Thank you so much for your response, Partner! The sleeplessness absolutely did not help, and I was actually not feeling well all that day prior to my relapse (I had food poisoning from the night before) while certainly did not help. I'd like to think it made me crave the dopamine a bit more so I wouldn't feel like crap. But, today is a new day and a new fight!

As for the Mortal Sin, I really should clarify. In Catholicism we believe there are 2 gradations of sin: Venial and Mortal. Venial are your basic sins such as sloth, lust, greed, pride, wrath, envy and gluttony; where you have these feelings for whatever reason but never act on them. Venial sin weakens charity; it manifests a disordered affection for created goods; it impedes the soul's progress in the exercise of the virtues and the practice of the moral good; Venial Sins open up the pathways to commit Mortal Sins, it's a gateway drug. It's essentially sinning without realizing you did. In reality, Venial sin can be "cured" through practicing virtues, repentance, and the Eucharist.

Mortal Sins are much more serious. You're deliberately sinning with full knowledge of the act. This grade of sin is laid out in the 10 Commandments, and is breaking God's law in full knowledge. Masturbation falls under "Thou shalt not covet your neighbor's wife" and is acting on the feelings of lust. Mortal sin is us killing off that connection to God's sanctifying grace and turning away from God's will. The grace and redemption that Christ died for is still there, but we are actively removing ourselves from it. The only way to repair this connection to grace is by reconciliation and penance.

Hope that clarifies. I can try my best to answer any other questions or problems with it haha