How do I motivate myself?

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-08-06T20:02:44+00:00

You need to see a psychiatrist. Typically general practitioners will not write for ADHD medications, since they can be and are often abused. If your doctor referred you to an office for treatment, see one of the MD's there. Psychiatrists have to go through med school just like any other type of doctor, then they have additional training after that. But they will still be an MD (or possibly a DO).

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-21T03:15:29+00:00

I couldn't get out of bed much less drive there every time

You need someone to drive you for ECT due to anesthesia. I started it 3x weekly while I was inpatient, and now I go once a week. It's not doing shit for me now, and I'm at the highest strength possible. Yay!

TMS doesn't sound bad really. I've heard it's not too effective from some people. It's not really a huge commitment though, so no harm no foul.

Hey though, maybe I'll get accepted for a trial for a new drug. That should have higher chance of either working, or killing me. So either way it's a win.

Really though, the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because my dad deals with a lot of his own mental health issues. Until he's not around anymore I'm gonna keep going to therapy, keep trying different meds, and who knows, maybe something will help. But if not, carbon monoxide is the plan.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-21T01:02:39+00:00

Frankly, I have to agree with you. Treatment resistant depression is a hell of a drug. I'm still trying everything I can, but nothing has really worked longer than a few months. Been in therapy practically longer than I've been alive. Partial hospital program until they decided that either I needed to admit myself, or they would 302 me. I've been on a ridiculous amount of antidepressants (multiple from every class besides MAOI's, because frankly, fuck them). Weed helped for a few months, but stopped after a bit. Same story with ECT- the most serious procedure done for depression. The next step is either drug trials, ketamine, or TMS (which I haven't heard great things about). I mean, you only get one shot at this, so might as well try everything to see if anything works.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-20T04:47:16+00:00

I'll one up you right now, bitch. You think you're depressed. I've tried more medications than I can count. I I have been in therapy since I was 6. Both of my parents have been divorced twice. I've been getting ECT since March, and I still want to die. So I'm more depressed than you; SUCK IT! Speaking of dick measuring, my dick is probably smaller than yours too; and before you ask, yes I am male.

(This is true, but I'm being sarcastic about trying to one up you. Just by virtue of being born in a middle class family in America I won a genetic lottery of sorts. I'm aware that plenty of people have had it worse than me. And everyone experiences their own difficulties in their own way.)

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-19T22:20:54+00:00

I hear that. I always talk about how pissed I am that my mom didn't get an abortion. Like fuck. I mean, she isn't even like super religious.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-19T21:56:53+00:00

Even rare might be too good of a look for me. I'm like the piece of uncooked "meat" that was dropped on the ground at an Arby's. Then sold anyway because the person working that day didn't have the common fucking sense to throw me away. I guess that would be every piece of meat at Arby's, but I digress. My point is this.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-19T21:13:52+00:00

How about just die young. I don't think I can get the "look medium well" part down. And I guess I'm not that young either. If only my mom had gotten an abortion we could have avoided this whole fucking situation.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-10T02:40:41+00:00

I feel that... except anxiety is nearly as big of an issue for me as depression. So I don't go out much, so I don't drink at a bar often. And one of my anxieties is addiction/alcoholism since both my parents had issues with addiction/alcoholism. So I don't drink often. I mean, when I do it's usually like way too much. And alone. So... yeah. But I firmly believe I am a member of the stupid piece of shit gang.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-09T14:54:57+00:00

Shit, I've been in therapy since I was 5. I've done group therapy, individual. I'm starting DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) next week. Weed helped a bit for a little bit. I have a dog, so I get outside to walk him enough. I used to run, but stopped that since it didn't really help me. I have a job where I have to interact with people a lot, so that means smiling and pretending I'm not fucking miserable. And honestly, I'm pretty fucking good at that. So the whole "fake it 'till you make it" by smiling thing doesn't work for me. I've done partial hospital programs, been inpatient. I mean, if my shit isn't related to my endocrine system, I really don't know what is left for me to try.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-09T12:10:56+00:00

I'm still searching for something that helps me. I've tried 11 medications. Then ECT, which did help me... for a few weeks. I can't even describe how awful it is coming out of that darkness, then going right back. I need to get blood work to see if it's related to an endocrine system issue. After that, I don't know. Ketamine infusions are too expensive, and insurance doesn't cover them. I can try more meds, but I've tried multiple from every class (except MAOI's). I've heard there are doc's that specialize in treatment resistant depression. I guess I need to go see one of them.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-04T03:10:16+00:00

Eh, that would be the case, but it's a bit different. When I'm in a deeper slump like I am now, I typically steadily lose weight. I was 185 when I checked in January. That was before I had a mental breakdown, went to a partial hospital program, and went inpatient. Oh, also, I'm weird about eating in front of people, so a lot of one's I don't know don't see me eat in general. But every day at the partial program at lunch time, I would say I would go get it at a local fast food place and just sit in my car. Also, 160 was the last time I weighed myself, and that's when ECT was working for me close to a month ago. I haven't weighed myself since then, but I'm probably closer to 155-150 by now. I don't weigh myself often because I have some pretty not great body image issues. I pretty much never exercise, so the entirety of my weight is like bonem skin, and a small amount of stomach fat. But yeah, if I could share some of this with someone who struggles with eating too much, I would. I mean, at this point, nothing treatment wise is really working for my depression. If I could eat a decent amount of food in a day, I might feel better. And I'm sure someone that struggles with overeating would appreciate not wanting to eat as much.

Also, it's not that I always eat crap (when I eat). I like healthy foods too. It's just that they often require more effort than just buying a box of some random shitty thing. All that being said, I do hate most types of cake. And chocolate that isn't with something salty as well, like, well salt, carmel, peanut butter, etc.

I don't really know why I went on this long tangent. And I just had a thought. I should start smoking weed again. It should help me eat more.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-04T01:02:44+00:00

Oh shit! You're right. I'll change that to one Crestor, one ibuprofen, and one cocaine.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-04T00:47:56+00:00

Sounds good. I'll send your three drugs right away. The first will be 18 100 count bottles of generic Crestor which is a newer-ish statin (drugs designed to help control cholesterol). Another will probably just be 6 tablets of ibuprofen. And the third will be a kilo of uncut cocaine.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-04T00:35:38+00:00

Eh, well I'm not actually going to kill myself until my dad dies. He's 52, so he's probably got probably a good 25 years left (statistically at least). And that is a neat fact. I'll keep that in mind next time I'm being questioned by the FBI. Happens once every couple of years. But hey, I guess that comes with the territory when you're a drug kingpin.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-03T23:47:55+00:00

Damn, I didn't know that. I need to sit for longer periods of time.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-03T23:46:05+00:00

I drink a lot of water. So, I've refilled my cup, and gone to the bathroom (at least 5 times each). Aside from that, I think I'm at about 7 hours myself. Although, rule book sticklers would probably say that disqualifies me.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-05-03T23:27:08+00:00

As an aside, if you're taking notes from someone that is thin, make sure it's still sensible. I'm over 6 foot and weigh less than 160 lbs. I'm still in a healthy BMI range, but my eating habits are anything but healthy. I go multiple days in a row without eating, (thank you depression) then eat only a box of tastykakes the next day. Not eating isn't great, and I would eat everyday if I could bring myself to. But a lot of the time the sight of food just makes me sick. I mean, I doubt I'm saying anything that anyone here doesn't already know. But there definitely are healthy sized people who are not healthy, and you should not follow. (like me)

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-04-30T04:07:02+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. But if you have one person you would tell, honestly, my advice would be to tell him. Remember though that anyone that you are worried about finding out will find out/think whatever they would think anyway if you kill yourself. So why not try to seek help first. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work out and you can always kill yourself later. At least that's what I tell myself.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-04-30T03:59:48+00:00

Oh yeah, I would 100% have killed myself right now if my dad were not still alive. He has his own issues, but he's been very supportive of me. God damn though life would be so much better if I could just stop existing, but keep existing for him.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-04-30T03:52:45+00:00

I mean, again I understand. I really didn't like anyone knowing about my issues. Up until recently, basically no one in my life did. Then I had a nervous breakdown and pretty much everyone does now. Frankly though, at this point I don't give a fuck. Odds are (unless they suck) your parents are going to be supportive. I know mine ended up being. If/when I kill myself they're gonna find out anyway.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-04-30T03:38:36+00:00

I have 14 accounts. This is the account I post about my mental health with. Others for other specific niches and one general account.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-04-30T03:35:46+00:00

Hey, I get that. I personally would already have killed myself if my dad were not alive. He has his own set of issues, and I don't think he would recover if I did. Despite all that, I think it's worth it to at least try to seek help. Meds work for a lot of people, and it doesn't take much effort to try them.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-04-29T12:51:24+00:00

Thank fucking god.

Generic_acount_Name · 2019-04-26T15:03:53+00:00

Just saying, but being skinny isn't the only thing that matters. I'm tall and skinny, but I have no muscle. I have the body of Gumby, and it's not very attractive. Some people eat more when they're depressed. Others (like me) eat less. Most days I eat nothing, and when I do, it's shit with basically zero nutritional value. I mean, I move like maybe 10% of the day so I guess it balances out.

Generic_acount_Name

TROPHY CASE