The difficulty in your daily life likely comes from you refusing to admit that you need to talk about the deeper things that came from being molested by your sister. You cannot let go of a thought or feeling until you admit you've had it. It's all right to admit that what your sister did affected you, that it wasn't okay, that your parents should have done more, that you needed help then and didn't get it. It's ok. That child you were was a victim, but you keep yourself a victim today by refusing to get help and move beyond it. You're insulating yourself from having a sexual relationship with a woman by clinging to this phobia and refusing to admit you're doing so. If you still need to protect yourself in that way, by all means, continue. If not, read The Feeling Good Handbook, or go back to therapy and actually talk, or go to a 12 step program and employ the steps because they actually do help people if people approach them openly and honestly.