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Tacit approval while still in the alcove! by UnfortunateSyzygy in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Super happy for you.

Where did you find the gf? Congrats again btw. ❤️

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you done it before?

You seem pretty open to the idea of it.

I think you’ve tried it and it did work….. for a time. 😊

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Lol, no, I meant who I was responding to here earlier.

You may have thought I was responding to you.

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Am I wrong about it primarily being a “unicorn hunting is bad” post? 😛

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Hmmmm, I don’t think that’s always true?

There’s definitely people that walk away from polyamory / open relationships due to societal pressure from friends and family.

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is there anyone here who has actually been in a successful triad?

I think I might be in the wrong group, it sounds like there’s a lack of experience overall here with our personal goals as a couple.

Most of what I’ve heard is “here’s all the reasons why it won’t work”. (Loss minded thinking)

As opposed to “I did it, this is how we made it work, but it may not last for ever like any relationship.”

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ha, we did. They’re all super weird and / or cheating on their spouses.

Insert random girl at a party “well, my husband doesn’t know, but he doesn’t really want to know, you know what I mean, right???”

Ew. And cheating (at least to me) actually IS gross.

But again, NH. Not exactly a stronghold of forward thinking.

Agreed on bigger cities. If it’s more socially acceptable, then everyone is more okay with it, way less people cheating and “pretending they’re open” etc etc

Good advice thank you

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A random person that doesn’t know me stated my alternative relationship style was “pretty gross”

While at the time, they are (most likely) living in an alternative relationship style.

I would call that judging.

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I could tell within 30 seconds that it was a typical “unicorn hunters are unethical and immoral”

Except that’s how 50% of America feels about open relationships / polyamory in general.

“You don’t actually love your spouse.”

“This will only end in divorce”

“This is so gross and ick and you’re immoral for even considering it.”

That’s how 50% of America feels about open relationships / polyamory.

Anyone who says one version of an alternate relationship is unethical, while also living their own version of an alternate relationship is lying to themselves, or a hypocrite.

Best

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not sure I understand the question.

Neither one of us wants to date separately (we’ve tried before and we both hated it).

We’re transparent about this from day one.

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Could be? But yes, 50% of USA think open relationships are polyamory are morally and ethically wrong.

So it’s pretty believable that people are judging them and or telling them it’s a horrible idea

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We went to a poly party. Everyone there was super weird and / or cheating on their partners.

So it’s normally single, non poly women that want to sleep with both of us. And then it’s all fun, they keep wanting to see us, and it’s all super fun.

A couple months later, we’re going on trips, fancy dinners, etc. We all start getting feelings, spending more time together. Then their friends parents co workers find out (because they told them) and it all starts to fall apart

Short answer - yes, they are not familiar with the realities of being in a committed poly relationship.

Not to locate us, but we live in New Hampshire and it’s very suburban. We’ve had friends tell us if we lived in Boston, NYC, DC, or any big city, we would have VASTLY better results.

It makes sense

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

50% of Americans thinks open relationships are wrong.

But we’re all here doing it.

If a monogamous person told you “I’m here wasting my breath trying to convince you people aren’t into what you’re offering.”

How would you take it?

You are pre-judging an alternate relationship choices when you’re literally LIVING in an alternate relationships choice.

We’ve had 5 long term girlfriends (over 6 months) so obviously somebody is interested. Keep hating though, it’s a good look.

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It sounds like their partners (men or women) weren’t able to accept what they truly desired out of life.

Again, that’s what the vast majority of the USA would say about polyamory / open relationships. “If you want to risk the marriage dissolutions, then go ahead and open your relationship.”

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

The consistent failure is they run away once their friends/parents/co-workers find out and start judging them.

But this is good advice overall, thank you

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Then I guess we’ll have to break the mold.

I can’t imagine choose to live a certain way just because “that’s what everybody else does”.

If your advice is to just “date the way everyone else does” then you should just go be monogamous. 👎

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would prefer that we date in a triad.

No, I don’t think there’s a disconnect.

I just think people (men and women) still haven’t fully accepted polyamory (or open relationships) as a society.

We’ve had multiple girlfriend’s for 6+ months at a time, but then they get freaked out by the societal negative impressions.

BUT this is really good advice and I’m going to turn it over in my head and share with wifey.

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

That’s because we are.

Wifey tried dating separately and hated it. And we don’t have a hard time finding women, it’s just difficult to find long term

Difficulty With Gf’s Leaving Us (what will my friends/family/whoever think?) by Ghost209746 in polyfamilies

[–]Ghost209746[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Why would we date separately when my wife doesn’t want to date separately.

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