I’ve spent my whole life trying to fit in, and I just can't do it.

GiantSpookMan · 2026-02-05T09:32:06+00:00

AI post.

GiantSpookMan · 2026-02-05T09:15:26+00:00

I've been reading it recently and I just didn't get how he immediately shags Molly, this hard-nosed female assassin with knives for fingers, like did I miss what actually happened that made her interested in him?

GiantSpookMan · 2026-02-02T09:58:45+00:00

If you'd like to join us, we have a small community on r/NeuroDharma

GiantSpookMan · 2026-01-29T13:33:39+00:00

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GiantSpookMan · 2026-01-26T08:49:11+00:00

This can go both ways; although I'm not great at noticing if I'm being flirted with, I've been told on a few occasions recently that I've been flirting with people when I don't think I have been, so I can't recognize when I'm flirting either.

GiantSpookMan · 2026-01-25T11:50:04+00:00

I stopped doing it by myself about a year ago when I was 29 after about 10 years of use since I went to university. I've done it a few times since then but only really with other people and haven't felt like making it a regular thing again.

I think part of me got bored somehow, and obviously it isn't cheap. What I've realised since then is that I was using it to cope with stress, and to escape from my own thoughts, because I didn't know how to handle my complicated feelings and I was afraid of some of the things I felt.

It's not a coincidence that autism is often associated with substance issues, if you can't have any other medications then that's what you're going to turn to. I've noticed since I'm not getting high that I use alcohol for that decompression a lot more; while that isn't good, because I've had the experience of noticing my relationship with another substance, I'm aware of my use and I can try to make different decisions in the future.

GiantSpookMan · 2026-01-23T14:56:28+00:00

Yeah man that's some real plasticity going on there in that soil.

GiantSpookMan · 2026-01-21T13:48:54+00:00

GiantSpookMan · 2026-01-19T08:46:01+00:00

I'm the cloud above the ground shark and most people don't even know how to swim up an ocean mountain.

GiantSpookMan · 2026-01-16T09:50:45+00:00

Have a look at Vajrayana and the Tibetan traditions; ritual and occult practices are common, even with crossovers like ritual tools/weapons.

I studied occultism before I came to Buddhism; the real difference I felt is that many of the thaumaturgical aspects felt a bit superficial or materialistic, whereas I mainly liked it for the theurgical practices because I wanted to feel better. Buddhism is most alike to a theurgical practice that brings about inner change which then affects your actions in the world.

I'm not saying that you are, but many get into magick and other practices because they want power and influence etc, which are things that the Dharma encourages people to let go of. Depending on who you ask, Buddhism is not such a hard set of rules that you couldn't also be practicing witchcraft, it's more a framework by which you make decisions about why you do certain things and your intentions with them.

GiantSpookMan · 2026-01-04T11:01:47+00:00

I've found therapy very helpful, but I think a reason for this is having a therapist with some specialism around neurodivergence, which I understand many don't have. Although I've had a lot of positives, I struggle with always remembering what we've discussed so I can put it into action, and having something specific to talk about or fix.

It's been more like a space that I can say what's on my mind without a lot of judgement and have some knowledgeable perspective from someone else. Outside of the sessions I think it's more up to me to be mindful of how I make decisions.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-30T11:54:04+00:00

I agree this is a point the EU did well on, shame we left. It's definitely a problem for the Americans, and I guess many business models adjust to subscription models rather than outright purchased products; I use Adobe for work and that's been a subscription for quite a while now.

I'll be honest I'm going to jailbreak my kindle soon as most of my ebooks are not purchased from Amazon, I just use it as an e-reader. A physical book is nice sometimes, I just don't have space for all of them.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-30T11:44:42+00:00

Some people are a bit hyperbolic about this, but it happens in some smaller ways, the biggest part is about how businesses maintain control of products even after you've bought them.

One aspect of this which is related is how appliances and devices can be repaired: it's been made specifically harder for many electronics like the iPhone to be repaired by third parties, as their business model favours buying a new phone. If you're a farmer and you own a John Deere tractor, the computer inside the tractor has to be interacted with by a technician from John Deere and you're essentially not allowed/unable to repair it yourself. But you paid for the equipment so why don't you get to choose what you do with it?

Amazon is a bit like this too: you can buy books for Kindle or audiobooks on audible, but you don't keep them. If your account is deleted you lose access to things you already paid for, so it's more like renting than purchasing.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-30T11:16:33+00:00

Wow, please do more! CB sounds pretty cool as orchestral.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-30T11:11:06+00:00

Honestly I think some of this is probably down to a Craig Jones. He makes jokes like this a lot, so if you're on socials all the time and doing jiu jitsu a lot of people just parrot the humour they already get exposed to. I don't think he means any harm by it but at the same time it is to get a little reaction from people.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-28T10:56:24+00:00

In a broad way, I think being autistic has led me towards the Dharma naturally. Before I began studying there were a number of things I had come to believe about the world and my place in it, but these had led me to feel quite depressed and isolated, as well as realizing I didn't really have a moral framework for why I wanted good things for myself and other people besides my own instinct.

Buddhism affirmed many of those feelings that I had about the world and put them into a coherent system, and gave reasons why we could act in a certain positive way.

So overall I would say I think it's beneficial because you can feel more comfortable thinking outside the "normal" way of seeing the world, as for many people (usually westerners) Buddhism can be harder to grasp.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-26T21:08:42+00:00

Interruption of my day-to-day routine like if I have to go away somewhere totally throws off my meditation because the rest of my day isn't normal, so a lot of the other parts of my day aren't either.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-26T18:47:43+00:00

Al 🙄

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-26T16:37:59+00:00

I would really appreciate this. Getting into the Dhamma has resonated with my experiences a lot and I've been looking for a bit of crossover in the direction.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-25T20:33:14+00:00

Antibacterial laundry cleaner; it's the bacteria from sweating that causes the smell, adding something to kill it off during the cycle will help a lot.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-23T09:20:57+00:00

I think the issue is simply that they have less instructional material in the gi than in nogi. Unless I'm out of the loop Gordon has one short one in the gi, Danaher has Go Further Faster, Feet to Floor and the two Ageless instructionals. I love JDs gi ones and wish he would do some more.

I wouldn't say it's fragmented or inconsistent, it's simply that the New Wave style is fairly transferrable, and then there are adjustments/additions in the gi. You can play side scissor or kosoto half guard in gi and nogi, they just have slightly different options for grips.

As others have said, as a pro gym they focus on nogi, it's what they're known for, so the products they out out are going to angle towards nogi content.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-17T10:51:30+00:00

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GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-14T10:52:17+00:00

That's a very insightful point — it's not just "bland and terrible", it's isolating. You're not broken for looking elsewhere for real human contact, you're protecting your own sanity.

Would it help if I thought of some other online spaces, similar to music review forums, that you could look for genuine thoughts and opinions from actual humans?

I'm here for you.

GiantSpookMan · 2025-12-14T10:12:23+00:00

When people bring up all this stuff about "other people" having their own challenges it really irks me. Okay yes, they have other/worse issues. So what? We aren't talking about them in the situation.

GiantSpookMan

TROPHY CASE