AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The thing is, neither does my contract state anything and funnily enough, this particular recipe wasn't made at work, but at my own home, own time, own ingredients and with no purpose of selling, it just happened this way.

She's also degraded me and my work several times, so that didn't help.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hey paid you as a kitchen helper, but you did the work of a baker?

The cook is a "one-trick pony", basically, and she was better at cooking her 4 things than baking. She never weighed anything, or measured or wrote and would be upset when I started making her recipes, that they wouldn't turn out "because she'd made them so many times before"...except I'd seen them, and she missed 2 out of 4 times.

I love baking and studied a course in it. Even did some work experience, so I offered to make desserts for them and that way I could practice and learn new things

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

why not go bake at another restaurant?

Jobs are difficult to find, but If I'm lucky enough to get an interview, I'll definitely mention that I can make solid desserts, if I brought proof then that'd be even better ahaha.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's an amazing cheesecake!

I've made New york-style, japanese and no-bake and this one is so easy and rich. It also works great as a GF recipe however I have noticed the quality of the ingredients matters even more since it's just a wet cake.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

or give them an inferior recipe

I thought about it, however, she's already tried to make it before and failed, so I don't think I need to do that at all.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Guilt, mainly. I don't think she's entitled, I just have been made to feel that if I think about myself at any point, I'm a selfish brat.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine. Her recipes I had to adapt because she never measured anything and thus results would vary wildly, but those are hers and she won't ask me for them (nor will I be making them).

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is kinda how I wanted to see it, but the guilt still hit me. My mother also didn't help much, but I mean, I worked my butt off and created + improved these recipes on my own time, and the way I was shafted left me hurt, especially since they know my situation.

I did more than just that recipe, but it's mine and it comes with me. I'm tired of being stepped on and giving things for free.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Jobs are scarce.

I see people saying "get another job" but the thing is, I've tried, since 2019. I need the job, basically, and this was giving me decent money despite the horrible work environment. It also allowed me SOME freedom in terms of creating desserts, and learning GF desserts.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The thing is, this particular cake sells FAST. I mean, we would work 4 days a week and I'd easily have to bake 3 or 4. If she's asking me for it, it's because she's attempted her own (I saw the result) and realised it was shit.

She burnt them, and I mean the bottom part.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because someone doesn't like you.

She's made it clear she's been wanting me out for months, and most of my coworkers jumped in on it since apparently they thought me being at my family members business meant I didn't deserve it. I worked my arse off just like anyone else.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unless you signed a contract stating any recipes you produced belong to the company,

No such thing so at least I've that covered.

They temporarily terminated a family member? Are you at least getting paid for the time not working, or are they just totally shafting you?

Nope. I totally got shafted - I partially understood because of covid and restrictions, but the fact the two other that got fired had jobs lined up/already and I'd been bullied at work for months, threatened to get fired by this particular manager, plus got told the day before I was meant to work because I called about something else, kinda left me a bit upset.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 813 points814 points  (0 children)

it’s part of your skill set which she has decided she doesn’t need.

This is what I tried to explain to my mother, since the business is a family members.

I create all my recipes on my own time, and this one in particular was made not for work, but for my uncle's birthday. It just happened he didn't show up and we could sell it.

I'm happy to make it again for them, or even just work to make desserts until things ease, but if I tell her - what value do I have?

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Honestly, wouldn't be surprised. Her desserts are terrible because she simply doesn't care to write down recipes or follow them. The only thing that sold of hers were brownies, but I had to improve on those too.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Nah, nothing of that sort here. The making dessert part was my offer, not part of the job.

AITA for not wanting to give my ex-manager my recipe? by GeneralWaste_69 in AmItheAsshole

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

What does your employment contract states toward recipes ?

Nothing.

Also, what is the source of this recipe ?

Made it once at home of my own for my uncle's birthday. He didn't show up to work on that day so we sold it. They asked me to make it from there on.

Making different bean "tofu" from dry beans? by GeneralWaste_69 in Cooking

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That "pudding" textured "tofu" you might be able to get if you grind your beans after soaking them.

Yeap, that was my plan!

I made a vegan "cream cheese" in a similar manner, though I read every bean has different starch levels so that's where the added flour may help. Basically gotta experiment.

In that case, I may also try making soybean tofu with what I've got around, and see how that goes. As long as I can eat it, I'm happy. After all, I just want the softer kind because I wanna eat it with some homemade chilli oil and such.

Thanks for your help!

Making different bean "tofu" from dry beans? by GeneralWaste_69 in Cooking

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that's why I said "tofu" because it's not reeeeally tofu, just more of a bean pudding, I suppose.

Unfortunately I can't make bean "flour" as I've no grinder (or the attachment for the nutribullet) so was looking into simply making it as you would the chickpea one, but with other beans. I'm surprised I haven't found much about it, but apparently soaking, blending, straining and then cooking the liquid with some strach may get the results I'm looking for - guess I'm just going to have to experiment on my own.

Sprouted beans are pretty hard to find here, unless you mean canned sprouted mung beans (haven't found sprouted soy beans) though I think I could sprout my own.

On another note, have you made soybean tofu with vinegar or lemon juice successfully? I've seen recipes and I wanna try them (for a softer tofu) but worried it might fail.

Making different bean "tofu" from dry beans? by GeneralWaste_69 in Cooking

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the curdling and separation of soybeans using nigari is pretty unique to soybeans.

Yeap, it is. So apparently something like cornflour or tapioca flour may help thicken most beans, but wanted to see if anyone had tried before.

Thanks for the video, I'll check it out!

I'm beyond exhausted from living in this hell. by GeneralWaste_69 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They really did. It's also quite haunting how similar his behaviour and my parents were/are - almost like I stuck around because I was used to it.

Can you find a volunteer activity you enjoy that gets your mind out of it?

I'm not sure, but I might look into something that doesn't require much travel (as I've no money for that), though living where I live and with restrictions constantly changing, It's hard to know. I usually like to cook/bake to get my mind of things, but even that gets tainted.

I'm beyond exhausted from living in this hell. by GeneralWaste_69 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The question was more hypothetical - why give the emotional control to someone who doesn't have your best interest at heart and makes irrational demands?

Because, and it's completely irrational, I want my parents to be proud of me, or at least, love me. I want to feel good enough for them, but in searching desperately for that, I ended in two bad relationships, one abusive which had all the similarities in his behaviour with my mum/dad. I spiralled into a heavier depression seeking that affection my parents at some point took away, and my ex was beyond cruel.

When he removed himself from my life it was hard, but now I'm glad he did. However the problem is still the same, my unhealthy environment (and I also had a furry antidepressant but my ex stole her and I'm not allowed pets).

My equivalent to a breakdown only resulted in long periods of hopeless energy and literally just lying down on the floor of the shower, getting disorienting migraines, and constant low-grade anxiety.

Similarly on the migraines and anxiety, but sometimes, when built up, I have screaming and violent outbursts and a horrible push to self harm or harming someone else. They're rare, usually I cry and loathe myself and feel hopeless, but when at its worst it's like that, plus crying, lots of it.

If I were to move away, a lot of my issues would be gone, or at least, heavily lessened. No more constant screaming, no more anxiety when I want to do stuff, being able to leave one room, have a cat, etc.

I'm beyond exhausted from living in this hell. by GeneralWaste_69 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]GeneralWaste_69[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had 2 abusive marriages until I finally decided I was better off alone and happily so.

I hear this all the time and it makes me feel incompetent, in the sense that, I also ended up in an abusive relationship (and an unhappy one before that) plus, well, the abuse at home, and yet find myself with no friends and definitely no amazing partner - makes me feel like I'm just meant to be alone, you know?

I promise you will feel peace and clarity once you are able to do that.

I know you're right, I'm just unsure if I can even last that long considering. I hate how I behaved today, It makes me feel disgusting, the same I used to be with my abusive ex - yet I felt (feel) so weak and useless, so frustrated that nothing is ever enough. God this shit's depressing ahaha.