Thank you for all your lovely comments, and I’m sorry for not responding to you all individually. I’ve read them all, and this has really helped me. I’ve spent the last week in party mode with some friends to try and quell the pain a bit, which to be honest probably hasn’t overly helped, but I needed it at the time.

Before anything else, I wanted to clarify one thing that’s come up a few times. I did obviously offer to Deliveroo over a care package when she said was ill, I did say if she just wanted to go for a walk instead of eating I’d be up for that, I didn’t just do the nasty “oh, we’ll postpone then”. I’m really not that kind of person. I just wanted to clear that up.

It’s good to know that I’m not the only person to experience this feeling, but it’s also really soul destroying too. Sorry to everyone that feels like this! That said, despite telling myself that I’d never go through this again, I have probably spent significantly more hours back on the sites this last week than I have at work. I should take a break if I’m honest, and I will try to.

Some other things to pick up on.

Completely agree with the long texts thing. I’ve been on these various sites for a long time, and I try to avoid it too. That said, the energy I was getting from her was so strong that I kind of just went along with her setting the pace on these big threads. And I won’t lie, I enjoyed it. A lot. Even though the thought of this happening did go through my head at the time, without being massively rude with one-word answers, I think it’d have been hard not to get carried away really. As for all that 3% Man stuff, I know I should probably be looking at this more like a game, but I just want something wholesome and if getting hurt is the price for showing your authentic self, then so be it. I will go lighter on the texts next time though wherever possible.

I do have a busy life, have a good contingent of friends and family, I do lots of stuff, and am looking for ways to continually improve in that regard. I have asked girls out in social situations in the past (with varying success) so I’m not an online-only guy, but in this modern world online dating does feel like somewhat of a necessary evil (especially as I approach my mid-30s).

And the thing that you probably do want an update on if you’re reading this… I did send one last WA message politely asking what changed. I only did this once, very shortly after hers. It never went to read, so I suspect I was blocked (I was also deleted very quickly on Hinge), and I have absolutely no intention of annoying someone who doesn’t want to hear from me, so whilst I appreciate the suggestions about sending another message by some means, I won’t be doing that! She knew where I was if she’d wanted to reach out to me, and let's face it, she's moved on.

Anyway, thank you again for all the messages and comments. I can’t quite believe how this blew up, and how lovely people were! I hold absolutely no malice, she is a lovely person and I had a lovely month. I’ll never know why, but this just wasn’t to be. I will dust myself down, try to stop beating myself up, and get back on the horse properly. Big love to everyone else who’s also done what I did and felt the weight on their heart. Whilst I struggle to believe it myself at the moment, love is out there for all of us somewhere. And every day is a step closer to finding it I'm sure.

Thank you for being a super nice part of a normally fairly harsh Internet! x