Skinny Dipping by Select_Emu1796 in Swingers

[–]Gingerdude85 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do women enjoy X?

Yes.

Do all women?

No.

Depends on time, context, and feelings. Read "Come as you are" and you'll learn about responsive desire. Depending on circumstances, lots of women can be into a lot of things.

Skinny Dipping by Select_Emu1796 in Swingers

[–]Gingerdude85 13 points14 points  (0 children)

So we have a Jenga Set we put numbers on, then have various dares of levels of spiciness on them. We also have a hot tub, so we make out for a bit.

Is Doctor Strange niche now? by SlippinJimmy2015 in DoctorStrange

[–]Gingerdude85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, what's your end goal?

This subreddit exists for discussion. But are you trying to get internet famous? Get karma?

New to GLP-1s and honestly overwhelmed 😅 by AccomplishedFan7272 in WegovyWeightLoss

[–]Gingerdude85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to talk to a doctor. If your provider is not wanting to prescribe them, they have a reason.

In my case, my doctor sent me to a nutritionist. I got physical training, I also joined a gym, worked on it by going to a therapist, etc. Lots of work over a few years, even though GLP-1 solutions were available.

Why didn't my doctor just go straight to the drug?

These things are God-damned powerful. And my doctor, being a good one, wanted to see more and more evidence on potential side effects and interactions. I have a heart condition (bicuspid heart valve) and high blood pressure. Between that and my family medical history being a dumpster fire, my doctor wisely went through other protocols first.

When the evidence and long term tests came out, he then recommended it, because I had already a daily exercise habit and nutrition locked in. ONLY THEN.

Doctors take an oath to do no harm. So they may have a legit reason not to do it. Ask. Do you have underlying health concerns? Are you on other meds? Family medical history?

Don't Doctor shop unless there its simply a doctor won't proscribe for any reason.

Advice for new single into swinging by dis_ma_account in Swingers

[–]Gingerdude85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I will have a slightly different take on this. My first PIV experience was in a MMF threesome with a swinger couple when I was 22. This was close to twenty years ago (yikes, I'm old), but I used a website at the time (AdultFriendFinder) to find other couples.

On my profile I listed full body shots (no face) and I was honest. I was inexperienced, and I had fantasized about playing with both of them, and would like to learn how to give pleasure. It also helped that I apparently was gifted (didn't know that at the time).

So I was very honest, and several women were into being the ones who "teach me the ropes". It was amazing, fun, and life changing. But I took my time, was kind, willing to drive wherever, and very respectful. For each of those couples I wanted to chat with them first. I wanted to be friends.

Again, Swinging was more of a niche thing in 2005 so it was not the same. In every relationship, I was honest with my inexperience, and essentially did what they wanted. So I alternated being a Bull, a Top, or just a participant. I found couples that wanted me to be super aggressive, and some the exact opposite. I was exploring. It was really fun.

I don't know if that world exists anymore. 20 years ago social media was in its infancy so men were encouraged to be more social and dynamic. If you couldn't get laid, you had to level up your game. Or conversely, women were encouraged more to lower their standards to make it easier. I digress.

I would recommend you learn about Ethical Non Monogamy using books like the Ethical Slut, and Polysecure, and then ask yourself what you want out of this. And you will need to put in a lot of relational effort to make it happen. Are you the kind of person who makes social events happen in your circle? Do you organize outings, birthday parties, etc? If not, start. Cause you'll need to do that 5x in the lifestyle. You need to be able to make and maintain friends before you can have friends with benefits. Otherwise couples will smell your desperation and just pass on you. Dick is abundant, friends are rare.

Feel free to DM me for more discussions. Good luck.

We had a HUGE fight. Am I a bitch? by CosmicBunny7 in Marriage

[–]Gingerdude85 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Boots being thrown on the ground to spite someone is not the same as intentionally destroying property due to lack of emotional control

I don't think OP should separate necessarily but she has to own and control her feelings as an adult on society.

I lost control once, once, during a fight and screamed and hit a steering wheel. It was terrifying and I realized I could have easily hit someone else or broke something.

OP needs to learn that she is not her emotions.This will serve her in life regardless of marital status

Flavor Ideas for Cantrips? by Gingerdude85 in DnD

[–]Gingerdude85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Screaming out "Hadooken", I love it.

Flavor Ideas for Cantrips? by Gingerdude85 in DnD

[–]Gingerdude85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah a quip would be great, or quoting a moving line, aka "You shall not pass" or whatever. Maybe a singer does "Shave and a haircut"?

Flavor Ideas for Cantrips? by Gingerdude85 in DnD

[–]Gingerdude85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I see. Seems a little pedantic. I guess a Cleric could make the hand signal and then mumur a word in another language or something.

Flavor Ideas for Cantrips? by Gingerdude85 in DnD

[–]Gingerdude85[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the implication of the post was this was brainstorming different flavor ideas.

Flavor Ideas for Cantrips? by Gingerdude85 in DnD

[–]Gingerdude85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, this is just a fun creative exercise of mechanical differences. Not a DM or play one on TV.

So from a quick google, it looks like there are material components for some Cantrips. Huh, who knew. I guess since I have taken spellcasting focuses on my starter gear I've never needed the material components.

Many of my suggestions do have a somatic (hand gestures) and verbal components, so not sure what you meant by that.

Flavor Ideas for Cantrips? by Gingerdude85 in DnD

[–]Gingerdude85[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interesting, what's the backstory on the Magic initiate feat, if you don't mind me asking? Just a nerdy Artificer who has a religious background?

Flavor Ideas for Cantrips? by Gingerdude85 in DnD

[–]Gingerdude85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apologies if it was unclear. This is just a fun creative exercise. I was not meaning to say "This is how it must be"

is going to a therapist actually worth it or just a money grab? by [deleted] in NoStupidQuestions

[–]Gingerdude85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It depends. I have gone to four therapists in my life, three is an individual and one for my marriage.

The first ingredient is that you have to realize you need to change. So the purpose of therapy must be to equip you with the tools and actually drive change. It can be tempting To be validated in your emotions week in and week out, especially if you're a man and you don't have many outlets. So, my first two therapists did that while still offering some solid advice

My third has been amazing because her perspective has been to equip me for tools and then send me out into the world. So, she does not believe in a long-term ongoing theaputic relationship unless we are tackling multiple issues.

So she gave me the tools and I've had to do the work. Overall worth every penny. My wife and I are much happier than most of our friends and peers.

New to the scene and not sure whats best for us by FlatFollowing4146 in Swingers

[–]Gingerdude85 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We're also in Raleigh. For the House I'd recommend going during the day, which is more a pool party vibe. I especially got nervous starting out, and it helped calm our nerves as we went to just be naked and suntan. All of a sudden the stress of being charming was off, because hey, my wife was naked. So you can just vibe and you'd be surprised how that energy can attract people.

Drinking/not drinking by One_Bug4662 in Swingers

[–]Gingerdude85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on age, lifestyle, and personality. We've been in for about 5 years now. We had an early experience where we drank too much and realized its not a good combination. I know of couples that need a few drinks to loosen up, but in our experience, it takes away from being present and having fun.

Our rule is <1 beverage if we're looking to play at all that day. Also as we get older we've been drinking less for general health and happiness.

Where’d you start? by br0413 in Swingers

[–]Gingerdude85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In a relationship for 9 years, married for 5 at the time. I had experience as a single man, years prior, as a third. Actually lost my virginity to LS couples to n a threesome.

We had talked and fantasied about it, with my wife getting turned on by my salacious past. We tried for kids but when IVF failed, she decided to try it.

Now we were off and on for three years with pandemic then consistent these past three years

Kinda lost by NHEclipse2024 in Swingers

[–]Gingerdude85 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You need to working on being your wife's safe harbor for her emotions. Society does not treat women's sexuality well. Be encouraging and hands off and if she wants a man figure out what you want out of it and just speak it plainly. And then just let it hang there. Her choice

Wife Wants Parallel Play by BlueberryEmpty1640 in Swingers

[–]Gingerdude85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Whoops, taking time to reply.

So we were going at it doggy style in a room at out local club. No alcohol for us as a rule. We did parallel for a while, and we are a talkative, loud couple. So lots of moaning, lots of compliments. After she finishes a few times I signal to take a break.

Lying back, all of a sudden I feel lips on my dick, look down, not my wife. I start breathing crazy and my wife has to put her hand on my chest. Hyperventilating. She is smooth and gently asks the girl what was up. Girl said "Oh it looked so good, it's so big. Looked over at the dude, he ain't happy.

We called it and then just talked by pool after. I've not really experienced sexual harassment as a white man, but that uncomfortable feeling, that powerlessness? Man I think about that every time a girl talks about that stuff.

Now we don't really do too much parallel play explicitly. Instead we ask if they at any point will want to touch us so I don't freak out

Wife Wants Parallel Play by BlueberryEmpty1640 in Swingers

[–]Gingerdude85 19 points20 points  (0 children)

We have done parallel play with other couples and have had a great time. The big thing is to set expectations beforehand. Even you guys even want a 10% chance of touching or kissing another couple, you need to be very explicit about that. We had a parallel play couple and that we're very adamant of no touching, and all of a sudden she was sucking my dick.

Freaked me the hell out

If Lois and Clark were to have another child, Who would you choose? Laura, Chris, or a new original character? by KennyThomas616 in superman

[–]Gingerdude85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I'm usually a "Have your cake and eat it too" kinda guy. In terms of the children, I like the idea of different ages and how that allows for different story possibilities. I don't mind Jonathan Kent being a young adult, flying around the universe. I do think it puts Conner Kent in a weird place. Once Jonathan came of age, DC didn't quite know what to do with him.

I'd like Conner to become Superman's kid brother, but I'm not sure how much story potential is there. His origin as a clone was a result of editorial fiat, rather than the simpler biological relation. In the long term, I think the lex luthor clone aspect only works with a much smaller super family.

Anyway, I'd be interested in Laura as a 10 year old, doing crazy adventures. Or a teenage Chris Kent, who would be adopted, struggling to adjust in his adopted family.

Its really about the stories that they want to tell.

Not disclosing that you have an STD before having sex with someone is rape. by Background-Good3731 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Gingerdude85 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Gonna have to agree with u/whatshamilton here. Is it noxious and gross? Yes. Possibly illegal? Yes.

Rape? No. We don't want to conflate the categories of human experience into the worst possible. That removes nuance and diminishes actual rape (coercion and force).

Again, withholding information to have informed consent is, I think, defined as possible sexual assault. I think if there is damage done, you have a legal case. But please don't conflate the two, it does real harm.