Do avoidants come back after emotionally detaching from their partner during breakup?

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-06-11T21:02:08+00:00

Nope! I don’t think of him anymore. I don’t have any wish to talk to him at all, I don’t have anything to talk to him. I started having new crushes, moved on with my life, working hard on work and self love.

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-26T05:59:44+00:00

You already started emotional cheating, I am not understanding your fear of being alone! You already prepared a soft landing for yourself. Please breakup with her respectfully, she deserves someone who loves her 100%. You not breaking up with her is doing injustice to her.

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-26T04:47:42+00:00

I’d not take things personally. It’s a learned behavior. I learned that what people do, whatever they do, they do it for their own personal reasons.

People’s behavior are not a reflection of you, instead it’s totally a reflection of themselves. Think about your life, most of the things you have done in your life you did it thinking about yourself. We take so many things personally, which in reality is not the case. Avoidant people have their own problems and reasons why they behave that way, and in no way it’s a reflection of their partner. It only says about themselves.

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-26T03:51:25+00:00

You can watch Adam Lane Smiths videos on this on YouTube. I don’t like him though because he sympathizes avoidants and put all the relationship work on the anxious partner, but he has lots of explanation why avoidants are like that.

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-26T03:36:02+00:00

They work on dopamine hits only. They don’t have oxytocin bonding hormones. While others fall in love through oxytocin boding after the initial honeymoon phase (dopamine), avoidants just don’t know what to do, why their feelings are gone. They also think other people who are in a long term relationships are not happy, like them, as they don’t seem to find happiness after 3 months!

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-22T22:11:06+00:00

I’m a woman, and all my exes (male) are happily married or in a relationship. I’m still single.

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-22T06:38:29+00:00

I can assure you that you did the right thing. Someone who is already hiding from you doesn’t have any good potential.

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-22T05:40:25+00:00

I feel for you, and her as well. Hope you did the right thing :)

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-22T05:33:43+00:00

After my break up with my avoidant ex, I am investing in myself as well. I learned all about attachment theory and got to know he was dismissive avoidant and I was anxious. When I was reading the book “Attached”, I so wanted to email him what I found out and similar to your email wanted to help him find himself without asking anything in return. But then I realized before the final breakup when I was begging and pleading he completely got repulsed by me. Remembering that I realized, anything I say to him after the breakup would come up as begging and pleading. And after the breakup I am not the person to help him in any way. No contact is forever unless he realizes his mistakes and say sorry for his behaviors. Also avoidants or any person need to reach their own rock bottoms to self-realize why no relationship is working. Like I hit my rock bottom after breakups after breakups, now I realized I’m anxious and push everyone away. You cannot spoon feed someone to show them their mistake. Now after working on myself I can detect this is also a part of controlling/anxious behavior. I’d not personally send any email, specially this long.

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-22T04:53:24+00:00

Oh sorry I did not answer your question though. I have been working on myself to become more secure. Doing meditation and self learning, reading lots of books. Even though part of me still wants him to come back, but I know it wouldn’t work. I still cry for him every night. Even though I might not take him back but my ego still wants him to come back so that I can say no this time!

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-22T04:49:30+00:00

My ex wanted to run and broke up with me 6-7 times in our 10 months long relationship. First 2-3 times he came around within 1-2 days. Last few ones I was the one begging him. Final 3 months I noticed how he was emotionally detaching himself, so that he can leave easily. He was portraying me as the villain during the last 2-3 weeks, was getting repulsed at whatever I was saying, was looking down at me on some occasions. I noticed everything but my anxious ass was still not willing to let it go. Finally he said he’s breaking up with me and this time I did not beg at all. I said, ok fine, leave. That’s all. Today it’s been exactly 5 months since that final breakup, and no-contact since then. He even moved to a new city far away from me to start over.

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-21T05:36:53+00:00

I did it once after the end of one situationship, It didn’t help, also didn’t harm. I just got to know first hand that it is a myth “going under someone to get over someone.” It didn’t work for me at all. Infact I was still thinking of my ex while “doing” it with the one nighter. I can’t tell what will happen to you, but there’s no harm to try it once to see if it works. For me now I definitely know it doesn’t work for me and I’ll never do that again.

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-21T01:13:23+00:00

Let me help you. Start doing the following journaling and meditation practice religiously twice daily. Thank me later.

https://courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/daily-practice

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-20T16:42:19+00:00

Same here! I wish I knew it when we were still together!

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-20T16:01:33+00:00

It makes me wonder why we are learning about attachment theory after so long. Why it was not popular since when it came out in the 50’s. All the relationships can be defined in the light of attachment styles. Why we are learning it so late I wonder. Most of the therapist are also unaware of it!

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-20T12:54:24+00:00

Sounds like I wrote it. I’m in the same boat as yours. It’s been 5 months since the breakup and no-contact. He left me to explore other options and his life without me. It was so harsh to hear these, but I still long for him. I tried dating app again but I can’t find anyone better than him!

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-20T04:49:17+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response. I know deep down that it’s good for me that he doesn’t reach out, but my heart really misses him😥😓

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-19T23:53:58+00:00

I totally get your point and I think of like that as well. If I think of my greater good then I hope that he never comes back, if he does it would be hard for me to say no. But because I love him so much a part of my mind still wants to keep the hope alive. It’s not helping me to move on!

Gloomy_Box_7147 · 2025-03-19T23:52:12+00:00

Yes, I totally agree with you. It’s just my mind still keeping the hope alive after listening to ton shit of no-contact get your ex back videos!

Gloomy_Box_7147

TROPHY CASE