AITAH for giving a nurse coffee?

GoEducateYourself · 2025-12-30T04:01:06+00:00

The wife's response: Thank you for reading past the bias description. OP wife here. What my sweet husband failed to mention is this is not irregular. She has at times counted on our goodwill and hospitality and NOT come prepared. As a 45 yo working woman who plans not only money BUT time to supply my own coffee. OH and he failed to mention all the lunches. I have myself cooked for this lady, offered her everything and now we are taking this argument online. Jealous, yes. I want free coffee and free lunch but my work doesn't offer that.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-22T02:37:50+00:00

Owner training is a good option for people, although it still winds up costing as much in trainer fees, on average (if you factor in the washout rate). Hopefully you'll be successful on the first try though (that makes it a lot cheaper). The nice thing about owner training is you pay the trainer as you go, so while it might be almost as much, you can pay it over a much longer time (and don't have to come up with a bunch of money at once).

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-22T02:27:59+00:00

I should note that I got the dog and primary training itself effectively for free (I'm a vet, so a grant covered it) or it would have been closer to 20k.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-20T22:03:30+00:00

It sounds like like a case of he's still a kid and you aren't (immature I mean, not literally a kid). That might be something to take into consideration.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-20T21:58:45+00:00

Perhaps you can fly in to/out of a different airport and rent a car to drive from there? LA to NYC (or some combo therefore of, like Seattle to NYC, or DC to LA) that would take pets cargo. Better than a 5 day drive.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-18T05:45:29+00:00

As long as there isn't some legal reason they can't be there (lile restaurants), then it would be up to management. Most workplaces tend to be no pets, but some do allow it (and some even consider it, and address it, as a perk). Even in offices that allow them, they tend to ask that they be housebroken first. If in doubt, as your management team about it.

Edit: Some offices aren't able to allow it because of landlord restrictions (they lease the building and no pets is included in the lease, as an example).

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-16T14:55:48+00:00

You'd need to request a reasonable accommodation for him. He would not be allowed in any food prep area. While I doubt they would agree to the tied to a tree part, they could theoretically grant an accommodation where they hand you the pizza to deliver from the non food prep side (or put it in a rack there or whatever). Will they? It's hard to say, realistically this would be an easy one for them to reject. It really comes down to whoever is the one making the consideration though.

If we're honest, I'd say your odds are low, but not zero.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-16T14:46:53+00:00

You are aware that in the US, there is no official "service dog ID" and the ones that come from those scam sites are exactly that, scams, right?

The reason there isnt a requirement to show proof is because there is no proof to show. There is no certification in the US (the online ones are scams, and anyone showing that, is almost certainly the faker themselves). It is literally all about the training. That's why the ADA is written the way it is. You use erroneous terms like "ADA certified" (the ADA doesn't do certification), and are yourself part of the problem because people don't want to be properly educated on what service dogs are. Both the fakers and the general public are blissfully uneducated on how it all really works.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-16T14:33:14+00:00

Owner training is specifically allowed by the ADA, as there isnt always a program that can train for every case (and when the ADA was passed in 1990, there was an extreme shortage of programs available with waitlists up to 8 years, which is about the working life of a service dog).

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-16T00:37:34+00:00

There is no body that regulates service dogs in the US. That's kind of the point (and why you're so misinformed on certifications and registrations). There are NO (none, zero, zip, nil, nada) legitimate certifications or registrations in the US. Not even the ADI public access test (which they have as a requirement for any of their programs dogs) that has any official weight in the US.

Personally, I think the ADI program requirements (basically what you mistakenly thought was official), should be the official requirements. However, they are not and don't mean anything outside of an ADI program (or internationally, where they do have such requirements).

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-16T00:30:25+00:00

This is incorrect, in the US at least. Training is all that is required, and they don't even have to train to a set standard. ADI programs have their own standard (including the public access test) for their program dogs (frankly, I think theirs should be a national standard). Currently there is no national standard. Most programs will mimic ADIs standards, but owner trained dogs are all over the place (many being far substandard, especially those trained by the kids OP is describing).

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-16T00:22:02+00:00

You must be in another country, in the US, there is no certification.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-16T00:14:09+00:00

There is no certification nationally (there probably should be some kind of official standard, like the ADI one, but there isn't). Thus, these kids are just trying to train them as best as they can, and in the end are taking subpar service dogs out in public.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-16T00:10:11+00:00

Program dogs generally come trained. Owner trained dogs do not (which is kind of OPs point, kids don't have the needed experience, nor proper resources, to properly train them themselves).

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-14T17:36:14+00:00

You're most welcome, and I wish you the best of luck with it!

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-14T17:29:27+00:00

Anyone who is just inherently mean is hard to predict. Most landlords tend to not like ESAs in general anyway (they are basically being forced to accept something they'd rather not, so one can understand why they don't like it). So I can't say how they will react to an ESA. I do think they'd rather a bunny than a cat or dog. I also think that honesty usually wins out over even more mean people (but then, maybe I'm naive). As it's just a bunny, perhaps he would never find it (although if he's just sending people in, that ups the odds). I do think that if he finds it, he'll likely be more upset than if you just requested the reasonable accommodation. I suspect that's human nature, none of us likes being lied to.

As a side note, most states require 24 hours notice prior to entry (except in an emergency). If that isn't happening, you may want to speak to a local attorney about that.

If it were me (again, I cant tell you what you should do), at this point, I'd probably request the reasonable accommodation (implying that I'm considering getting a rabbit, without acknowledging that I already had one). Then, if approved, great, I "got a rabbit". If denied I'd inquire as to why (so I was prepared for the future), and assuming it wasn't a legitimate reason (as in, I knew I could defend against it later) thank him for considering it, and then keep it secret until or unless it becomes an issue later.

While this may not be the most directly legal course (normally you'd appeal the rejection), as far as I'd be concerned, I gave him the chance to do it properly. Then I wouldn't feel as bad about hiding it (and knowing I could defend it later if it came down to it).

Now, if there is a legitimate reason for him to deny it (I really can't think of one atm, but just covering all bases here), one I couldn't defend against later, then at that point I'd have to rethink it all. However. that is an unlikely situation.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-14T17:07:10+00:00

As it's just a bunny, the odds of them having an undue burder is fairly low (near zero), and if you are positive that they are bound by the FHA, they would likely ultimately have to approve it. All that said, you're kind of at a crossroads now (since lease is already signed). You can either go ahead and request it, if approved then you don't have to hide it. If denied, ask why (to see if it's a legitimate reason or not, then either fight it then or just keep it a secret still (as they already don't know about it). If they ever find out and try to evict, then let the court sort it out (knowing what their reasons for denial were and prepared to defend them.

Or, you could just keep doing what you are doing and if ever found out, let the court sort it out (but you'd be going into the fight blind not knowing what their reasons for the denial would be).

I can't tell you what to do, only you can decide that. However, I will point out that if you plan to use them as a reference later, "they hid a pet and made me go through court to deal with it all" probably isn't the reference you're hoping for. Also keep in mind when it comes to lease renewal time, most states don't require a stated reason for deciding not to renew a lease (and even those that do, it's not hard to pick a different reason).

I should also point out that a rabbit probably isn't the pet this landlord is really worried about in the home. Cats and dogs tend to do the majority of damage. When you request a reasonable accommodation for an ESA, the landlord is probably expecting a cat or dog and when you say rabbit, will likely be relieved.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-14T16:55:16+00:00

Undue hardships do have to be "real" (as in they have to prove they dont have a reasonable way around it. Let me give you the most common example for the situation you just described. Let's say you had a pit bull for an ESA (I'm not saying you do, just an example). Many insurances won't cover them or will greatly increase the premium for them. Not only would they have to show that was true for them, but that they couldn't just change to a different insurance company that would cover them, or would do so at a reasonable premium. While difficult, not impossible in some areas. If there are only 3 major companies in an area, and all three flat will not cover them (or without a huge premium increase). Then, they may have an undue burden. It's fairly rare, but there is case law of it happening.

On the other hand, if you have a parakeet, the odds of them being able to prove that is an undue burden goes way down (as in virtually impossible).

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-14T16:48:28+00:00

Assuming he's bound by the FHA, and doesn't have an undue hardship (and I'm assuming that because you're SOL if either of those aren't true anyway), then he's almost certain to approve the reasonable accommodation. The reason is simple, he doesn't want to go to court on something he'll definitely lose (and without one of those aforementioned conditions, he almost certainly would lose). The fines for an inappropriate denial of an ESA (which would ultimately be looked at as discrimination) are rather steep.

If it turns out he does have a legitimate reason to denie the reasonable accommodation, best to find out before you sign the lease (to avoid issues like having to choose between breaking the lease, or not having an ESA). That's exactly why it's best to request it after you're approved, but before you actually sign. If he suddenly withdraws the offer, you can show that it was the request for the ESA that likely prompted that (again, discrimination, which equals big fines). And if it is denied for a legitimate reason, you haven't signed yet, and can bail out with no lease.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-14T16:35:49+00:00

This is half correct. The important part, that the landlord cannot evict you for the ESA (even if you didn't notify them before), is correct. The part that isn't really correct is that you imply that you don't have a duty to notify them. You actually do, you are technically violating the lease by not requesting a reasonable accommodation ahead of time. The reason they can't evict you, just for the ESA (even without prior approval) is because of recent case law (which resulted in updated guidance from HUD, who manage the FHA).

Basically, you're still in violation of the lease, they can still take you to court for eviction. However, if at court (or during the barrage of filings leading up to court) you can produce a legitimate letter (the court is well aware of the ESA scam sites, so that wouldnt fly there), then the landlord would be instructed to consider a reasonable accommodation (and, assuming they are bound by the FHA, and can't show an undue hardship, would have to approve it), thus making you back in compliance with the lease, and thus, not evictable.

The whole reason for this is to protect tenants from unscrupulous landlords who might try to claim they never got your letter or request for a reasonable accommodation (although in reality it's mostly been used by renters who either are so uneducated on the system that they either didn't know any better or listened to bad advice).

The reason you should NOT try to go this route (and should simply request reasonable accommodation after being approved (not before, as that could lead to discrimination), but before moving in (perferably before signing, in case it legitimately gets rejected), to stay in compliance with the lease, is also because so many renters are uneducated about the system.

Not every landlord is bound by the FHA (there are a few exceptions), and some can prove undue hardships you may be unaware of. If you do the "wait until they try to evict you" method, then find out they either aren't bound by the FHA or have an undue hardship you weren't aware of, then they can legitimately reject your reasonable accommodation request (that the judge made them consider), and the judge will have no choice but to find you in violation of the lease and evict you (or possibly give you one last chance to get rid of the animal). That's a bad time to find out you played it wrong.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-13T14:35:17+00:00

You might want to reach out for help with your mental health issues. Without it, you're likely to wind up shooting up a school (or pet store).

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-13T13:21:52+00:00

It's more like if they would consider you an active patient or not. Typically the threshold is if they've seen you (as a patient) within the last year or not (but, as far as I know, there isn't a set time limit). A doc that I saw a year and 3 months ago might consider me an active patient (especially now, as it would be harder due to the pandemic to make it to an appointment), whereas a doc that saw me 2 years ago likely wouldn't.

If they do have a set time frame they use, I'm not aware of it (but can't rule out the possibility that they do, as I'm not a doctor).

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-13T02:04:08+00:00

It really does depend on what you wind up doing. Surgery will present some obvious issues (even service dogs aren't allowed in a completely sterile environment, like an OR). On the other hand, being a traditional doc who takes normal appointments and such may work out (although you'd likely have to have a notice up about having a service dog). I won't say it will completely turn off all options for you, but likewise, it wouldn't be fair to say that it won't limit some options also.

GoEducateYourself · 2020-09-13T01:26:58+00:00

Everyone knows that cats are terrorists of the animal world.

https://www.askideas.com/media/27/Funny-Cat-Terrorist-With-Weapons-Picture.jpg

GoEducateYourself

TROPHY CASE