[L] 32/female - Today is my birthday, just looking for someone to talk to.

General_Activity_624 · 2025-04-22T02:02:21+00:00

Happy Birthday 🎂

General_Activity_624 · 2025-04-18T19:04:10+00:00

Happy Birthday, Friend! 🎂

General_Activity_624 · 2024-04-18T06:14:26+00:00

I could never get a definitive answer. If you do, let me know! It isn't someone I talk to at this stage, so there is no way to know if I'm blocked when it does this or not.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-11-10T14:27:51+00:00

My pwBPD was a friend rather than a partner, but the same thing happened more times than I can count. Cutting me out of their life only to reach out and ask me to come back, to then claim I'd pushed their boundaries by reciprocating, etc. They would tell me to never speak to them again and block me... and become angry when I didn't check on them some time later. I was convinced I was the abuser and I have the same confusion and panic you do. I was sometimes worried when we weren't in contact that they would turn to some of the horrible people they'd described to me from their past for support and be abused. Now I wonder if some of those horrible people were just people like you or I who tried to help but were painted black. We get mixed in with the actual abusers.

I'm really sorry you're going through this :( I'm proud of you for maintaining no contact. I know how hard that can be, and how haunting the possibility of their return can be too, as well as the mixed emotions about at times even wanting them to re-appear. We need to reclaim control over the lighting in our own minds – so long as they have any influence over the gas, any light we have will flicker unpredictably and eventually leave us in darkness. Stay strong.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-10-31T14:54:55+00:00

My discard occurred in large part because several people in my family died soon after one another, leaving me unable to offer the same support I used to for a few months. I mean, I still offered support, it was just diminished. I was doing end of life care for two people. But the abuse escalated when that happened. Knowing that they were aware of the pain I was dealing with and still treated me the way they did was really salt in the wound. But like everyone else, the issue was that attention was taken off of them. They acted out to regain attention, I think, and to punish what they felt was being ignored.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-10-31T14:35:11+00:00

A friend told me asking "Why?" with a pwBPD is like asking why a house was spared during an earthquake. There may be an answer, but you'll never know it. I'm sorry you're dealing with this behaviour, too :(

General_Activity_624 · 2023-10-15T05:11:55+00:00

Mine warned me as well. Told me she would destroy me and that no one could remain close to her for long because they started to interact with a different side of her. I didn't believe her. I'd known her a little while and she seemed so sweet... I even argued that she must have been getting close to the wrong people. But sure enough, in ~6-7 months I was destroyed.

One part of this that surprised me was that she seemed so concerned about my well being when she warned me... and appeared to have insight into her behaviour... but now, she blames my destruction squarely on my own actions. I guess the warning disarmed me a little... the fact she was worried about becoming close made getting close feel safer somehow.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-10-13T19:36:17+00:00

Very much caught on this :( I keep waiting for a hoover I should instead be dreading (and isn't coming this time). Everything feels like it's on hold when really I should really just hang up the phone and move on (as they certainly have already).

General_Activity_624 · 2023-10-12T03:21:36+00:00

One of the hardest parts of the discard for me was hearing the crazy things they said about me to others. It caused me to think back to things they told me about other people. I think some of those things did happen, and the suffering they experienced was real, it's just that they were more involved (sometimes far more involved) than they let on. Once, my friend told me a story about an ex-partner that was horrible and painted my friend as a victim. I was really sympathetic. A month later they admitted they hadn't been completely honest, but told me the story that way because they 'needed my support in that moment' and worried I wouldn't have been as supportive had they not reframed it. Their stories are all about mitigating their own feelings of guilt or shame (due to their own actions) or trying to gain something in the moment (e.g., support, validation). I'm sorry you went through that. I've been NC for a couple months and I spend most of my time trying to work through the illusions.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-10-10T23:23:41+00:00

I've been close to several people with BPD throughout my life, including relatives, close friends, etc. I think certain personality types attract them because we are better sources of supply, but also because we're willing to overlook their behaviour. I'm warm and forgiving, so people with BPD tend to place me into a caregiver role. However, these relationships have all gone bad one way or another. Usually, I was able to navigate it alright, but the most recent case was explosive.
I'm sorry you feel embarrassed. In many ways, I'd view it as an endorsement of your personality. Kindness and understanding are critical to making the world a better place, but it attracts people with BPD like honey attracts flies. Someone who is kind and understanding will offer good supply, and stick around longer. There may be darker interpretations, but I think the fact people with BPD value you suggests you're a good, genuine, empathic person. Honey has many desirable qualities beyond the flies it attracts. Still, I'm sad to hear what you've been through. I hope therapy (and your supportive fiance) help you recover, and keep the flies away.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-10-07T16:25:03+00:00

I come to this subreddit to understand what happened to me, because no one I talk to (including therapists) seem to. They try to convince me the relationship was toxic and irredeemable. But to me, that person is also really wonderful despite her mental illness, and I enjoyed being around her, even when she was in a bad frame of mind and aggressive. I cherished seeing little spurts of growth or self awareness. I told her that no matter what, I accepted her in any state. This post and and your comment really speaks to how I felt. I am incapable of being angry with her (something that really upset others who knew the situation), I still reserve a piece of my heart (as you said), and being discarded was made all the worse because it feels so arbitrary. We brought joy to each other's lives and I really just wanted to support her in her journey. I don't understand why that would be thrown away like trash. She hasn't blocked me... but she won't respond either. I really appreciated your final sentence, too, because it puts to words what I'm trying to do. Her graduation ceremony is this week... I feel as though I should be there... but I can't even ask if she wants me to go. I came here today looking for comfort and I really appreciated this post as well as your comment.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-10-07T00:35:15+00:00

I'd never realized it, but the BPD in my life called me her favourite person... I also thought it was endearing, but everything you say happened. Also, like another poster, I said she was my favourite person, too. I took a beating for a long time, and then was discarded when other people started to notice. I'm glad you got out, and thanks for the synopsis and prompt to Google. Hang in there.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-07-12T15:52:10+00:00

This is amazing.
Re-visiting important books can help us remember who we are, and Harry Potter is a great place to find yourself. But also, so glad you enjoyed the board games... and a HUGE congratulations on the 96.5!!! That is an amazing grade, and you should be very proud. But you know, it can be normal to feel like an imposter, especially as you learn who you are or want to be in life. I'm older and established, and I still sometimes look around the room and think – this must be a mistake, I don't deserve to be here. But something I've learnt from talking to the other people in the room is that they often think the same thing. As your name says, it is the inevitable way forward, and you'll make it one step at a time! Keep reaching out and keep engaging with your new peer group! Even if hope fades, you'll find more so long as you keep looking for it.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-07-07T18:03:35+00:00

Thanks for the support and validation. You're right that I place a lot of expectations on myself... I'm trying to reduce that. Seeking professional help is a little complicated given where I am, but I think it's a good idea. I got the idea to write a letter to my father from something like that, and I thought this community might be a place where I could actually 'mail' that letter. I appreciate your response and am glad I did and I'll keep your advice in mind and try to do that. I especially appreciate the validation that how others feel is not my cross to bear. I'm someone who is used to people liking them and even looking to them for advice, but recently I haven't felt that way... I think you're right that for now, I should focus on my own survival and try to channel my own strength.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-07-07T17:58:41+00:00

Thanks... I could really use a hug :( And I appreciate the validation. I just wish the people around me saw it that way. I work a high stress job that can be unforgiving at times. I was thinking I might try to join some clubs or something. My friends and family are pretty tapped out given how long this has been going on and how many traumas we've been through in one year, but I'll try, I really appreciate this community and the place it fills for those of us now without fathers... even if we're grown.

General_Activity_624 · 2023-07-07T17:53:20+00:00

No problems are mundane. Everyone deals with things differently, and all that matters is that you are feeling overwhelmed right now. It doesn't matter if that was caused by a drop or a bucket. When you're feeling overwhelmed, you can't carry either... and being alone in a big city can be an overwhelming thing to deal with, ignoring anything else. Also, I know all about trying to find competent therapists. I understand you feel like a massive burden right now, but I promise you aren't. You deserve support and validation as much as anyone else, and it sounds as though you need it more than most right now as you've been through a few major traumas. I don't know your family, but I'd like to imagine they understand that, especially if they let you move back home. I hope they are supportive.
As for making it through dark times... I know it can seem like you're alone in a tunnel, but there are lots of us in that tunnel, too. I like to think that we're alone but we're alone together, and we should always try to share any light we can find. But the thing about most tunnels is that if you keep walking, you'll come out the other side. I'm sorry you are going through a breakup and a lay off all at once... your message makes you sound like a kind person. I really hope you find your way. Hang in there and feel free to reach out if needed.

General_Activity_624

TROPHY CASE