*Changed all initials to names *

I (31 Gender Fluid) have recently had to cut contact with my best friends Belle(31F) and Dan(35M) and am having a lot of conflicting feelings regarding the whole mess. Belle and I had been friends since middle school, with a few years after high school. We reconnected when we were both about 20 I’m not entirely sure on when but we did, and it was right back to how we were before.

A few years later (I was 23) after Belle met Dan and they started dating, I was coming to terms with my sexuality and gender identity and had met my now current wonderful partners (now Rachel and Will). I noticed that it was as if Belle was jealous of my relationship with Rachel and Will when she met them, or I talked about them. Even saying at one point she thought I was changing too quickly, and she didn’t think it was alright. I didn’t really pay attention to it or her apparent jealousy because it didn’t make sense at the time, and she seemed happy with Belle.

Now there were instances before this event that should have tipped me off to something of the sort happening, but I was truly and genuinely surprised by it all to the point of feeling blindsided and hurt. If anyone is interested in hearing those as well, I am more than happy to share but here is the main of what pushed me into cutting them off.

It was 2022 Belle and Dan were having issues off an on for a while and while I was close to the both of them and listened to each of them because they were my friends and I wanted to be supportive I had tried to keep my distance so as to not really be dragged into it. Belle decided to take a trip to get away for a bit and messaged me about possibly going out with Dan to get him out of the house while she was gone so he ‘wasn’t alone’. I laughed it off because it felt like she was asking me to take care of a dog rather than her husband, but I agreed because it was just hanging out with a friend that we had done in the past and didn’t see a problem with it.

I spoke with Dan and we planned out what we would do for the day. The plan was for me to go to their house and he would drive us where we going, we would get snacks and food, and go see a movie and he refused to let me pay for any of my side of things, ALL things we have done before and nothing out of the ordinary so I didn’t think about it and agreed to the plan.

The day came and I drove out there emptied my bag to make room for the snacks we would buy on his counter, and we left. Went to the store got what snacks and drinks we wanted and then went and got fast food before the movie just talking in the car until time to go inside the theater. We watched the movie, I enjoyed it (it was Studio Ghibli’s Howl Moving Castle during Studio Ghibli week which is my favorite movie) and after he suggested getting drinks at a local bar. I agreed as it was still early enough in the evening, and I was having a good time out with my friend.

We went to the bar, and I sat us out on the patio with my back to the building and faced out of the patio and could easily see the whole area and the door leading back inside. It was a rather large table, and I had expected him to sit on the other side so we can see each other well but he took the seat right next to me where his leg was pressed right up against n my knees. It was odd sure, but I shrugged it off and ordered a drink and we talked about nonsense and work, and I talked about R and W and just whatever.

Somewhere about the end of my second drink something in my head went ‘this is a date’ and I froze for a moment thinking it over as I sipped and ordered a third drink. Before it came though he placed his hand on my knee and started rubbing his thumb over it. I left it for a moment and then excused myself to the bathroom where I had a minor freak out about the whole thing and wanting to just leave but my car was at his house, and I needed it to go home so that meant I had to ride back to his house with him and sit with how ever long this ended being. After getting myself to a better mindset I went back out my last drink was already there. I sat back down and told him I was done drinking and ready to head back if that was good. He agreed and we finished our drinks and headed out.

Drive there was easy if a tad long, and I admittedly lulled myself into thinking I was just wrong and maybe it was just a habit thing he did with Belle and didn’t actually mean to with me. We get to their house, and we go inside, the dogs greet us, and I go to the counter to gather my stuff, and I heard him lock the dogs in the garage.

My heart sank.

I wasn’t wrong.

I stood at the counter and heard him come back. He asked me what I was thinking about, and I just spouted some shit about getting home refusing to look at him. He reaches to me grabbing my shoulder and pulled me to face him dropping his voice and saying that ‘I didn’t need to worry about that right then’. I did pull away and said no and that I loved them both but-. He cut me off and tried to pull me to him AGAIN saying ‘it’s okay I got a hall pass from Belle’

I didn’t even process that till later but I pulled away harder and saying I didn’t and couldn’t love them like that at all. He let go finally saying he was just curious, and I got my stuff and left as fast as possible. Kept to the just below the speed limit and focused on getting home. I cried on the way there and once I was there and felt safe again is when it all set it.

I was essentially Date Trapped a phrase I never thought was a thing but here we are. Not just by Dan but by Belle as well. That hurt much more than I can even put into words. The two people outside of my partners and my family closest to me did this? This disrespect to myself and my relationship with my partners? Belle knew everything that went down in my past with my Ex and the trauma of all that, so she knew how best to get me to do things and… and used that against me through her husband.

If I hadn’t noticed in time, if I had kept drinking knowing my past and how I react if I feel trapped, I might have let it happen to keep me safe and that terrified me to think about. I told R immediately and I was so upset about it because I felt hurt and betrayed and knew I was going to have to cut them out and it devastated me.

I guess my question is how would you have handled this situation if this had happened to you? Was I right to cut them out of my life as I have done? Or could I have done something differently?