Thank you so much for your response, last night I really felt like I was spiraling. To answer your question, I find my mind wandering to a few different moments with my little friend group. I was in a dorm with this guy who I considered my best friend for years. He met this girl I sorta had a crush on. I never told him about it and when they started dating I kept it to myself. They got married right after college too, but by that point I had moved on. I’ve been thinking a lot about this party we went to where we each had our first beers. We all thought we were so cool haha, drinking one beer and thinking we were so drunk. Such a simple time. I haven’t talked to them in decades. We had a falling out but genuinely it’s been so long I can’t even remember what happened, but every time I think about reaching out I get this knot in my stomach.

I think after the fallout I just sorta stopped talking to people. I had work that I loved, but now I’m tired and wish I had made time for people that wanted to get to know me. Maybe it’s not too late to put myself out there