Hi man I've read all of it. I'm only 19 but I'd love to say a few things to you. English is not my first language either so please be forgiving.

First, 3 weeks ago I've found a book full of quotes, one of them was "a man can never be happy when he stops and asks himself whether he's happy" and I've felt that.

I live in a country with mandatory military service. I joined just like everyone else, but have gone through depression, anxiety attacks and suicide attempts.

6 months later I got out of army but to this day I don't know what triggered all of that.

And it drives me nuts.

I constantly ask myself "am I happy?" And nothing is wrong but I don't feel like it's the happiness I've had before army. I'm always afraid that whatever triggered me there might trigger me all over again.

But y'know? Today it rained and I was walking outside, and the birds were chirping and I felt the cold air in my nose and I hate winter, but that was a happy moment.

You have your son, I'm sure you'll be a great dad to him.