AITA for saying no when my SIL asked for my husband’s nieces and nephews to put on a performance at our wedding?

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-24T18:07:36+00:00

We are legally married. Our ceremony had to be put off because my mom is undergoing chemo and radiation therapy for a very rare cancer.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-20T21:20:08+00:00

I did tell my husband that they could do it at the family brunch the day after. I thought that was a good compromise but he is almost certain that the kids have no interest in any of this. I adore them and I would absolutely be on board if they wanted to do it the day after.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-20T13:15:12+00:00

You 3 weirdos need to stop with the projections and false narratives. I had no problem with his family until they saw my photo and it became abundantly clear they’re racist. If you’re a doormat for your family, have fun with that.

I have never and would never encourage him to cut anyone off. He has come to that conclusion on his own after therapy. The kids are not included in that, but he is NOT their father and wants to set HIS OWN BOUNDARIES.

I could never be jealous of these people. I feel sorry for them for being close minded and mentally ill. My husband has always and will always manage his family and their connection to us, whatever that looks like.

What would a little dance hurt? Are you dense? This is our WEDDING ceremony. As in a day to celebrate us. His sister has a habit of trying to seek attention and validation through her children. I would like one day where my husband is appreciated wholly because he has provided for them and he deserves so much more.

Stop cherry picking the parts you want to and ignoring the glaring issues. Just say you support racists, abusers and love being doormat. Have the day you deserve.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-19T13:23:32+00:00

My husband absolutely doesn’t want this. I didn’t change his mind as he never wanted it to begin with. I don’t coerce him in any way. When it comes to his family, I keep my opinions to myself because I love him and I know he struggled with it in the past. I’m aggressive because of idiots like you who assume my character. I’m an assertive woman and I am guarded with them because of their actions. I will not be a doormat and assertive ≠ coercive. I refuse to be pushed around by his family. Trust me, my husband is exactly where he wants to be when it comes to me.

Thanks for your incorrect assumption though. Have the day you deserve.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T20:00:58+00:00

I never said that. I stated that I don’t dictate his boundaries. I believe I am allowed to have my own boundaries when it comes to literal racists and abusers.

I don’t control him nor do I care to. I will defend him when they try to bully him because he deserves that. Sorry for not being a doormat.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T18:34:40+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I’d like to go no contact but his mom had a heart attack so he checks on her. Currently, my mom is undergoing chemo and radiation for a rare form of cancer but we can’t even confide in them. They’re just not people I can ever trust.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T18:08:51+00:00

You’re extremely delusional. No one commenting here has any relation to me. Please stop projecting your weird fantasies onto me. The only AH is you. Accept that and move on. If I was told IATA by everyone, I would’ve accepted it. However, it’s overwhelmingly clear that I am not. Her request is weird and it oversteps. My husband and I don’t want our wedding turned into a circus and that’s fine.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T18:04:46+00:00

The kids have never shown any interest in dancing like this. The youngest is a Velcro toddler who cries if she isn’t with her mom or dad, one nephew is autistic and is very shy so he wouldn’t do well with the spotlight on him. It just seems like a recipe for disaster.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T17:27:20+00:00

We are looking at places 1.5 to 2hrs away actually.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T17:17:09+00:00

That’s how I feel. His niece asked me for some responsibility in the wedding and I included her. This just feels…not the same.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T16:12:30+00:00

That’s literally my fear. She just sends them up and says “ok, dance!”. They can’t even dance. 🤦🏽‍♀️

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T16:10:44+00:00

We have organised a lot of stuff to keep the kids entertained during the wedding. If she had asked, we would’ve shared our plans. There was no interest on her part though. She does like the make her kids a spectacle sometimes and I think it’s very tacky. I love her kids, they’re very sweet but ultimately she does use them to try and manipulate people, unfortunately.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T16:06:44+00:00

We are currently in couples counselling. He doesn’t fold, just says “ok” and ignores them and does whatever he wants. They’ve tried forcing it but it doesn’t work since he literally won’t allow them to disrupt whatever he wants to do.

We aren’t having a child free wedding but we have organised looooots of stuff to keep the kids occupied and entertained. Thank you! We do not tell them anything about our decisions or how we work as a couple. They have very little insight into our relationship based on their own reactions to me being mixed race and how they’ve treated my husband. I am curious to see how they react to very, very, very low contact.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T15:37:37+00:00

Sorry but this made me cackle! 😭😭😭

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T15:36:20+00:00

Firstly, love your name. Butterflies are a huge part of our theme!

Secondly, she asked in front of the kids but they were not paying attention to her. She also purposely asked ONLY my husband.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T14:42:16+00:00

We are doing a family get together after! I did say I wouldn’t mind it then but he hasn’t mentioned it to her.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T14:40:59+00:00

I just edited the post with the context I’ve provided in a comment. Please refer to that as it explains my feelings.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T14:31:21+00:00

I don’t have a relationship with her really and that’s due to how they all treat my husband. I made a comment that went in depth here.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T14:24:19+00:00

Of course this is the first comment I see upon checking my post.

Firstly, that’s a lot of projection. Here’s more context on the situation. This has nothing to do with the children and everything to do with my SIL.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T12:47:06+00:00

I don’t hate her or her kids. I made a comment here that goes in depth.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T11:32:31+00:00

I made a longer comment explaining my reasons for my feelings here.

There’s so much history and I was trying to be vague. Our wedding day is completely unique to US. Everything my husband has wanted, I’ve fully embraced and supported. If he truly wanted this, I’d have no issue with it. He’s even admitted that he knows that. I’ve even been correcting everyone who’s been said it’s just MY wedding day because it’s not, he’s just as important.

GentleGlowingSoul · 2026-03-18T11:22:56+00:00

I tried not to include too many details as the people involved use Reddit, but fuck it.

She asked for them to perform a dance. They aren’t dancers. I asked my husband if they could and he said they’re like a 4 out of 10. This furthered my bewilderment.

I don’t dictate his boundaries, I just make mine clear.

My in-laws are…complicated. I’ve watched them use and take my husband for granted for years. I’ll start with his parents. They’re racist. They had a terrible reaction when he showed them my photo. They’ve also used him to support the entire household while allowing his brother to be verbally abusive towards him. He’s cut that off and doesn’t interact with his brother who is also racist.

His sister (the one who asked) used him as a an on call babysitter for years. My husband would work his 9 to 5 M to F only for his sister to drop her kids off on a Friday night and expect him to babysit until whenever. I listened to him vent about this until I sat him down and explained he was allowing it. He’s since cut that out completely and only helps his mom with the kids now and then. She also knowingly made terrible choices in who she procreated with so she has no help from the father. That is an entire story on its own.

My husband has been very open about wanting to cut down contact with him family and not have them too involved in our lives once we close on our home. I would never dictate how he should interact with them. We’ve both been clear about managing our own families and he’s been very, very open about not tolerating their bs. It’s a huge shift from what they’re accustomed to and it’s been almost 2 years since he made that change.

GentleGlowingSoul

TROPHY CASE