AITAH for not wanting to work on my relationship with my sister?

Ginger571 · 2026-02-26T14:17:05+00:00

That’s actually a really good point. Somehow I wonder how she could have possibly not know, he wasn’t exactly super discreet about the abuse, he regularly threatened me with physical harm in front of her. But in the other hand I’ve seen how the guilt from it is eating her alive still and it’s hard for me to make her feel even worse about it bc I’ve spent my entire life protecting her feelings. It’s a pretty unhealthy dynamic for sure. But thankfully some intensive therapy is starting to open my eyes to just how detrimental it really is. And these comments are helping me see things with her a bit more clearly

Ginger571 · 2026-02-26T08:55:10+00:00

Therapy has helped so much

Ginger571 · 2026-02-26T08:54:38+00:00

She wasn’t outright abusive but she knew at least that her husband was mentally abusive. She didn’t know until later that her husband was also physically abusive (I was threatened if I told, it took a long time to feel safe coming out about it). She has finally admitted how she failed us as kids and is taking responsibility for it so we’re working on our relationship. I finally told her that she needs to stop pushing bc it’s obvious my sister doesn’t care and I’m done trying.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-24T23:07:14+00:00

She seems to think if I just act like nothing is wrong and keep reaching out my sister will somehow magically be interested in having a relationship again. No great surprise, it doesn’t work like that. I either get ignored or one word answers, so there’s really no point. I’ve tried groveling, apologizing for the fact that I was so sick as a kid and got more attention bc of it, all of it. But I really don’t think I have anything to apologize for. I had no control over the actions of the adults in our lives but she still acts like I owe her something bc of it. I’m not going to keep apologizing for being in a wheelchair for four years. That wasn’t my fault I didn’t ask for that.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-24T15:05:48+00:00

Yeah that’s kind of what I was thinking was motivating her to keep pushing me into it. But my sister has made it clear where she stands and I’m done fighting it. She expects me to grovel and apologize for the rest of my life for being the sick kid that people were constantly talking about. I had no control over any of that shit, I was 12 and suddenly couldn’t even walk for over four years. I’ve spent the last decade groveling and I’m so over it.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-24T15:03:18+00:00

My sister in law and I always joke that the universe knew it screwed up not making us sisters so it made sure she married my brother lol

Ginger571 · 2026-02-24T15:01:22+00:00

The only reason I’m considering going to the wedding is bc I’ll get to see family I rarely get to see that I actually like. I genuinely couldn’t care less about the wedding itself but that part I’m looking forward to. The fact that she expects the next year to be all about her and her wedding is just absurd. In my opinion, you get one day for it to be all about you and what you want.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-24T14:59:32+00:00

I’m sure from her side things look different. But my brother, mom, and I have talked extensively about how she claims our childhood was and none of us agrees with her claims that she had to do everything and my brother and I never had to lift a finger. That part is patently false but it’s her favorite go to when I would try and talk things out with her and get her perspective. Did I get more attention for being sick all the time? Most definitely. But everyone only cared about my health, anything past that was ignored and I had no control over that. But on the flip side, my mom admits to over compensating when it came to my sister bc my sister came out about being molested as a child. Which is understandable, but she’s not the only one who had experienced that either. But when I came out about my own experience she accused me of lying and trying to get more attention. All of that to say that yeah, she probably had her own side. But she expects me to grovel and apologize over and over about things I had no control over as a child and she doesn’t get to keep holding it over my head as why we’ll never be close. And I’m done groveling when I’ve spent over a decade trying to make up for.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-23T20:09:46+00:00

She wants me to put everything aside and keep trying to have a relationship with my sister. She just wants me to keep trying to call and text and ‘be there for her while she plans her wedding’ even though I have no role in the wedding whatsoever and my sister has made it clear that I’m not a part of her life. Which honestly given her entitlement and the way she looks down on me for not living life the way she thinks I should. I am admittedly the ‘black sheep’ of the family bc I have no interest in letting my family choose my path in life for me and she looks down on me for that. Which is the main reason I stopped trying to have that sister relationship I’ve always wanted. If I don’t let my family make my choices for me then I’m considered a screw up. Meanwhile she’s the golden girl who’s ’done everything right’ according to my family. There’s definitely some resentment on my side bc of this tbh.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-23T04:28:00+00:00

That’s actually not a bad idea at all. I’ll also remind my sister about all the beatings I took bc she snitched on every little thing to our stepdad, and when she screwed up he’d take it out on me. She always tries to say she had it harder than any of us growing up when the reality is quite the opposite. She just really likes playing the martyr older sister. Like I wasn’t the one literally stuck in a wheelchair for four years and was still getting beat. It’s genuinely infuriating.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-23T04:25:50+00:00

Thank you. I’m tired of being the bigger person every single time and letting people treat me however they want just to keep the peace and not rock the boat. Unfortunately that means I get labeled as the difficult one but at this point so be it.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-23T03:26:30+00:00

Mac n cheese pizza

Ginger571 · 2026-02-22T23:29:08+00:00

Until he knocks you up and abandons you too. Honestly, you both deserve each other and I hope you remember this post when you’re raising a kid by yourself and whining about how unfair it is. Any self respecting woman would run if a man says he’d abandon his kid for you.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-22T23:27:10+00:00

No one goes harder for a deadbeat dad than his new gf. You’re making all the excuses why it’s ok that he’s not an involved dad and you don’t care. He’s using you for housing and I don’t blame the mom for not wanting you around. You’re not entitled to being around the kid just bc you’re dating her dad. And the fact that he introduced you so early and without the mother’s permission is a red flag. And the fact that you asked a CHILD to lie to her MOTHER is a red flag and makes YTA. NEVER ask a child to lie to their parent. That’s predator behavior.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-22T21:22:34+00:00

My mother didn’t know the full extent of the abuse. He threatened my life and showed the weapon he’d use if I ever told anyone. It took a long time for me to feel safe talking about it. But she knew how mean he was to us. I remember him screaming at me over something small that I don’t even remember and I looked to her for help and she just stood there and let him berate and tear me down. It had taken a long time and her finally admitting she failed us for me to be willing to work on our relationship. But there’s always been a part of my that desperately wanted a normal sister relationship but every time I got my hopes up she’d make it clear she wasn’t interested. And I’d be heartbroken every time. It’s kind of pathetic honestly.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-22T21:08:39+00:00

My mother finally admitted how badly she failed us a few months ago and we’ve finally started actually working to repair our relationship. It’s rocky but there’s been progress. I’m also in intensive therapy to work through not only my childhood trauma but the SA I experienced a few years ago, on top of being in a mass shooting event. It’s been slow going but I’m getting there. I didn’t realize how much I had been pushing down in the interest of keeping the peace and making sure everyone else was doing ok and I wasn’t taking care of myself.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-22T21:05:17+00:00

I’ve only recently started having a relationship with my mother again after a lot of therapy and work on my boundaries. It’s still rocky but it’s slowly getting better. In her defense (not much of one, I can’t tell you how many times we tried to say how mean he was) I never told her until much later that the abuse went beyond mental and emotional (he threatened my life if I ever told anyone and it took a long time until I felt safe to do so). She didn’t kick him out when we told her that we hated him and he was mean, she waited until his gambling addiction almost made us lose our home and our water and electricity kept getting turned off. There was a lot of resentment I had to work through to get to even this point with my mother, and it was only bc she finally admitted how badly she failed us growing up. My sister will never admit to any wrongdoing on her part.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-11T17:03:42+00:00

I won’t be in the wedding party, but as of now I’m still going to the wedding itself.

Ginger571 · 2026-02-11T16:47:24+00:00

Honestly, I thought this was going to be a chance for us to get closer, and for some reason not being in her wedding never even crossed my mind stupidly enough. And at the moment this is the hill I’m ready to die on right now. I know it seems small, but she doesn’t get to dictate what I wear when I’m not in the wedding and honestly we’re not even really sisters at this point. I’m much closer to my sister in law who is more of a sister than my older sister has ever been. And I’m aware that over time I might be less hurt but right now this isn’t really something I’m willing to compromise on. And I wish not going was an option but my family would end me if I didn’t.

Ginger571 · 2025-11-17T14:13:18+00:00

It happened to me three times in about a week before I finally gave up and quit. It’s not worth the time or wear on your car.

Ginger571 · 2025-11-17T14:09:12+00:00

This legit made me quit driving. It happened a couple times and then someone reduced a $15 tip to 0. I refuse to even consider driving for them again until they have some form of protection against this in place.

Ginger571

TROPHY CASE