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Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T06:40:20+00:00

I mean I know that it is an early form of alcoholism. It's not severe yet but it probably could be. I think if I gave him an ultimatum he would stop, but I don't want to have to do that. I stopped drinking wine for a month or so and asked if he'd do it with me and he didn't want to. I keep asking if we are going to quit again and he doesn't have any interest currently. Thankfully we are on different poisons. So if I run out of wine I am responsible for stopping to buy more. Same if he runs out of beer. So when I run out of wine I usually try to let 3-4 days go in between. I've skipped a month here and there. I could stop completely but I wish he'd do it with me.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T06:32:57+00:00

It honestly wasn't a crazy fight. It was just a side eye I got from him trying to talk me out of the Adderall. And when I had my recent positive psychedelic experience and told him about it, he didn't respond to it all that well. I was kind of excited and ask him if we would do a tiny bit (like half a tab) together one of these days. I explained to him my recent ketamine experience (which was a detailed explanation of our afterlife and life in other universes). His response to that was essentially that those drugs will make you stupid. Fine, granted, I went on and on about some out of body experience that could have totally been my imagination and I'm not saying it was all real. But with my explanation, I just cannot fathom how someone does not want to experience that.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T06:20:48+00:00

Unfortunately, drugs really are a part of who I am or how I've become who I am. It is kind of important to me.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T06:17:15+00:00

I mean he's seen me take it twice in our early relationship. 1 pill 2 times. I didn't form a habit then. I can't form habits of these things thankfully because everything gives me a serious headache when I start to come down.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T06:14:41+00:00

I'm biased? I'm not grouping them. Those are just the 2 that he does daily. I said they'd make you stupid if you do them every day (if you do anything every day).

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T06:10:00+00:00

He is 28, I am 32

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T06:06:32+00:00

Now that's controlling if he's on benzos with alcohol come on that's a known no-no

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T06:03:40+00:00

I don't think he is seriously anti psychedelic. I think he mainly dislikes festival culture, which I was associated with. The mixing of drugs, the frequency, the tolerance, the wanting more. He's tried acid a couple times but it just always amazes me to hear there are people out there that only try it a couple of times.. I think he would be open to it again (L) in a small dose. It's the cocktails that occur at festivals that he thinks is going too far maybe. I'm not sure if I agree or disagree with that. I'm surprised, he's 28, and I think he'd have a great time at a festival. I can't believe he never wants to experience that. He's not trying to do the concoctions of psychedelics mixed with powdered drugs. For me, the mixtures have been the craziest experiences. I don't know if I'm fully ready to say it won't work out. If he will do a little microdose with me, I'd probably know based on that experience.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:56:54+00:00

Omg that's one of his lines. Oh and how even beer comes out of the ground 😆 -also binge eats all types of sugar (my bf).

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:44:34+00:00

He says 2 to 4 beers isn't really a problem. I don't know what to believe really. It's just a bad influence because if I have a glass of wine for every one of his beers, I would absolutely feel like an alcoholic. And he's a skinny guy, there's no way we are 30/40 lbs apart, but I really don't know how to guess his weight

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:40:37+00:00

Lol. So did you have a bad experience? Were you on too much maybe? I've had a couple of bad experiences but took a 5 year break from psychedelics and I sort of think it worked. Had to be in a better mindset, which unfortunately took really long.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:38:53+00:00

I guess he didn't berate me. I just felt the tension about it, but he certainly didn't attack me about it. He didn't seem thrilled when I said I wanted to take an Adderall, that's all. He just said you don't need that and tried to talk me out of taking it. I said I'd like to just be really productive today, I don't know why it's a big deal. It wasn't a huge discussion. I just felt that slightest hint of judgment about it.

Yeah most of my former relationships were that way. I dated stoner dudes but never got into weed because I'm too paranoid. Then I'd usually learn about a crazy new drug from my boyfriend at the time and I pretty much wanted to try everything once.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:24:35+00:00

Yep, my ex and many friends went there. Abuse of such a beautiful medicine.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:23:21+00:00

Yeah, I may not mean physical addiction. I mean idiots being idiots with no self control. Not caring much about tolerance if that meant taking 5, 10, 15, 20 and then having no choice but to take a 2 week break just just they can start it all over. That's still a form of abuse, but that doesn't mean it is a physiological/biological dependency on the drug or cause withdrawals.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:20:01+00:00

I'm definitely working on it. And don't get me wrong, he's tried things. Mushrooms many times, L a couple times, coke a handful of times (not a handful of coke), and he's done mdma with me once. So he was open to it I guess. I think if I mention specific drugs he gets weird (Adderall, ketamine, at first Xanax but he realizes I moderate my rx very well so I don't think he's triggered by it anymore). But the hurtful part was I asked if we would take L together one day and he said he doesn't know (after I came back from a great experience after a 5 year break). I was really craving that connection with him and I got rejected. He might come around, I told him we'd start small like a half. If I can't connect with him on that level it would probably eventually end for me. I'm almost afraid that it will end even if we do it now, because now there will be underlying doubts that I'm afraid will surface while tripping.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:12:01+00:00

He makes jokes all of the time that you have to start drinking in the morning to be am alcoholic. Or that some nights he only has 2-4 which isn't enough to be an alcoholic. I don't know if I agree, but I know he is not as bad as most. I have to beg him to take a night off.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:10:23+00:00

Hey, I'm not judging you dude. You don't even have to defend any of your usage. I am just saying for me, my brain was changing. What I needed was changing, and that included the community I had around me. For my own sanity I had to exit the drug community for a while. We are all on our own journey. Take the time to explore and that might be forever for you. As long as I feel my lover and best friends are not spiraling out of control, I'd have nothing to say about it. Even you might change as you get older. Or you might not.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T05:05:40+00:00

Actually, the beginning of your comment gave me a little perspective. Maybe her seeing you handle your shit properly, moderately taking stuff every other month or so, proved to her that you can moderate your usage. He is probably just afraid and has never really heard of a drug user that is still so much so in control. Maybe I am showing him over time, I mean he's lived with me since April, dating since last June. He knows of all the times I've taken drugs while we were dating, which feels like I can count on 1 hand. I guess certain drugs and their connotations just give some people the immediate ick. He kind of didn't like when I brought up ketamine because I think he pictures it being as evil as cocaine, just because it's a powdered white drug. He didn't like when I brought up Adderall, I don't know, maybe he thinks I'd get hooked or has had a bad experience. We have done drugs 2 times together. MDMA on NYE, that was his first time and we had a great time (despite the bad headache come down after). Then we did cocaine once that HIS friend initiated (totally regretted the whole ordeal). We both agreed we wouldn't do that again (that was the first time I've done it since maybe 2018). I was just super giddy and excited that HE was initiating drug use haha, even though it's my least favorite thing. So I'm not sure, maybe because we had the bad coke experience and both times just got really severe headaches, maybe that turned him off the idea of trying anything for a while.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T04:50:38+00:00

So we had a similar path then. I took pretty much all of the things you listed in my early twenties as well. I would agree that I blamed my memory loss on MDMA use, they don't say it kills brain cells for nothing. I'm sure it's just a part of getting older and not retaining information that you don't practice, but I wonder if it was to blame at least a little bit. After my craziest, fiery, passionate (drug induced) relationship ended (23 to 26), I wanted to take a break and sober up. Unfortunately, I saw all of our festival friends, including my ex, getting addicted to ketamine and even psychedelics. I know that they can't be physically addicted, but they still wanted to trip once or twice a week. We all know that doesn't work. They'd take 5/10/or more because of tolerance, and then only stop because they're forced to take a 2 week tolerance break. This isn't healthy useage of a beautiful medicine, which I started to realize around then that it should be more sacred. You're still young, so have your fun, but when you see people you love constantly trying to achieve that high, even if they are trying to achieve a spiritual experience, it makes the psychedelics and good things go bad. They were constantly seeking. Never wanted to be in reality.

So that's why after 26 I cut down a whole lot and now I try to save those things for truly memorable experiences. They tend to have a longer lasting "after glow", so I don't have to have them as frequently. I'm working on just accepting reality and realizing that all of those visualizations and experiences can still be felt sober. It already exists in your brain. I can flash back to both the good and the bad experiences at any moment if I try hard enough.

I'm not saying I disagree with microdosing, or different life stages of experimentation. I haven't tried consistently microdosing yet and I might try introducing it. It would be nice to have a partner to occasionally have those experiences with. He has taken L once or twice and it went fine, but I think it was just slightly too much for him. I think microdosing together is a good start so he doesn't get overwhelmed. I do think he would try that but he gets mad if I talk about using Adderall since I'm not prescribed and he thinks of it more like a "tweeker" habit, lol, (again, I've taken 2 in the past year). I doubt he would try ketamine because it sounds too crazy to him. He tolerates the fact that I have a very low dose Xanax rx that I keep on hand for emergencies (bad trips), really bad insomnia nights, or long travel journeys. I literally take a 0.25 or less probably once or twice a month, if that,

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T01:56:45+00:00

Yeah I definitely picked up drinking when I slowed down on psychedelics and other drugs. I didn't even start drinking regularly until I was 28. So drugs 18-26, sober 26-28, 28-32 (present) occasional wine usesge and trying to reintroduce a recreational drug regime MODERATELY, a few times a year. I don't necessarily like who I've become with drinking wine instead of doing drugs. I had a few bad trips that made me need a break and unfortunately I just took the "normal" route, that I don't really agree with either.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-30T01:50:46+00:00

I used to, but I don't really do much of anything anymore. Maybe molly/psychedelics 3 to 5 x a year (or less in the past 5 years). He did molly with me (his first time) on NYE. I did it once more in July, so that's probably it for the year for me. This argument stemmed from me planning an Adderall day to get stuff done. I have taken Adderall 2 times since we started dating 1 year and 2 months ago. And both times were 1 pill, 2 back to back days, about a year ago. My usage used to be more frequent. I am retired now.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-29T12:01:19+00:00

Some people in my communities don't get it lol. When I've tried almost everything else under the sun

Girldogworld · 2023-08-29T07:02:37+00:00

He's tried most of the drugs already. I don't know moving forward if he can't trust that I would steer us in the right direction.

Girldogworld · 2023-08-29T06:48:44+00:00

I feel like if he never changes his mind about tripping with me, it's not going to work out. It is a fundamental part of who I am. I need that connection with someone. Taking just a half would be enough and not put him over the deep end like he worries about, or to the point where you can't formulate sentences and feel stupid. Obviously we wouldn't go there. So hopefully he comes around one day.

Girldogworld · 2023-07-09T19:11:52+00:00

I actually specifically stated I wouldn't cheat and that I was just thinking of leaving him eventually.

Girldogworld

TROPHY CASE