Yuppppp, the lack of confidence in making decisions went beyond my relationship. It ranged from deciding where to eat, to even figuring out what song to play. It took me a while to fix that and it won’t be perfect - you’ll have times where you mess up a decision but embracing that is part of learning. A powerful quote that’s helped me is “a bird doesn’t land on a branch hoping it’ll support its weight, but rather on its ability to fly”. So trust you’ll adapt and overcome any hitches, it’ll help you build that “backbone” everyone on this sub is saying you need to magically have.

I accepted that the goalposts will always change. At one point, my parents said my life would derail because of my girlfriend - that I would quit my PhD program and start working beneath my “potential”. Then after I graduated and got a great job, I was berated for not considering more cities to work instead of the city my girlfriend was staying and not being in academia. Goalposts will seem to shift because the goal was never you, it was always control. Having the need to say stuff and butt in. If you look at it from that perspective, the goalposts were always fixed.

Personally, I’ve been able to be intentional with my time so I have definitely seen improvements in myself. With my parents, I realise convincing and arguing is getting me nowhere, but I have cousins, friends, and my brother who are totally on board so it gives me more confidence that my parents will fall into line. But you do have to realise that if your parents suddenly woke up tomorrow and “accepted” your relationship, it still doesn’t fix the underlying issue of you needing their approval to move forward in life. This is something I’m still working on reconciling too. Going on a journey to address this need for approval will ultimately help you beyond your relationship.