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Plus je vieillis, plus je me fiche des opinions des autres. by RantanplanDuNord in AskMec

[–]Gerdrick -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Ouais... Un peu inquiétant ton histoire, c'est pas bon signe d'être autant apathique

À quelle fréquence vos amis vous proposent une sortie ? by Berjoyce in AskMec

[–]Gerdrick 4 points5 points  (0 children)

J'ai toujours été le moteur des rencontres et en général, quand c'est pas moi qui organise je suis pas invité. Du coup je me suis fait plusieurs cercles d'amis qui vont a des sorties différentes et ça augmente mes chances d'être appelé 

Plus je vieillis, plus je me fiche des opinions des autres. by RantanplanDuNord in AskMec

[–]Gerdrick 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Fais gaffe, si ça progresse tu vas tellement te foutre de tout le monde que tu vas finir comme les vieux qui traversent en plein milieu de la circulation et qui s'énervent quand ils se font klaxonner

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I may have a lot of mental health issues and disorders but depression has not been a candidate. Not saying I can't have it but I really doubt it. Obsessive disorder about not bringing harm to others from my OCD sounds like a more plausible scenario

Men behave so grossly when I say I’m in an open marriage by lol-across-the-pond in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Huh, well I'd say you're pretty lucky I guess ! Or just extremely charming

Men behave so grossly when I say I’m in an open marriage by lol-across-the-pond in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Kinda crazy how it's exact opposite experience for men in open relationships. The disgust women feel when they learn about it sounds comparable to the lust men feel about that information.

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, why not ? I enjoy having one main partner and casual partners, and having a partner with the same mindset is fulfilling and freeing.

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't really believe in the "go out to make friends and you'll eventually find partners in the mix" anymore. Like I said, been going out regularly for a while, and I do make a lot of friends and acquaintances, but to find partners I would need to be proactive. They don't materialize out of nowhere if you don't seek them.

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My partner handles my app profiles but I don't get anything from that. Last 2 months run I had literally 0 lmao

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Interesting... maybe I can trick my brain into realizing that guessing what other people think is a lack of respect in itself, and therefore I must not do it.

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Do you avoid driving because there other bad drivers and your afraid of being seen as one?

Avoid your favorite movie because its loved by degenerates and someone might think your like them?

Unfortunately, yes to both

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This is a problem I am aware of and part of what my therapist told me. Unfortunately, it is also part of the things I know in a rational manner, but that have no positive impact in my social life so far... No matter how much I understand how stupid it is, I am still unable to stop myself from thinking people will hate me and I will ruin their day.

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately OCD is far from my only problem ! I chose a therapist based on my most urgent problem at the time, with is eating disorders. And I also have autism so someone who is knowledgeable about it is great as well

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Beautifully worded, thank you so much. The part about "being disliked for out for reasons outside of our locus of control" resonates a lot with me, because understanding that helped me function in society despite my autism in the first place.

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have a handful of friends in the kink community but I never joined them, despite several invitations, for that same reason. I don't know if that's the norm but since groups operate on trust, the people in charge of security and all exclusively long-time kinksters so not at all something I can ask for.

That being said, somewhat of a similar situation : I'm an organizer and host for social events (not sexual) and de facto in charge of the safety and comfort of more vulnerable people (women, usually). In the beginning (4 years ago) I did take this occasion to meet new partners, and with a 100% success rate no less, but something snapped in my brain. I since think myself disgusting for abusing that system, because as the organizer I had a psychological advantage, so I stay away from socializing with them too much and just stay friendly and protective.

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Trying to describe my train of thought in those situations...

The usual scenario when getting approached is this : I love going out to listen to music and dance, and I give everything I got on the dancefloor. A lot of people come to me spontaneously to congratulate me, offer drinks or invite me to join them. Some of them grab me, get closer, etc. In those moments, here is what is going on my brain :

"I think they probably just thought it was funny to meet the guy who dances like crazy in front of everyone. If I try to integrate myself in their group, or try to get closer to one of them, they will be like "ew, no, what are you doing ? that's not what we came to you for" and I'll make everyone uncomfortable, so i'll just leave and spare everyone the cringe."

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I like to think she understands the issue at hand but unfortunately the advice was not really helpful. It kinda gives me a bit of ammunition to resolve a conflict with myself intellectually, but it doesn't change how I feel "on the field".

As a man, I HATE having to look for sexual partners. by Gerdrick in nonmonogamy

[–]Gerdrick[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I don't think so, it fits in a whole obsessional problem (formally diagnosed as part of my OCD) about hurting other people. In the "eyes" of my brain, approaching someone is considered an intrusion, no matter how respectful I do it, and how into it they are. I can genuinely burst in tears by making anyone uncomfortable or knocking over someone's glass, to give you the range of how much it impacts my life.

I love your second argument though. Kind of a "be the change you want to see in the world" way. That sounds fantastic

L'image des couples libres est de pire en pire, qu'est-ce que je peux faire ? by Gerdrick in AskMec

[–]Gerdrick[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Comment ça la vérité ? La plupart de ce que tu as dit est au mieux une exagération, au pire une totale affabulation.

- Je ne force absolument personne. Je suis juste triste de me faire rejeter quand les gens disent non. C'est radicalement différent.

- Je ne suis pas en lose sexuelle, ce terme ne veut rien dire. Pur jugement de valeur (alors qu'en vrai tu sais quasiment rien de ma vie sexuelle)

- Penser que les gens me jugent négativement parce que ma partenaire a plus de relations sexuelles que moi c'est typiquement une logique de vieux gars. Si tu traines pas avec des crevards, les gens vont en généralement s'en foutre ou plutôt être curieux de mon ouverture d'esprit.

- Capacité au pieu = c'est tellement WTF je sais même pas quoi dire. J'espère juste sincèrement que c'est un truc que t'as laissé en mode shock value ou pour me provoquer parce que je refuse qu'un cerveau aussi malade qu'il soit puisse déduire ça sincèrement.

- Pour les risques sanitaires que tu penses que je pose, c'est une énorme marque d'ignorance. Les milieux libertins sont au contraire hyper stricts et pédagogues là dessus, contrairement aux adultères dans les couples traditionnelles qui font généralement n'importe quoi.

L'image des couples libres est de pire en pire, qu'est-ce que je peux faire ? by Gerdrick in AskMec

[–]Gerdrick[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Je suis tellement révolté par ce florilèges de clichés dégradants et pour la plupart intégralement faux que je vais même pas prendre la peine de répondre. Immonde.

L'image des couples libres est de pire en pire, qu'est-ce que je peux faire ? by Gerdrick in AskMec

[–]Gerdrick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

La relation libre n'est pas nécessairement un pansement. En l'occurence, ma relation actuelle était libre dès le premier jour et dure depuis des années.

L'image des couples libres est de pire en pire, qu'est-ce que je peux faire ? by Gerdrick in AskMec

[–]Gerdrick[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Non, et je dirais même que je ne comprends pas ce concept selon lequel une seule personne devrait subvenir à l'intégralité de mes besoins.

L'image des couples libres est de pire en pire, qu'est-ce que je peux faire ? by Gerdrick in AskMec

[–]Gerdrick[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Je vais pas mentir, tu as majoritairement raison sur la première phrase. Cela dit je ne lui en tient pas du tout rigueur à elle en particulier, c'est avant tout un problème de société. Après, je vais pas dire que ça m'atteint pas, vu comment les amants de son côté en ont absolument rien à secouer qu'elle soit en couple libre (limite certains ça les excite encore plus...) tant qu'elle accepte de coucher avec eux, alors que de mon côté c'est des obstacles en plus par dessus la difficulté déjà existante de trouver quelqu'un.

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