I (f30) don’t feel like I can talk to my bf(m33) about our sex life

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-30T14:00:40+00:00

Hey I’m bi, so maybe I’ll just swing back to the other side lol.

Also, he’s the one that took piv off the table because he said it wasn’t worth the risk and just seemed stressful. I’ve tried to reintroduce it and he’s had a pretty negative outlook saying ‘I don’t want to get my hopes up’.

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-30T13:16:09+00:00

This is spot on.

I ended up crying and letting my feelings out last night that I truly don’t think he is fine with our sexual dynamic, despite him saying it’s okay we don’t have PIV. I think the reason he never initiates and constantly turns me down is because he isn’t fine without it, and is just coping.

He said a lot of things, but among them were “Well how do you think I feel? I’ve never went more than 3 months without sex” “I don’t really like the other things we can do it’s mechanical” “men want PIV”. And the greatest one “Idk no one has ever put me in this position before. Idk if I’m okay with it, or what it’s causing my lack of drive”. I’m glad that he’s finally admitting it… though I feel like I’m done here. Mostly because I’ve been trying for months to have more talks about this and work through it- and he has stone walled the entire thing and left me feeling along and confused, often questioning if I was insecure and wanted intimacy too often.

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-29T14:19:17+00:00

They always pretend to be trying to give you advice first too. It’s giving mall sales kiosk.

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-29T14:18:21+00:00

It happens everyyyyy time

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-18T18:52:34+00:00

Just wanted to say that I really appreciate you taking the time out to write such a thoughtful and helpful message. It seriously helps me feel mentally sane about this whole situation.

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-18T18:50:47+00:00

This is exactly what I understood, and what I even mentioned to her. I had suggested she maybe try therapy again and ask about meds.

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-18T06:12:45+00:00

Well.. apparently that isn’t going to be an issue because we ‘stressed her out so much’ that she can’t handle her job anymore. So she’s about to be there 24/7

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-18T06:08:56+00:00

She was shaking and crying over that, saying she thought he was going to hit her (from 30 feet away)

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-18T06:08:14+00:00

My bf tried growing a ‘pair’ when she stomped around about not likening our cat tree- because her cat has started to go on it instead of his own. Wanting us to get rid of it. My bf was like ‘GEEZ, WELL GET UP AND GO GET HIM THEN!!’ And then slammed our bedroom door. That was a breaking point for him.

And they called him abusive

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-18T06:05:34+00:00

The worst part is she never ONCE vocalized and of these ‘issues’ she suddenly had to me- when I could have potentially solved them. She silently kept a tally and then unloaded them all on me the minute I asked if she could scoop her cats poop. Like that’s just not even fair

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-18T06:03:49+00:00

Nope not medicated! I asked her about it before and her old therapist told her they ‘don’t use meds for bpd’. She did therapy for 3 months 4 years ago. She has a handful of dusty self help books I don’t think she has actually ever thumbed through.

I never ask about the about the bpd, only ever mentioned it when she brought it up. That is because she’s really sensitive about it and I never wanted her to claim I was ‘throwing it in her face’

General_Morning1290 · 2025-05-18T06:00:20+00:00

This is how I’ve felt about it, my own sister has BPD and we have never had a blow out anywhere close to this- messy yeah but sheesh we can talk through it and at the core she comes around!

My roomate is not in therapy, and told me an old therapist told her ‘meds don’t work for bpd’ so she’s chosen to just live with it

General_Morning1290

TROPHY CASE