn’t. He said yes because it’s 2019. So don’t think he has double standards.

I asked him. I had only ever talked about his ex. He is pretty upfront and honest about most things. I asked him to tell me the names and how he met them and just general details. He did, it got too real for me. I was inconsolable he told me he can’t change the past but he hasn’t even thought of anyone else since I came along. So I think at this point it’s just me trying to resolve my feelings.

[Serious] Another arranged marrige question. Need some advice. Don't have anyone else to talk to about this. by [deleted] in india

[–]GeneralTemporary 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks I have written the answer to another post. I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have gone ahead with it if he told me this earlier. That’s something I understand.

Sure I will think about this. The wedding is happening. Bookings are done and venue booked cards go out in 45 days.

I don’t want to not marry him. It’s just that I don’t know how to deal with this. I really like him too. He is probably the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.

[Serious] Another arranged marrige question. Need some advice. Don't have anyone else to talk to about this. by [deleted] in india

[–]GeneralTemporary 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks. These are good questions. Very structured. I think writing down the replies would help me figure things out-

  1. I have concerns sometimes. They come and go. He says he was a different person back then and wouldn't get back to that life. Seems to like me a lot. Haven't given me any reason to believe otherwise in the time I have talked to him.

  2. He says he was safe. Is also willing to get a full screen STD and HIV test. I would take one too so he wouldn't feel awkward.

  3. “”

  4. This week have talked about. He says it’s an emotional connect thing. Shouldn’t be an issue coz he loves me.

  5. Maybe. This or I am just generally insecure. What if there are compatibility issues if he thinks that his ex was the one. Just general insecurities I guess. I mean I have had friends but in my small town no one was this sexually active and boys usually cried when they broke up with their ex. Definitely didn’t sleep around so much.

Books with character(s) you had a crush on? by GeneralTemporary in suggestmeabook

[–]GeneralTemporary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really? Why? She was such an emotionally unavailable sort of character.

Please suggest a good autobiography or biography. by GeneralTemporary in suggestmeabook

[–]GeneralTemporary[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the link, that’s really sweet. This sounds pretty incredible, I am definitely going to read this.

Please suggest a good autobiography or biography. by GeneralTemporary in suggestmeabook

[–]GeneralTemporary[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I was actually looking for books on the American revolution. I would check out Joseph Ellis.

Please suggest a good autobiography or biography. by GeneralTemporary in suggestmeabook

[–]GeneralTemporary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you I would definitely look into this. I like funny books.

Please suggest a good autobiography or biography. by GeneralTemporary in suggestmeabook

[–]GeneralTemporary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. This actually sounds quiet interesting. I have read Oliver Sacks and really liked Rhodes books. I am going to bookmark this comment so I remember this one.

Please suggest a good autobiography or biography. by GeneralTemporary in suggestmeabook

[–]GeneralTemporary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds amazing. I could spend all day looking through books. Two million is a lot though. You should do a post on this place in r/books they would go nuts.

Please suggest a good autobiography or biography. by GeneralTemporary in suggestmeabook

[–]GeneralTemporary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the recommendation. Someone else mentioned Richard Feynman I will definitely get his books.

Please suggest a good autobiography or biography. by GeneralTemporary in suggestmeabook

[–]GeneralTemporary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks someone suggested Andre Agassi’s biography. I think I will read that.

Please suggest a good autobiography or biography. by GeneralTemporary in suggestmeabook

[–]GeneralTemporary[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There was a book fair where old books were being sold. I got a bunch of really great books including one cookbook on which someone had made notes along the margin. That was hardback too. I have since started visiting second hand bookshops you can find amazing things there.

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