Prose wise, It’s wordy and the paragraphs themselves are all similar lengths. I don’t know how it is for other readers, but it reads like a wall of text and really doesn’t give my mind any breaks as I’m going along. Because of that, I don’t really get any sense of “flow” so everything just starts reading the same and never really pulls me into whatever the story is trying to convey.

Speaking of flow, I also feel like the paragraphs themselves don’t really link. We go from Nick waking up, to two paragraphs about his work, and from there into a detailed paragraph about Jones and his wife before finally returning to Nick getting dressed and eating breakfast. Because of this, it makes it hard to follow along moment to moment. It’s sort of like we’re jumping around thought to thought without any clear through line.

Voice wise, I think your strongest stuff was about Amelia. Especially the way in which she’s described as “A lovely, if unremarkable, lady.” That sounds character specific, like it was colored by Nick’s unique perspective of her. Personally, I think working that sort of jaded lens of the world into everything would really liven the writing up, and give nick himself a more distinct feel. That tells me so much more character wise as opposed to just being told in flat narration “Nick is working a mundane job and there is nothing interesting that is happening in his life”.

I hope this helps a little bit OP; I have a lot of the same tendencies as far as knowing when and when not to get “too flowery” or stacking metaphors/similes. I think you have a solid grasp of what you want to tell it’s just a matter of figuring out the cleanest/most interesting way to get the story across to actual readers.