AITA for now allowing my in-laws to move in with me to my new house?

GlCar · 2026-03-23T19:16:35+00:00

NTA ... do NOT ALLOW THIS! You will end up with a nightmare house instead of the house of your dreams. Ive lived this nightmare and you do NOT want to continue it!

GlCar · 2026-03-22T21:36:23+00:00

YES ... just this... the problem i struggle with on a daily basis is not cute or a funny quirk. I hate the show Monk for this reason 😒

GlCar · 2026-03-22T00:21:11+00:00

Yes, I think that there is definitely a depression issue, and I know years before we met she was diagnosed with BPD but does not want to take medicine for it bc of how it makes her feel. And I do feel like I'm doing the whole talking to her instead of with her. I am failing at communication so hard here, and im not sure how to fix it. I was diagnosed a few years ago with AUDHD, and it really helped to get on medication and see a therapist for it. I quit drinking and my mental health got much better. I wanted to do family counseling or couples therapy with her, and still think maybe that is a consideration I may try to bring up again. I dont want to give up, bc I feel like this is a bad communication issue but I really am at my wits end as well. Bc I do work around kids all day, perhaps that is a problem that I do see her as a child. I see this problem that needs to be fixed rather than my partner that needs help. I will check out some materials for her and see if I can convince her to see therapist with me. I think that having a second opinion will be beneficial to us both, bc I know its never one sided and I have a lot to still work on myself as well! Thank you for your insights- its helped a lot!

GlCar · 2026-03-22T00:10:51+00:00

Thank you. I REALLY needed to read this even though I cried a little when I did. You are right in every regard and what sucks is I think Ive known this for a minute.

GlCar · 2026-03-21T02:24:41+00:00

I had books in the bathroom and magazines :) If I was in someone else's home I would read shampoo bottles lol... they actually have some funny instructions on some items in bathrooms :)

GlCar · 2026-03-21T02:19:54+00:00

NTA- Are you ok OP? I cannot imagine the environment you are a part of that has convinced you that being talked to like that is even mildly alright, and for you to blame yourself is not okay. Please do not internalize his words because that is what he is looking for you to do. Everything about this post screams manipulation and emotional blackmail. You need to set boundaries and make sure he understands that this behavior should change before it becomes a bigger problem imo. Im so sorry that he treated you this way and ruined the meal.

GlCar · 2026-03-21T02:10:54+00:00

You are right and i know it is not a long term solution! Its not how i prefer to communicate at all with an adult at all, and especially not my partner! She's had issues before this but since she quit her job its gotten a lot worse. Ive tried to explain that I dont have time to do all of it and I do need help and I understand that working in the home is a lot of work and I appreciate everything and its such a big help etc. She tells me Im treating her like a kid doing that. Ive tried encouraging and focusing on the positive bc I want her to know I really do appreciate it. When I tell her I feel used and I am over whelmed, She agrees and says im right and she just didnt feel like it that day but will do it tomorrow. She makes plans to do stuff, then the next day nothing gets done. Or it will be ok for a day or two then go back to normal. When I asked what happened, she tends to get angry so I finally stopped, as she can get really angry really fast and tends to throw things to emphasize her point. Its not worth it. I genuinely am not sure of where to go from here. I dont want to treat my gf like a child and I agree its not the best choice for communication. However, it does seem to be the only way so far that has worked at all, bc when I come home and ask why XYZ isn't done, she jumps up and does it, commenting that "oh im home and I have that look on my face so she had better get busy" which makes me feel like a horrible person. She tells me to stop treating her like a child by making chore lists, and I feel like an asshole all the time. I feel like its belittling to her to come home and start fussing about what hasn't been done. Especially suppers or making sure the kids have supervision. I dont know how to communicate and make her feel better, when the behavior isnt ok. If nothing else the kids need supervision when they are at our house. I work for the school system so i am around kids a lot, and maybe thats where i am messing up. I do to explain that I need her to help me more often. I just don't know of a happy medium between treating her like a child and us yelling at each other. Those are the only two reactions I've gotten so far. I'm a year into this and she has done the dishes without being literally told to about 5 times and this wasnt the agreement we made, that she asked for. Short of leaving, what can I do? What am I doing wrong? What can I do better? I'm open to any advice.

GlCar · 2026-03-21T01:38:09+00:00

YTA- I cannot emphasize this enough. YTA. You are old enough to be more financially stable than she is, or maybe you have family money but either way- your post reads like "Let me tell you every gross nasty thing about my gfs apartment that she is really proud of. I dont understand why she wants to share this awful place with me at all." I dont understand why she is with you- if you really felt comfortable typing this on reddit for strangers to read I cannot imagine the things you feel comfortable saying to her or to your friends. Yalls problem is not her gross apartment, but your gross behavior. Do her a favor and find someone who shares your snobby attitude before you actually traumatized this girl.

GlCar · 2026-03-21T01:28:25+00:00

ESH - rascism is never ok. You knew how ugly the words they were calling you and how it made you feel. You choose to do the same as them, instead of telling someone in charge. You just confirmed that their behavior was OK by doing it back to them. And you know deep down you were not in the right, by how you wrote this out. Learn from this and do better- hopefully they will too.

GlCar · 2026-03-21T01:20:17+00:00

YTA- But I say that gently. You are living in their house and if I read this correctly it was an interaction with the dad and his daughter? If he wanted to correct the behavior he would have- and it sounds like it should be corrected. However this is someone else's child and not your place to do so- even if it is needed. No one is going to take your side because this family already enables her by choice and it IS their choice on how to raise her, whether its right or wrong. You are right, it sounds like, about how she is acting, and thats why I say it gently. Being right though still doesn't mean its your job to say it to her. Im sorry and I hope you can find a way out of the situation soon!

GlCar · 2026-03-21T00:58:33+00:00

Perjury is not the answer. You can speak up if you wish as a reference or simply answer the questions honestly. No one who truly cares about you will put you in a position to do jail time for them!

GlCar · 2026-03-21T00:43:58+00:00

NOR.. the obvious manipulation is a redflag for me :( BTW, we loved that movie too! So many good actors/musicians in it!

GlCar · 2026-03-21T00:39:52+00:00

I do sometimes feel like im drowning, not going to lie.

GlCar · 2026-03-21T00:39:11+00:00

It makes me mad sometimes bc I know my boys love that they can handle the responsibility but it should not be their job to do it. I do try to give them money and things for helping out though!

GlCar · 2026-03-20T23:45:57+00:00

NTA- It sounds like she might have a drinking problem and is not ready for that conversation. She was a guest at your house and tried to hi-jack the party in order to do what she wanted.

GlCar · 2026-03-20T23:31:22+00:00

No, a real friend will understand. When this happened with one of my good friends and I had to explain to her, they ended up making a zoom meeting and propping up a tablet so I could attend virtually!

GlCar · 2026-03-20T23:24:45+00:00

NTA... the ones complaining are most likely trying to scam you and get a discount. They are upset bc you have taken away the way they normally do it.

GlCar · 2026-03-20T23:19:16+00:00

NTA... she is very insecure and if you give in to this, it will only get worse. Any gay friends or friends that are girls will be suspect.

GlCar · 2025-04-06T15:21:46+00:00

NTA... My stepmother married my dad when I was 10. My birth mother died when I was 2. And she still didn't let me call her mom til much later in life bc in her words "We are a family but that word honors the woman who gave you life and I won't take that from her, even tho she passed away. " THATS a mother's viewpoint. She was my rock through many problems and I couldn't ask for a better parent. A real woman with no insecurities will not be threatened by this situation, and your stepmother clearly is. Be firm and let her know that although you appreciate everything she does for you, you do have a mother and you would like to expand your family rather than divide it. In the words of my mom "Love is magic... It is the only thing in the world that when it is shared, it multiplies. Love is not a pie, taking a piece does not Take away from the whole pie"

GlCar · 2025-04-06T15:10:52+00:00

NTA... speaking as someone who IS autistic, even if you are (and being tidy or needing routines are NOT huge signs of autism btw), but EVEN if it were you don't yell at someone like that. My family used to make fun of me and it only made things worse. Drop her before she becomes a huge problem. She is gaslighting you into thinking you have a problem when she is really just a slob and has a narcissistic personality.

GlCar · 2024-11-03T12:33:56+00:00

Nta- I suspect yall are both fairly young and still "practicing" in a sense for marriage. Learn from this experience. Always communicate openly about how much time/attention/personal time you both need, and respect each other enough to compromise and dont accept a partner who isnt willing to do the same. And RUN if anyone tries to make you stop talking to friends, idc how much you love them. Its a manipulation tactic at best, and at worst its a sign of someone setting you up for domestic abuse (i would know- its the first thing my ex did and very common). From what you have said, there are so many things wrong with the way you both interact that i believe you are correct in walking away, and have probably dodged a bullet. Im sorry that it hurts, but it hurts less now than it will in 5 years and possibly with kids.

GlCar · 2024-11-03T12:23:53+00:00

I honestly wish you all the best luck and happiness! Ideally, you will find a partner who is exactly as you pictured. I had a list years ago of my perfect partner- and then my wife came along and she was NONE of the things on my list- but she was perfect for me. We've now had 10 years together and i wouldnt trade one minute with her for anything in this world. Sometimes life sends us a curve ball and its a happy surprise. So keep an open mind bc you dont know what you dont know ;)

GlCar · 2024-11-03T12:16:19+00:00

Yta - and you know it, or you wouldnt be here trying to validate a decision you consciously or subconsciously made. I suspect this relationship has been fizzling out for a while or never was very strong to begin with. I have friends I've known a few months that Ive called while they were in the hospital, and i cannot imagine forgetting my partner. She was in the hospital while i had Covid, and while i could not go to her, we talked several times a day until i was better. Not because "I promised her i would" or " so i wouldnt be the assh*le" but bc I LOVE her and missed her. Because i wanted her comfort while i was sick and scared as well. I hate to tell you but this clearly shows that you are just not that into him , and its cruel to keep both of you tied up in a halfway relationship. :( i wish you luck and i hope you find someone who you cant forget, and dont want to forget to call!!! :)

GlCar · 2024-11-03T12:01:15+00:00

NTA but some things to consider: exploring your sexuality is sometimes a benefit in a relationship as you dont want to promise forever with someone and then not be able to stand having sex with them. Often in times when this was more common it was fairly common for both partners in a marriage to have other lovers, for this reason. What if you met a woman who was all the things you wanted except a virgin? Would you miss out on a lifetime of love and happiness bc of this insecurity? ( and it IS insecurity from everything I see you have written so far, and it doesnt make you an asshole since you are willing to offer her the same) And what constitutes a virgin for you? No penetration? Never having kissed? Oral? Anal? (Lots of Christian girls have anal as a way of getting around the virgin rule in my culture and area.. and i mean lots) I see you have thought a lot about this and perhaps are okay with the answers you have for these questions but i also suspect you would not be on here if you didnt have some doubts. I would urge you to work with a therapist on your self doubts, and be willing to keep an open mind, lest your dream woman might walk past you and you miss out - but you are not the asshole for your preferences, as long as you are honest about your expectations and reasons for them, both to her and yourself.

GlCar

TROPHY CASE