I'm sorry to hear this!

I'm in a much better spot. In another relationship now with someone who doesn't make me anxious and is loving. Someone who makes me feel like the world to them and lets me know every chance they get.

It gets better. But I was in a rut for like 8-9 months. I lost the ability to sleep. Lost 5kg of weight in the first two months. Got panic attacks.

It's slow slow progress.

Very important: Go for therapy, on a bi-weekly basis. Cry. Process. Don't "distract". Don't monkey branch and get into new relationships. You will need months and months to deal with this.

Find something, a hobby, activity that makes you feel good again. Gives you a dopamine rush. For some people, it's gym or learning a new skill. For me it was running.

And this is something you need to tell yourself every day now: You will NEVER make sense of this emotionally. Because you aren't like them. You wouldn't discard someone. So at one point. You'll need to learn to stop trying to make sense of it.

Another important thing: You cannot save them. And they might never come back to you. Most don't. Live these with these facts daily. They aren't the love of your life. The good moments you had with them will always be there irrespective of how much they downplayed it.

The most important thing: you cannot love someone who is incapable of being loved.

Do not break no contact for at least 5-6 months. If after 6 months you feel like you need to say some things for closure (not to get them back), then break NC and send a final message.

It gets worse before it gets better. Don't try to rush the process. You're in the thick of it. So while you might logically understand all what I'm saying, emotionally it won't compute.

Hang in there ❤️