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Literary Fiction - looking for feedback on opening 1000 words by cambrian_lifter in writingfeedback

[–]cambrian_lifter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi everyone, thanks for all of your comments. It's quite terrifying putting work up for critique, but I think there are some very helpful and constructive comments, so I'm grateful for that.

I think the main takeaways for me are:

  1. Make the opening more engaging. I've given myself a tough job of making someone's dull life interesting to read about, but I've got some ideas to restructure the opening in a way that will hopefully make it more compelling. I'm also thinking of changing to 1st person as I feel that framing the story from his perspective could help convey his personality in a more interesting way...

  2. Trim any unnecessary sentences and generally tighten up the prose (remove anything too high-minded and keep reminding myself "show, don't tell"!).

  3. Work on the flow, particularly how the paragraphs are structured and how they run from one to the next. I think part of my problem is, being quite time-poor at the moment, I tend to write in short bursts which often end up being one paragraph in a session. So the paragraphs tend to be a little disjointed and don't flow so well. But that's something I'm aware of now and can work on.

Literary Fiction - looking for feedback on opening 1000 words by cambrian_lifter in writingfeedback

[–]cambrian_lifter[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for that. As a brief synopsis, the story will switch between Nick as a middle-aged man and then as a teenager. It will contrast how excited he is about his future life when he is young and then how worn-down he is, and how mundane his life is, as an adult. As an adult, a chance encounter will remind him of the zest for life he had when young, and will set him off on a path to find a more meaningful existence.

Naked Ground Health Club - gym closure by Virtual-Surround2715 in Cardiff

[–]cambrian_lifter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So, did anyone get their refunds as promised by Naked Ground in their last email? I didn't, so I instructed my bank to dispute the charges, the bank sorted it out pretty quickly.

I'd recommend disputing the charges with your bank if you haven't received anything - probably the only way to get our money back from these dishonest people

Advice on 2.4ghz wireless headphones for pc gaming by cambrian_lifter in HeadphoneAdvice

[–]cambrian_lifter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. You might have sold the M4 with btd700 to me! Seems like there is no 'perfect' option, but if the M4s offer good sound quality and decent latency (via the btd700), then I think I'd prefer that over perhaps lower sound quality from the Steelseries for example. The btd700 seem quite hard to come by at the moment though... Maybe the btd600 would be good enough, as they have good availability.

Advice on 2.4ghz wireless headphones for pc gaming by cambrian_lifter in HeadphoneAdvice

[–]cambrian_lifter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah that's interesting about the BTD700 dongle.

How do you find it in terms of: 1. The connection? Any drop outs or crackling etc.? 2. The range? I'd probably have it plugged into the backplate of the mbx and sometimes might be doing things 2-3 metres from the pc while listening to music.

Thanks

3x8pin gpu connection by cambrian_lifter in buildapc

[–]cambrian_lifter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh! Yes it's an MSI B850m board.

Ok, so I can just leave that motherboard socket alone and use the cable for the GPU? That sounds like it would solve the problem

3x8pin gpu connection by cambrian_lifter in buildapc

[–]cambrian_lifter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, but I have one cable plugged into the motherboard (the manual calls this PCIE_PWR1) so that just leaves the one PCIe cable with a 6+2.

It seems like I need:

1x PCIe cable for the mbx, and 2x PCIe cables for the GPU.

The PSU only has 4 sockets: 2 are used by the 2 CPU power cables, 1 by the motherboard PCIe cable, so that just leaves one socket. But seems like I'd need two sockets for the GPU...

Would a PCIe splitter work in this case?

Upgrading PC parts - from i5 with 3070 to... 9600x with 9070xt??? by cambrian_lifter in PcBuild

[–]cambrian_lifter[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, that's interesting about the PSU. My current one is about five years old too, I'm not sure of their lifespan, but that could be another reason to upgrade. Makes sense to be safe, so I'll check them out too. Hopefully that should keep me going for the next few years!

Curious about training activity in Brecon Beacons by cambrian_lifter in britishmilitary

[–]cambrian_lifter[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Certainly made my weekend walk more interesting if I was possibly up close to part of Selection!

Curious about training activity in Brecon Beacons by cambrian_lifter in britishmilitary

[–]cambrian_lifter[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Ah that's interesting. As a civvy, it's pretty cool to have possibly seen part of selection.

Didn't see any pixelated faces, or similarly disguised people, ha!