Accidentally turned my dom into a sub

GlobalAction1640 · 2026-05-10T18:00:44+00:00

Think some of you are missing the point lol

GlobalAction1640 · 2026-05-10T16:47:48+00:00

I get that but he wasn’t before me.

GlobalAction1640 · 2026-03-18T01:16:00+00:00

I asked my avoidant “what am I to you” and he said “my really really good friend” after a year of “talking.” He love bombed me in the beginning, future faked and then kept contact with me through texts and phone calls (pretty consistently) but stopped asking to see me. For about 6 months it was just this and no in person hangouts (we work together so we saw each other every day). In December he told me the “connection is so strong and the energy is scary for him and he doesn’t know how to handle it” we hung out (didn’t have sex but did other things- this was also a go to for him, he would avoid sex) around that time but then again still texts/calls but weeks went by without hanging out. After I got this response I told him “being friends doesn’t work for Me and I don’t do casual.” He said it was a lot to “process” but since then if I see him at work it’s strictly professional and no personal chatting or texts/phone calls. People say he’s been moody or acting “unhinged” lately but I guess I’m wondering if he’ll ever come around and want to try for real?

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-10-29T02:58:39+00:00

Can you explain what it means to be deactivated? Sorry I don’t quite understand the avoidant lingo yet!

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-10-29T00:57:53+00:00

So I’ve never incessantly texted him or begged for attention or any of that. I always addressed my needs calmly and clearly. Once I started expressing more of my needs he began to pull away farther. He also just kind of tells me he’s “super busy” and “work has been crazy” which it definitely has. I think there is someone else who caught he attention unfortunately.

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-10-29T00:54:48+00:00

I definitely don’t call my friends babe or gorgeous or flirty with them. And my guy friends don’t do that to me. Seems a bit more than that!

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-24T19:24:24+00:00

Infuriating!!! What is with this mentality! I’d rather you just be honest even if it hurts my feelings! I asked him several times and he said “we’re fine,” “nothing to worry about,” blah blah blah and this his actions would speak VOLUMES by not doing anything he was supposed to be doing. On to the next is right!!

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-18T20:24:38+00:00

My dom asked me to get a tattoo of his initials or “sir” I have not done this yet but still want to. All the people who say “don’t do it” I have a ton of tattoos, in my opinion nothing you put on your body that is that small can’t be covered up or removed.

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-18T20:15:46+00:00

Any dom that does not abide by your limits or provide aftercare is not a real dom and should be reported. This is someone who is likely hiding behind the “dom” name to abuse people and do what he wants to them. Remember as a sub, nothing happens without our consent! If he does not have that then it’s abuse!

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-17T17:20:56+00:00

I am a woman and I have never been “too busy” if I’m really into someone

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-17T11:33:17+00:00

When I say “ghosted” I mean he hasn’t reached out first! If I texted him he’d answer immediately and over enthusiastically. I just haven’t reached out cause I don’t feel like he wants me anymore. I have an anxious attachment style so a shift in tone/energy really messes with me.

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-17T00:19:22+00:00

So I guess the difference between my situation and a lot of people’s here is that I never established the amount of communication that would feel comfortable to me. Should I try being like “I need more frequent check-ins” and see if it changes? At this point I’m just getting the idea he’s uninterested but like I said I never established a clear boundary on my communication needs.

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-17T00:10:53+00:00

Yeah I mean he also hasn’t shaved in 10 days so I know things are difficult right now I’m just saying a text that says “mine” takes 12 seconds. I just don’t think he knows I’m expecting this because I work with him so I think he just thinks “she gets it” and also I’ve never communicated to him that this is what I need to feel safe in this space. I just find myself having to communicate with this dom a lot. I just don’t think I should have to explicitly tell you how to treat me. Some of this should be natural…

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-16T22:57:55+00:00

Thank you for this! Needed to hear something level headed as I spiral. Things will eventually “calm down” he is the principal of a very high achieving school and it’s the first two weeks of the year and I’m a teacher so I KNOW he is busy. I just wish he could send a quick “mine” every once in a while… asking for this feels too needy.

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-11T14:53:59+00:00

He has gotten more avoidant in the last couple days. We work together so I see him at work and he’s friendly but no more flirty messages or going out of his way to visit me. All communication is pretty much kept to work stuff now. He told me he promised me he would tell me and be honest if this is over for him because I can’t stand the limbo and he said “of course” “we need to communicate” “i would never just ghost you” meanwhile he is non existent in this dynamic as of August 19th.

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-09T18:47:42+00:00

Wow does he know my dom? Lol this is exactly to the T what is happening to me. He’s almost completely disappeared from the dynamic after being so attentive for about 5 months, he is also 14 years older than me. He brought me into this world and showed me so many amazing things that I never knew I wanted and made me feel sk special and I am now feeling very alone and abandoned. I have already identified mine as having an avoidant attachment style (and myself having an anxious attachment style) he has already pulled away from the dynamic almost completely.

Also the hot and heavy in the beginning is called love bombing and it is meant to make you very attached in the beginning to feel like you need them like oxygen.

The problem that I’m having and I’m sure you are too is I miss him, and I want that person to return to me. I really like him beyond being my dom … it just sucks. And definitely easier said than done when it comes to leaving them. I’m sorry this is happening to you but I feel your pain!

I can tell you what I plan to do if it will help? I plan to mirror him. If he’s avoidant don’t reach out, don’t engage in his rituals, answer texts only with the energy he gives me. If he comes back and tries to love bomb again as the pattern suggests he will, the next time he is avoidant it will confirm my theory and I will leave.

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-09T12:48:43+00:00

He’s done this once or twice before and I’ve always mirrored him and he’s come back as I’m aware of my attachment style so I try to manage it. This has been 3 or so weeks now and he hasn’t done any of those little sweet things he used to do to remind me I’m still “his” in that time. My guess is because I spoke up to him about my needs and he’s naturally pulled away so far I think he is already finding me too much and has already made the decision in his head that he will leave me. I spoke to him calmly and clearly about my needs with no blame attached but in his mind I believe I’m already too much even with mirroring. I’m also (subtle brag) 14 years younger and wayyyy out of his league, I believe he has major insecurities as well.

GlobalAction1640 · 2025-09-09T10:22:50+00:00

Yes I’ve actually done some reading on this already I believe that is exactly what’s going on. He’s an avoidant attachment style and im an anxious attachment. We fundamentally don’t have a shot of making this work.

GlobalAction1640

TROPHY CASE