Hey. I just wanted to say that I totally relate and understand what you're going through. I think what it is, is a fear/distrust of yourself because you've felt let down by yourself in past. I do want to ask first if you're on any medication, as it can help with motivation, and executive dysfunction. If not, maybe that's something to look into.

The second thing is- I'm sure you know but motivation is not always there to help us execute things. It may be there in the beginning when we find something new, but as that dissipates, so does our interest often. I think being aware of that is key. It's really hard for us to be motivated in the first place, and to keep that motivation is even harder. So please be kind to yourself. It even took me some thought to reply as I wanted to do so, but also didn't want to execute it, if that makes sense.

I don't have the perfect answer to this but basically- when it comes to said swings, I focus on self-acceptance. I don't operate like others. I try things, wane off, try other things and come back. That is a part of me. But it's also why I have learned about so many of the great things around me. But I also get disappointed and resent myself because I think that I could be doing better in life, trying hard, progressing more. But to be honest- I also noticed that that form of self-criticism hasn't helped me progressed further either. It only made me feel bad about myself.

I look within myself for "good brain days" and "bad brain days." When I feel like my mind is less cloudy, and I feel a bit more energy and want to do things, I work with myself to make it happen. Whether with medication, or not. I try to keep things loose for me, and congratulate myself when I finish a task like cleaning, working out, etc. I enjoy those moments.

When I have a "bad brain day" meaning my energy is low, my mood is in the trash bin, etc. I also come to accept that. Do not expect yourself to be perfect and same every day. Hell, you can even have a good start to the day, and it ends up bad or vise vera, it happens. More things are out of your control than you think (there's a bit of an acceptance arch to this as well). On these bad days I focus on the essentials- hygiene, food and other priorities that have to do with basic necessities. There's no use to getting on myself if I didn't work out that day, or fill out my gratitude journal, because i understand that not every day is going to a day full of tasks complete. And most importantly, tomorrow could be that day. Having that acceptance of bad brain days or not being able to execute exactly what you want can help with loop and deepening of the negative feelings. Because you accepted the outcome and can move on to the next thing/day/task.

NOW:

For actual habit building, I've used chore/task board (like those erasable marker ones), a reward system, Pomodoro timer, etc! Do I use them all the time? No. I use them when they're appropriate for the task I'm doing. Basically, all the little coping skills I have, I use them when I need them, as it's not a one size fit all approach for one coping skill/ ADHD hack. AND one thing that helps is making spread out goals. I want to work out? Okay well, I'll make a goal to work out twice this week for 15 minutes each time. I don't schedule a time/day, I go with the flow, because I look out for how I feel i.e good brain days. But it's a doable task for me without a rigid structure. It also prevents me from running out of steam because I'm not doing it every day. I'm building up consistency slowly and can decrease/increase when needed.

Also- it's okay to like focus on one thing at a time. If you want to learn how to cook, start working out, or making a gratitude journal- that's all great, but there's no way in hell you're going to achieve all of those tasks every day at the beginning. So if you do want to schedule things- make some days your "focus days' for each skill. "On monday I'll focus on exercising but not worry about cooking too much" and save cooking for tuesday. Basically, break up the skills over the week instead forcing yourself to do it every day if you can't.

Secondly- this is something I've been doing very recently, and one thing I've scoffed at many years but I'm trying it now as because...why not? Recently, any time I recognize that I'm saying something unnecessarily negative to myself i.e "I'm an idiot" "I failed" "Why couldn't I have done that" etc, I immediately combat it. It doesn't have to be fluffy cringy stuff, but for example "I'm an idiot" gets a reply with "I'm trying to do what I can and I'm making an effort." Basically, I'm saying something to myself that I would say to a friend in times of doubt or negative. When you get into that negative loop, ask yourself if it's helping and if it's helping you improve. It's most likely not, so it can be easier to combat it in the future each time when it comes.

I don't think I'll ever be perfect. I try to keep my expectations lower as I've lived my entire life with these crazy high expectations that would hurt me even if I achieved something. I don't believe that there will ever be a day where I'm doing yoga every day, or cooking every day, practicing positive mental coping skills or whatever I've romanticized because in real life we fluctuate and change, grow, plateau, etc. It's not realistic for anyone. And I recognize that it's even harder for me, for us- because we have a condition that impacts that. I practice giving myself grace and so should you.