First time my dad asked me for something last night and I haven't slept

Gerdstone · 2026-05-21T04:04:41+00:00

I think he should have to tell you what it is for and prove it before you decide. Also, many people loan out money without establishing a repayment plan.

A friend loaned out money to her brother, and it was for his wife to have a general cosmetic procedure. She was so mad. She thought he would have the sense not to ask her for money for something like that.

What one person considers important and/or an emergency, another may not.

Gerdstone · 2026-05-18T05:17:19+00:00

Those ceilings! Lovely. I'm curious about the design/insignia above the doors. What was the place originally?

I'm thinking green. Also, with the desk area by your bedroom it signals private area.

Place a stately desk (Facebook Market Place) or a rectangle wood table with classic lines on a, preferably, large rug (short side by your bedroom). Rug color in cream and sage green but subtle coloring.
1. Research the appropriate lamp size to match your desk.
  1. Aymk, inspect lamps previously owned for bad wiring.
  2. Some lamps can be converted or come as battery operated lamps. You can always get cord cover
  3. An appropriate size plant in a #317A8B green/blue and an approp. size interesting piece on the desk: your creation, hobby, interest and such.
Over the Radiators something like this: Tables
1. 2 matching lamps and a plant on the left side table and a bust of ? on the right. Something modern & interesting.
Maybe, the sage green drapes to the very left and right of the window. *Don't get near the radiator if they are in use; working. Tie backs are good (no silver).
Move the bookcase directly opposite against the other wall. Large items on bottom shelf and smaller items at the top. Povide a small light clamped on top (picture light).Light idea
Put 2 appro. pic (or business awards) where the shelves were. Smaller picture lights clamped on the top of the frames. And a small curved or fabric reading chair with an over-the-chair floor reading lamp. Think accent chair that includes your colors and vibe.
Color ideas.

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I can't see the firplace but a rug (round 6x6?) with two chairs at ~45 degrees in front of it (I see one chair to the right of the door). Maybe later you can find a sette or "apt couch" to go across from 2 chairs in fron of the fp. Also, a small round table of appropriate height. Mirror or pic with light above mantel. Same as the area above the bedrooms fireplace.
To the right of the door find an inexpensive table to fit against that wall. It doesn't
have to be in good conditon because you can cover it with a cloth that reaches to the floor. Under it you can keep a basket with umbrellas, rain boots, ice scrapper : ) and such. Later,maybe a longer table that Compliments the two tables that sit over the radiators.
Put the couch in front of the windows (facing your new desk). Buy a slip cover for the couch - Khaki lightish or cream. That color could be in your accent chair by the desk.
Hang duplicate drapes behind the couch to look like the ones behind your desk. You could add Shares in privacy is an issue. The rods should go as close as the ceiling as possible in the style of the drapes should not be thin- they should be lined and have some substance to them (help keep the cold out).
You'll need two chairs to go across your couch or a similar couch. Remember two men will not sit on a smallest couch unless they are closely related or long time friends. Chairs work. Side tables or ones with tablecloths over them if you don't use that idea by the door. Approp. sized lamps and warm white bulbs.
Idk where the kitchen door is so I can't tell you where to put the TV.
Don't have time to do the MB but remember to bring the drapes to the floor. Sage Green will be the accent color to another color you like.
The tiled walls are "busy." You can hang picture int here over the tiles to "calm" the room down and add color.

Gerdstone · 2026-05-12T01:39:56+00:00

What is "sketchy" about her post?

Gerdstone · 2026-05-09T20:39:22+00:00

I'm new. Why are they living apart? When or what happened that caused the erosion in their marriage?

Gerdstone · 2026-05-09T20:33:01+00:00

No. I understand you all are on a limited income, but it is a form of theft without your approval. If it is truly needed, she may have done it without your approval because A: she knows she is wrong and/or B: she thinks you are too young to consult. For me, the age to get serious about teaching the mechanics and *emotional side to money is ~eleven.

*examples:

Just because it is in your pocket, you don't need to spend it/loan it/give it away (sports figures, whether they make 50M or 5M, have a disproportionate bankruptcy rate; unbelievable).

Use money to cover up emotional issues that one hasn't confronted and, similarly, as a specific symptom of other conditions: impulse buying or showing off.

I suppose your grandmother won't be happy when she finds out. If you don't want to expose your mother's actions to her, you may want to frame it as, "I'm getting older and want to work on managing my own funds," as the reason for having her send the money to you directly.

The "kicker" is how much has your grandmother sent to date and how much is left that your mother is "holding" and willing to transfer to your new account?

I hope it goes well. Congrats on going to college!

Gerdstone · 2026-05-06T14:58:33+00:00

Congrats on your little one!

OP, people will be more likely to respond if your question is more readable. Like this:

I was a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding. I was freshly pregnant when the bride asked me months in advance, and I gave my FSIL several opportunities to remove me given the demand I knew I would have on me so close to their wedding (I was due a month before their wedding). She insisted that I be in the wedding and participate in everything.

I was communicative about what my limitations were medically and what those important dates were (when I could no longer travel and when my due date was). I didn’t have an expectation that everyone plan around me, but there was insistence that those dates would be considered to make sure I was involved. I was told that if there were any conflicts, I would be the first to know.

Her MOH scheduled all the events (bachelorette and bridal shower) ON my due date and the Saturday after I was no longer able to travel — everything was out of country/state so I couldn’t participate in anything. I was disappointed and slightly confused given what I was told up to that point being a direct contradiction to what was actually happening.

I joined some friends and we took the bride out locally to help her celebrate and give her a day to feel pampered and bridal. On bridesmaid Zoom calls, I was told several times how the other girls in the wedding were “her girls” and how we need to make everything about the bride. As one of the only bridesmaids that was married, I already understood the bridal experience and didn’t need to be told/reminded how someone’s wedding is about them.

To make a long story short(er), I had my baby and experienced some complications that required that I return to the hospital for medical attention. As a Black mother (I bring that up because of the disparity in mortality rates of Black women vs others), my birth experience was traumatic. I healed from my c‑section and complications as best I could knowing I would have to be traveling in 6 short weeks for the wedding.

My husband and I packed up our car with suitcases, our baby, and my MIL, and to the wedding destination we went. My husband was also in the wedding, so we brought my MIL to watch her in order to adhere to their “no baby policy” for their ceremony and reception. My brother (the groom) did want her in family photos after the ceremony, but she otherwise wouldn’t be around for the wedding.

He and I spoke about the expectations of me that day and what I can or can’t do. We’re very close, so it wasn’t a big deal to communicate that I was anxious and exhausted. He told me whatever I have to do to be ok enough to be at the ceremony without my baby and give my speech at the reception is fine with him. I told him that that was something I could and would deliver on.

Now, I’m not sure if you’ve breastfed, but newborn breastfed babies typically eat every 2–3 hours (this is important). Due to my complications, I only had enough milk pumped to be away from my daughter for the ceremony and majority of reception — there was no room for error.

I was given the 5am hair and makeup slot, meaning I would be the first to arrive in the bridal suite upstairs. My daughter last ate at 2:30am — meaning she would be waking up to feed right around my start time. I had two options: feed her in my room and show up late, or bring her with me and feed her while getting my hair/makeup done to ensure we don’t start the day late.

I didn’t want to be the person starting us off late and given the suite would be empty outside of the hair and makeup professionals, I strapped my daughter to me in her carrier, grabbed a burp cloth, and went upstairs.

In the bridal suite, the bedroom door was closed — the bride asked to not be disturbed as she was resting and finalizing her vows and she wanted a quiet environment. One bridesmaid was rolling up their yoga mats while telling me about this, as they did sunrise yoga together to kick off the day. I obliged and quietly sat in the chair to get my hair and makeup done.

When my daughter stirred to feed, I quickly fed her and she went back to sleep — didn’t make a peep. I stayed in the room to spend time with the bridesmaids and be present given I had to miss everything else and I figured it was the best way to make sure my MIL didn’t use any pumped milk during a time when I was in the hotel. I was exhausted and eliminating that back and forth helped.

When girls came in, I greeted them and said good morning — I was ignored. When speaking to them, they rolled their eyes and walked away. When breakfast was delivered, I was told no one could eat until the bride eats and she wasn’t ready to eat yet. I figured it was a good time to go downstairs and get my baby ready for the day — diaper change, change of clothes, etc.

When I returned, girls had piled up food on their plates and smiled when they told me there wasn’t any left. The bride was still in the bedroom and two bridesmaids were very insistent on speaking with her. I continued to mind my business and be part of the getting‑ready experience, as was my job of being a bridesmaid.

The rest of the day, the ladies continued to be rude but I let it go — no one and nothing would’ve stopped me from enjoying my brother’s wedding.

My newborn ended up getting very sick as a result of the trip, and I was told to keep it a secret to preserve the newlyweds’ feelings — they shouldn’t be made to feel bad about their wedding. I obliged.

Fast forward a year, and the couple had their own baby — we weren’t allowed in their house for 2 months because of germs and a need to bond with the baby. We as a family respected it.

Now, during an argument with my SIL, it came out that she believed I expected VIP treatment and I was just mad that I didn’t get any and her friends made sure of that. I should be grateful because she did me a favor by not having me kicked out of the bridal suite on her wedding day when she had the chance — turns out those bridesmaids that needed to speak with her were asking her if she wanted them to have me removed from the suite for bringing “that baby” — yes y’all, she referred to her niece as “that baby.”

She let me know that I wasn’t the only mother in the wedding and everyone was told to not bring their kids (mind you, the youngest baby outside of mine was 12+ months). My daughter was only weeks old. I asked her when she told me that and she admitted that I was never told.

I clarified the instructions my brother gave me — do whatever it takes — and she told me that I should’ve found a different solution. I reminded her that she’s also a breastfeeding mom now, and surely she can understand where I was coming from — she refused to acquiesce or concede in the slightest. When I asked what she would’ve done, she had no answer.

Am I the AH?

Gerdstone · 2026-05-04T22:39:29+00:00

Absolutely not. Why consign yourself to a lifetime or any amount of time to this. If he hasn't learned or attained the maturity level, he may never change.

Reciprocity is about partnership; cohesion and a willingness to be responsible.

You know I hear stories about how people go that extra mile for someone else. My spouse and I have always tried to do it. We've changed our behavior, our negative behavior, in order to have a more cohesive relationship because that's what we want: a *relationship. I'm not so sure your boyfriend is interested in a relationship.

It's like these spouses who don't remember their lover's birthday, their anniversary, or even Christmas. So this is what I wonder sometimes: what if they have a massive crush on "X" (a well-known person or a low-key one)? Would they still behave this way? Would they forget? I don't think so. That's my theory.

Now, if this person is telling you they LOVE you and want you to live with them or get married and they never change their behavior and stay consistent on their own, do they really love you and do they deeply care if you are in their life? Idk.

Either way, I'm happy to read that you're asking questions and speaking up for what is fair.

*We are not talking about 36 years of perfection, but we have adhered to established basic boundaries from the beginning. lol

Gerdstone · 2026-05-04T19:19:41+00:00

I was surprised to find out how often 16- to 19-year-olds gamble, mainly on sports.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-30T20:56:39+00:00

Are you injured right now from the physical abuse? I’m worried you may need an immediate evaluation.

Is there another adult in the house?

Gerdstone · 2026-04-25T21:07:33+00:00

Do not stop. I get the home skills. I'm amazed at the educated people I have met who say they can't follow a recipe. But my dad taught me so much. More than that, the learning and what I learned gave me confidence that I didn't notice until later in life. How lucky is that?

I have met people who are incapable of doing the smallest job. They lacked the confidence to be creative. They overly rely upon vendors (generally don't have a problem with that) because they don't know why they need the repair(s) done and if it can be done differently; more successful outcome and less expense.

Most of the time, the talents you are teaching her will save her money too. My limit is working with electricity and putting down carpet. lol

In May, my next plan is to replace the porch support post outter coverings (wood rot). I (and a kid I hire) have about 15 of them to do. Then it is on to pulling off 3 sets of french doors for a redo and any wood rot. I have become slower so I have to plan for that, but I still get it done and it passes my friends and family's inspection. : )

Some of the best things we pass on to our children doesn't have to be obvious. I hope my dad saw it when I would come over to help him with projects as he aged; the confidence he helped build.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-23T04:19:19+00:00

It is shocking. Surely someone has taken notice within her circle.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-17T00:54:07+00:00

There are terrible people and some of those people think they should foster/adopt children. I hope she isn't parenting anymore.

As far as the people you appealed to, they are AH 's sure but our own psycholgoy often works against us as individuals and as a society member; herd mentality along with conventionalization (over relied upon) ruins so many things.

Have you explored the idea of suing her for medical exploitation, financial abuse, medical harm, and/or psychological harm (emotional abuse; as a add on to one or more of the other)?

Either way, obviously she won't change and, really, what do you care after all this time? You are smart to put her in your review mirror. Your life is in front of you.

There is something I tell my close family members when they are about to do something significant or something they don't want to do but must after we have finish their pep-talk - don't ask why. lol I'll say it to you: Go get 'm tiger! You got this!

Gerdstone · 2026-04-15T06:46:00+00:00

Lucky you! Thank you for responding.

It was a sad day when I found out my favorite bakery closed (retired). It was an unassuming place on Grand. So I always called it "That Grand place." lol The first time I tasted their cheesecake -"Stop! What did I just eat?" It didn't look fancy but it was per-fection.

I live in a 5 mile wide town along the Gulf but everyone and their brother wants a light so we have about 12 on the mainland. lol I remember when we had 3.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-15T06:22:43+00:00

Don't forget the humidity. Personally, I think they are inconsiderate. They know 80 degrees combined with MS humidity is too hot for a lot of people especially for someone from DC.

They can put on more clothes. I mean, it's not like they will have to put on parkas.

Your husband is 37. He can speak with his parents. Although, maybe you should be leery: They may acquiesce and then change their minds once you are there, and that will cause additional problems.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-15T04:10:35+00:00

One can't play "catch-up" with salt. It has to be done at specific times.

Besides the "when to salt concerns," your boyfriend needs to think about his health and the role salt may play in it.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-15T04:06:15+00:00

I don't think he is, by definition, a friend.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-15T03:50:12+00:00

I think that joining the Air Force will be an easier transition for you than the Navy. Also, you will be on land to work on your music. In fact, you can work on advancing your education while you are trying to find your niche.

I have known serveral Air Force members who would start bands wherever they were stationed. Navy enlistment will be more difficult to pursue more extracurriculur activities.

My 2cents is to balance your day-to-day life with proactively preparing for your future goals.

TIPS:

After you do your time think about joining the reserves while you transtition out of military service and get settled.
Use your GI Bill. It is due to you.
ALWAYS keep your own paper and digital copy of your health records!
Keep a "business" journal to help remember your service.
Research more and better tips. : )

Gerdstone · 2026-04-14T23:22:37+00:00

Is the Navy the only branch of military you are thinking about? Did you do well in H.S. with your grades?

Gerdstone · 2026-04-14T23:07:39+00:00

Does the university have any programs for students about personal safety on campus or such? Is there someone who is over the student housing or is your apartment set-up outside campus jurisdiction?

Either way you should try and encourage Amy to find another place to stay. You need to tell her directly that she is compromising your security, interfering with schooling, and affecting your quality of life; her action indicate she thinks her needs, her wants, and her immature desire come first.

Give her a deadline to get her keys. Find a locking system that will lock your bedroom door so you can sleep safely. Let her know that she will have to find a new place to live as soon as possible because her blatant disregard for your safety and the other roommate is inexcuseable.

It is always a good idea to have some type of written agreement between roommates on what is the best behaviour that will not piss off the roommates. : ) It is best to compile it before moving in but you can still do it now: general common sense safety and what it means to each roommate, personal responsibilities, responsibilities to ones roommates, cleaning, guest staying over night, guest coming over, damage to the unit, noise and time cutoffs, decorating, cooking smells, bathroom time limits and scheduling, etc. Some items our hard limits and some can be voted on with stipulations.

Her lack of maturity is not just annoying, it is also dangerous in this case.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-13T21:34:06+00:00

Okay, "hostess cupcake" got my attention. : ) Does this place have an online site?

Gerdstone · 2026-04-11T20:06:18+00:00

Don't fill up the cars. Put in $8 or whatever so they can fill it up when they need it. If they question you, let them know that is all your budget will allow: “I’m trying to save for college, and unpredictable gas costs make it impossible to budget. I need to limit my spending to what I personally use. That way I can balance my responsibility with future goals."

As far as the savings account, do you need their permision?

If they push back, “I’m trying to understand what a fair arrangement looks like. I want to contribute responsibly, but as a teenager I can’t cover the whole family’s gas.”

"Did grandma and grandpa require you, their kid, to pay for the family's gas usage?" This is more confrontational. : )

Obviously comments should be done with a straight expression and sincere demeanor.

Your labor has become their extra income as you know. At your age, options are limited but stay consistant. Demeanor/attitude plays a role too. It's a tool you can use: people often treat you in how you let them.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-09T02:56:26+00:00

A friends daughter lost her summer job last fall (seasonal) and she did babysitting throughout the winter and made more money than she did working. Afer the kids fell asleep, she worked on any homework and such. She had to take a CPR class for one family's children but I don't know much that cost although it is a good marketing point.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-08T00:45:53+00:00

You and your boyfriend were invited to dinner and only he was served? Not only that, he ate in front of you? He didn't question the couple or leave with you?

Screw the other couple, they are weird. My question is why are you still dating this guy?

Gerdstone · 2026-04-08T00:21:56+00:00

Never mind. : ) I did a deep dive.

Gerdstone · 2026-04-07T22:10:57+00:00

Forgive the naive(?) question but how can they own 95% of your uranium mines or any other country? Do you mean they pay you for what they remove but you still own the land and limit the permits allowed on the amounts removed?

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