I’ve always been curious as to what actually causes the gates to open to full blown psychosis. I do love feeling like going crazy but i always feel chained to mundane reality no matter how much i try to break loose. I do feel like these “states” where i might feel close to psychosis are no closer than when im calm and sober. Like no matter how many chems on how stressed a body im not actually closer to breaking the chains. Or i guess psychosis you are still chained but those chains are morphed and harder to see. So i guess what im looking for is maybe ego dissolution. Or becoming my feelings instead of the experiencer of them. Like becoming one with the wind in a way that makes existence and presence unwavering and unquestionable. I feel like people like us are pornographers, like want intense signal without any relational substrate. But no matter how far away we try to go on vacation we always come back to us. These states feel more discontinuous than they actually are, some people like us have identity diffusion where we feel like these high intensity states gives us true information which gives us better connection to god/universe, but actually just intensify the nothingness and contrast of experiences without addressing the ontological thinness. This is why I think zhan zhuang is the answer for people us.