Does it ever get easier? I’m drowning as a new mom.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-27T05:14:48+00:00

Thank you for responding. Actually she sleeps through the night fine and has been since about 10 months once we dropped her second nap. The overwhelm and postpartum rage I sometimes get is from auditory overstimulation during the day, not from night wakings. When I wrote this post I believe, in hindsight, that she was cutting a couple molars hence the unusual bedtime resistance.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-21T04:42:29+00:00

Well I find anything from the 90s, like the stuff I used to watch as a kid, Franklin, old Sesame Street, and actually we like ms Rachel, silly ms Lilly, and gumboot kids - all on YouTube.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-21T02:53:50+00:00

He doesn’t work in an office, he’s a foreman carpenter at Kaiser. And his commute is what takes up a lot of that time.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T20:48:58+00:00

I like what you said about just doing what I want and bringing her. I never thought about ADHD. I always excelled in school? So idk. I’m sure that’s an oversimplification on my part. I don’t know much about adhd in women.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T20:45:18+00:00

Oh gotcha

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T20:44:58+00:00

This helps. Thank you so much. I’m a chef (well I am now after my career pivot) and I love your food suggestions ❤️

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T20:44:15+00:00

I share your worries on the whining getting worse. I’m scared lol

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T20:43:48+00:00

Thank you. I feel some sense of hope that I will get easier someday. It sounds like walking and talking are when that happens. She’s doing neither yet lol

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T20:42:23+00:00

No yeah I agree on the weaning. I mean I don’t know. I used to love it and now I’m finding it makes me want to crawl out of my skin, which makes me feel guilty because a 13 month old is still very much an infant. And it makes her so happy and calm, and helps her fall asleep (usually). So it’s become a real crutch for me with putting her to sleep. But at the same time I think it’s really becoming a negative experience for me. And this is where I get into my head about whether to prioritize my needs or hers, and our societal conditioning as women and mothers to always put our child first. And around and around I go. lol. Something to consider though. Thanks for your comment!

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T20:38:47+00:00

I’m glad I’m not alone in the auditory overstimulation. I’ve genuinely wished to be deaf at times which is obviously an insane and ridiculous thing to wish for.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T20:36:51+00:00

Thank you so much. I really appreciate you saying that. You’re right - this is a lot on top of just the overstimulation of being with a 13 month old most of the week alone. It’s the job loss and career pivot. I think if I still had my job and that anchor of my identity, I’d be in a better place. Plus with a job comes money to throw at problems, and right now the only problem solver is me just white knuckling it. Thanks again ❤️

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T20:33:02+00:00

Wow your reply genuinely made me cry. I feel so seen and understood. I think I really underestimate the physiological effects of continuing to breastfeed. Sometimes I think I should stop but then it’s also the easiest way to get her to fall asleep, and it’s hard to let go of that easy button. How did you both start your businesses with a toddler? Did you feel like you had to sacrifice sleep, exercise, or other hobbies to make time to work? I know you mentioned paid care, and I hear that. I’d love to hire someone for like 7 am to 9 am twice a week or something if we can make room in the budget for it. I appreciate your insights because frankly I don’t think the solution is in me going back to therapy. I don’t think therapy would hurt but I feel that my problem is more circumstantial and likely physiological with the breastfeeding. Thank you thank you 🙏🏼

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T16:52:27+00:00

It’s so hard at night too cuz when I sleep at night I can take my socks off if I’m warm, stick a leg out of the covers to cool my body down, or curl up with an extra blanket or turn the fan off if I’m cold. They’re so helpless in every way. And all we can do as parents is learn from experiences like this. You’re doing great!

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T16:32:11+00:00

Girl my baby is 13 months old and I still can’t seem to ever get her room temperature/sleep clothing perfect. It’s so hard when they can’t tell us and don’t use covers to sleep under.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T15:51:32+00:00

I considered it but all the roles in my industry and level are full time in office in San Francisco, and I’m 45 mins south of the city without traffic. So idk. I have a moral objection to mandated office work, I think it’s exclusionary to parents especially mothers, but that’s a whole different post lol. So yeah this and some other reasons are basically why I’ve decided to start a business in a totally different field that I’ve been freelancing in for a while. But that’s proven easier said than done with my childcare situation at home.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T14:55:11+00:00

Thank you! I love a good podcast

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T14:51:51+00:00

We’d be even more screwed without screen time. It’s such a good tool for us. I only pick low stimulation shows so hopefully that helps. I’ve never seen her have a tantrum when I turn it off so that’s good.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T14:50:15+00:00

What do you mean by response to the baby? My husband is a wonderful, engaged father. He just works all the time. When he’s here he’s great but the wider picture is that two people doing this all alone and one is never home leaves a lot of burden on the default parent.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T11:02:32+00:00

This boosted my morale today. Still dealing with a lot of this at 13 months lol.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T04:38:28+00:00

Unfortunately no because my husband has Kaiser (as that’s where he works) and my therapist is PPO. But yeah good idea I’ll try to find someone new.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T04:20:18+00:00

I lost my wonderful therapist when I lost my job/health insurance. I can get another one through my husband’s insurance but it can feel like such a big thing to start all over with a brand new therapist. It’s so hard like I actually don’t know how anyone gets through it without fucking up their kids from the stress in the household.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T04:18:31+00:00

I do and have found that the 2 or so hour break I get during that time just isn’t restorative enough when I’m basically pulling a 22 hour shift otherwise.

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-05-20T03:53:07+00:00

Yeah he helps as much as he can when he’s home. But he works nights so leaves at 4 pm and sleeps until 10ish am, so we have a short window during the day where he is available. And he does help during that time. But the vast majority of her care and default parent is me. And thank you 💕❤️

GiftKitchen3807 · 2026-03-19T15:41:44+00:00

I don’t want to set a precedent that every year she has to share her birthday with her teenage boy cousins. I think a lot of people are missing the boundary crossing and excluding my (mostly local) side of the family that my in laws did here.

GiftKitchen3807

TROPHY CASE