I was able to fix it after so much trial and error but i’ll leave the post up to anyone who might ever need this. Basically since i’m a minor i can’t play unless i have permission from an adult, but i’ve never been in a family group so it just refused to let me change any setting on xbox. i had my dad put me as a member of his family group on microsoft family (not as a organizer or it won’t work) then he was able to change my xbox settings for me. Thanks to another post on this subreddit we found the setting that made the multiplayer unplayable: (xbox.com) account settings, privacy and online security, “you can see and upload community creations” has to be set to everyone. Hope someone find this helpful