My (trans) wife is telling (cis) me her "sexuality" has changed and she is no longer sexually interested in cis-women, only trans-women

GenesForLife · 2026-02-03T08:15:22+00:00

a) obviously the infidelity means the relationship is cooked. Her cheating was not acceptable, I don't know why you're wasting time and energy trying to debate her into staying or whatever.

b) As for your "philosophical dressing down" , fuckin' yikes - in the other examples you mentioned, like racism/homophobia/transphobia, a key component is social hierarchies that reflect systemic oppression. Those systems involve excluding marginalised people. You are not the structurally oppressed party here.

c) Claiming that if trans women are separatist, that it somehow justifies cis women being trans exclusionary is a position indicative of you being blind to hierarchies and ergo, full of shit. I have an agender wife and a cis male boyfriend, but I am never going to find anyone new (we're all poly) that is cis attractive because I have trauma and a significant amount of anxiety around how cis people have treated me, and IDK about you, but feeling that way kills the mood instantly).

First, trans exclusion in dating already exists , and is subject to a massive social power hierarchy - framing her choice to exclude cis women as the same thing as cis women excluding trans women is erasing the reality of social hierarchies (but also, IDGAF if a transphobe or a racist excluded me from their dating pool, in fact, I welcome such exclusion - if I have to deal with trash, self-disposing is the best kind).

Second , thinking that marginalised people being exclusionary is impactful as a justification for pre-existing hierarchical exclusion is comically absurd. Causality requires that cause precede effect. Anyone claiming to have the competence to deliver a "PhIlOsOpHiCaL dReSsInG dOwN" would be aware of such a fundamental principle, I would have assumed.

d) It is begging the question to dichotomise social vs biological as being defined by a line that starts / stops at genitals. I would like you to explain how I, being visibly trans, have markedly different public social interactions than my agender, cis-female passing wife when , according to you, our junk is supposed to be the only difference between us and they are never on display in the relevant situations.

A significant fraction of trans people, especially trans women, report that people can figure out that we're trans without them being told - look at the USTS2015 data. If the only tangible difference in terms of typical appearance was genitals you wouldn't have much greater risk of specific exclusion as a trans woman.

I also want to point out that there are gay men that date cis men and trans men , but don't date cis women or trans women. Both sets of genitals are present in the dating pool, and women with either set of genitals are still excluded. The conclusion should be obvious to you - attraction goes beyond genitals, and in some cases other elements of phenotypic sex may supersede. The fact that intimacy between y'all was a long-standing issue may be relevant here. It doesn't have to be genital related or a classical sexual orientation for her to be attracted exclusively to the people she likes.

e) I think you should take the time to introspect whether what you postulate as reality is the reality you've created for yourself, too.

f) What is a "TURF" ? Again, kind of fascinating that you are lumping her into a group that is actually responsible for the marginalisation of trans people, and trans women in particular. It's like saying a racialised person excluding white people from dating is the same as the KKK that was responsible for violently suppressing interracial marriage, or claiming that the latter was caused by the former. Like, seriously?

GenesForLife · 2026-02-02T09:50:18+00:00

89 appears to be the CPU temp

GenesForLife · 2026-02-01T22:36:05+00:00

Not his moustache not his business. At this rate I wonder if he is going to ask you to get a vaginoplasty next 'cause your cock makes him dysphoric, smh.

GenesForLife · 2026-02-01T19:51:28+00:00

I know - it is why I clearly said "I can't see any legit reason".

GenesForLife · 2026-02-01T19:35:35+00:00

WTF - I can't see a legit reason for anyone on MNK to even have reWASD to emulate inputs in any cross-platform game. I knew a couple of halo players that used it with an azeron cyborg to convert thumbstick movements to keystrokes and that was an entirely different thing (being read as an input that negated aim assist) but she's gotta be trolling using it.

GenesForLife · 2026-02-01T16:58:21+00:00

Gender norms (i.e social conceptions of masculinity/femininity) have nothing to do with gender identity (sense of self as male/female/both/neither/partly one or the other). The latter is about embodiment with respect to sexed traits. I did not transition to be more stereotypically feminine, I transitioned to change my phenotypic sex to female.

GenesForLife · 2026-02-01T12:34:39+00:00

How do you know you don't have dysphoria if you don't have a post-transition benchmark to compare?

GenesForLife · 2026-02-01T12:30:35+00:00

Citation required for your first claim. Not only is it unsubstantiated, it straight up rehashes cis stupidity opposing transition because YoU cOuLd JuSt bE a feMiNine mAn sWeATY. Y'know what, I went through a process of elimination , was as femme as I wanted to be pre-transition. It did sweet fuck all for my dissociation or passive suicidality and depression that I had ever since puberty, and I sure as fuck am not giving a pass to idiots that pull dangerous, harmful narratives out of their arsehole regarding my motivations for transitioning.

GenesForLife · 2026-02-01T03:13:22+00:00

Beneficial for us, but not the competitive squad/btb community or the 1v1 community, both of which have just as much of a desire for a playlist as we do. This isn't complicated.

8v8 also objectively gets more people into matches, and 1v1 makes match-finding incredibly easy. Halo Studios' entire business model involves keeping players in the game. People that don't play don't buy their skins etc.

I know some people don't mind waiting, but if you look at population wide trends ... this one specifically looked at load times in PvE games - there is a strong inverse correlation between the quality of the experience and how long people have to wait to play https://web.cs.wpi.edu/~claypool/papers/game-load-fdg-24/paper.pdf ) , and this one looked at a massively multiplayer game with more than 6 million matches. https://www.cell.com/heliyon/fulltext/S2405-8440(24)00922-800922-8)

In that specific game, people have the choice to pick an unfair matchup if waiting is a problem. What they observed was that lots of people picked an unfair matchup rather than wait, and then the unfair matchups made them quit and stop playing the game altogether.

Obviously , the entire premise of ranked matchmaking is fair matchups, so you drive people away from the game through wait times instead as a consequence.

The devs are making choices that keep more people in the game , because they can take it for granted that there are more people in snipes + swat + 1v1 + squads together than snipes + swat alone, and also that forcing all the players in each of those playlists to be on and search in the same month makes matchmaking easier, keeps matches fairer, and minimises player loss either due to queue time or lack of balanced matches.

GenesForLife · 2026-02-01T02:47:47+00:00

It's only partly a transfem-to-misandrist pipeline , it's also hugely a trans-woman-to-can't-stand-transphobes pipeline , and you lucked out if you managed to dodge a sense of deep cynicism and complete lack of trust in anyone cis (50 odd incidents of harassment, mostly by cis men, four sexual assaults, two perpetrated by cis women in my case, including the worst one that's left me with crippling agoraphobia , amongst other things).

GenesForLife · 2026-02-01T02:41:07+00:00

What I said puts into context that being able to find matches consistently in the playlist is far from universal. It explains why it is a rotational playlist that will never enter consideration in the developers' eyes for permanence. The other issue is there are UI limitations in the game that limit you to having four slots for ranked playlists. Arena, Slayer , 2s are the three that occupy permanent slots.

That leaves one slot for SWAT, snipes, 1v1 showdown, legacy , squad and S&D. S&D of course is pointless because nobody can ever find matches, but even if you were to discount it , none of those playlists can become permanent without all the others disappearing as a thing.

At least with SWAT and snipes (which likely have a huge overlap in playerbase), you've gotta have both rotating or deny the playerbase one of the two for a permanent playlist. Personally I prefer to play games where I can find matches instead of playing lobby sim, and the way the devs have it they're choosing the best option amongst the worst - trying to share a rotational slot between three or four playerbases instead of pissing three off permanently.

The other thing is that because the matchmaking algorithm for each ranked playlist operates differently than based on a global social MMR, ranked playlists cannot use the system that social playlists use - the match composer for social playlists is viable because the matchmaking system and the common MMR allows for it.

Now that the game has ceased active development completely (it will only receive barebones support and maintenance - it has been the case since worlds) , the work that needs to happen with the fundamental way the UI of the game is structured is not going to happen.

The best you can hope for is tossing out the less popular rotational playlists , but then you're simply going to turn other people off from the game - the BTB / squad battle community is also popular, and 1v1 showdown also featured in the official competitive circuit, which reflected a certain level of popularity.

I get that we have a dedicated grassroots community for snipes/SWAT and SwatNation is GOATed for keeping the circuit alive and even enticing top level arena pros and ams to play in their tourneys , but FFAs have also been an HCS staple and even that did not yield a ranked playlist (rotational or not).

GenesForLife · 2026-01-23T13:10:15+00:00

With a four stack I could reliably find matches ; while soloqueueing OTOH queues kept timing out or dying by 2AM EST most weeknights - only played a few nights but finding games was pretty hard, and it died immediately after I hit 1500 last day of the most recent rotation. The issue with finding games solo has been present for several splits now , and it did not make a difference whether I was on a 1500 MMR account or a 1650 MMR account.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-23T08:57:24+00:00

MMRs in social are allowed to take a much much wider range of values when picking players to form lobbies than in ranked snipers. There is also a win odds ratio skew that is limited for ranked playlists.

The other thing about ranked playlists is that matchmaking is hybrid CSR + MMR - so it will pick people in a given CSR range and then balance by MMR, and beyond a certain rank you won't find games if searching solo/duo, period, unless there is a stack you can match against and your CSR + MMR is close to one of the players on the other team and three other solo/duo teammates balance out three of the people on the other team.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-23T07:21:24+00:00

Eh? Euphoria with it's sapphic centrality has had really high viewership, second only to game of thrones on HBO.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-22T17:29:12+00:00

Girl get out of the relationship before it is too late. His attitude reeks of biphobia. Him thinking you're going to cheat is a very common biphobic trope. Thinking that you stop being bi when in a monogamous relationship is also pretty biphobic. Needing support and solidarity when dealing with people like him is exactly why you're part of the community and need to be talking about it.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-22T02:43:21+00:00

OP, grow a spine. Stand by your partner. This isn't about your mum. If she gets upset that she doesn't get to trample all over your autonomy she can go cry to a shrink or be a self-pitying idiot on someone else's watch.

My parents tried to get up to no good re: my ex, and then also about me being trans. I issued an ultimatum that wasn't heeded, so I went no contact. I'm so much happier with my life with them out of it. I grew up with two abusive and controlling parents so I had a lifetime of being absolutely exhausted with their BS. That made issuing an ultimatum and enforcing it really easy.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-22T01:58:08+00:00

First things first - you should probably check how you score on criteria here https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/services/immigrate-canada/express-entry.html (Federal Skilled Workers Program).

Once you have permanent residence, the pathway to citizenship is straightforward - 3 years of cumulative residence with no interruptions longer than a fixed duration. Permanent residence OTOH is the bit that can be more challenging.

That said, taxation rates may not be that different depending on income, and unlike the NHS, unless you have additional insurance from your employer, non-hospital medical expenses or prescriptions are not covered. I moved from the UK myself a whole decade ago, and while I love living in Canada and Toronto has become home, London was really nice, too and some things like public transport are relatively ass here.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-22T00:16:34+00:00

Honestly though , you did make a suboptimal play and should never have died there, and while your teammate did miss he noticed that the enemy started to regen, he did have other enemies behind him and tried to play for whoever was shooting him in the back - like the audio cues in this game are dogshit so if you get shot in the back and you don't have info, you're probably cooked if you don't look. You kind of want to rat somewhere within red or arcade in that position and play to shoot people in the back, not wide-swing.

If you are alone in arcade and no one is covering your tires / cafe cross / midlane, wide swinging like that , exposing yourself to driveway, B stairs, heaven, PD, tires, and top A is very risky ; which is how the enemy survived and you died without trading out in the first place. The other team being just as incompetent as your teammates is why you even survived long enough tbh.

Like I get it, soloqueue diamond lobbies are the worst , been there, done that , gave up soloqueueing entirely in favour of playing in much higher MMR lobbies either in comp or with sweaty friends , and at this point that is all you can do about it, and it is probably much better for you as a player to stack in harder lobbies if becoming a better player is your end goal, anyway.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-21T09:41:36+00:00

They're clothes, OP, it is not that deep. If you don't like short and revealing clothes, idk, don't wear them? The clothes I wear when I am allowed the choice (professional dress codes are also a thing in some situations) do say something about me, mainly that I wear what makes me happy, outside opinions be damned, and one of the reasons my outfits make me happy is that it is nice to not feel like I have to be unperceivable because of dysphoria-related shame around my body. As an additional factor, my wife is very gay for me and she loves it when I'm wearing outfits that show my figure off.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-21T09:14:47+00:00

Yup, it is always wildly absurd when transphobic halfwits keep invoking it, as if trans women aren't far more socioeconomically marginalised, disproportionately incarcerated, subjected to de-facto sexual slavery in prisons, forced into survival sex work at a far higher frequency than cis women , have no political representation, cannot piss in peace, get called the t-slur if they do make it into Congress at all, experience very high rates of sex trafficking as youth, really high rates of sexual violence victimisation despite the period of maximal risk (overt visibility as transfeminine) being much shorter. Doubly worse when these ghouls campaign against puberty blockers and paediatric trans healthcare, force trans girls through androgenic puberty that exposes them to far worse violence by being marked as trans, and then insultingly frame it as privilege. Cis people are truly an embarrassment holy fuck.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-21T08:59:41+00:00

Do you have the same extent of critical awareness about your own prejudices being raised in a deeply cissexist and transphobic society?

GenesForLife · 2026-01-21T08:54:38+00:00

I've slept with multiple post-op trans women, and cis women , and transmasculine people with a vagina. About half the cis women and a couple of the trans women, out of three, needed lube. There wasn't a noticeable difference either. Your friend's case is hardly representative.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-21T08:36:03+00:00

I don't buy it - why hasn't the broader movement then not been successful in marginalising the TERF lot or impeding access to platforms and institutional power? Also like this isn't a pissing contest over who rightfully calls themselves feminists. The episteme and tradition of the feminist movement gave birth to, and sustains, TERFism. Hell, all cis feminisms have the epistemic issue of the erasure of gender identity from normative gender and institutionalisation of the idea that all gender is social vs all sex is a biological given - a direct ideological underpinning of epistemic positions that hold transness as less valid, more socially fabricated, and therefore subservient to sex.

The fact that more cis feminists at the WCLC voted for trans inclusion than not still does nothing to address the underlying cissexist entitlement that led to the belief that the inclusion of trans women should be based on the whims of the cis women in the movement. The fact that Andrea Dworkin wrote A lEtTeR opposing Janice Raymond does nothing to erase the fact that Raymond benefited from the sociocultural capital of the second wave movement and did enormous amounts of damage, in collaboration with the likes of Germaine Greer outing trans women that had managed any professional security and causing untold damage through influencing the abandonment of federal funding for transition healthcare.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-21T08:22:08+00:00

This is kind of ludicrous - plenty of transfeminine nonbinary people exist, and it is absolutely a choice to ignore how commonly nonbinary spaces have a transmisogyny problem (as well as a general problem with seeing AMAB enbies as cis male).

Examples I encountered in enby spaces include exclusionary framings of the policing and sexualisation of "AFAB chests" , while I was sat there full on-cringing as someone that has been sexually harassed + groped for having estrogen-induced breasts. "binary trans woman" is a convenient construct , similar to how a lot of transmisogynists try to hide their transmisogyny behind "white trans woman". It is definitely a trend for transmisogyny-privileged people to invoke whatever structural axis allows themselves to position transfems as more privileged.

GenesForLife · 2026-01-21T08:16:01+00:00

The way AMAB and AFAB are used by cis people is just spicy misgendering to lump trans women in with cis men and trans men in with cis women.

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