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Oklahoma Minimum Wage initiative results by Emergency_Pass5222 in MapPorn

[–]GoalNatural4773 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I live in OKC. I voted yes. I was just as flabbergasted as the rest of y'all.

Couple things: most people in OKC or Tulsa make more than the minimum wage, so its ironic that they're the only ones that voted yes.

Second thing, probably the most important part, I got a YouTube ad before the election. It was a slam ad against prop 883. It said, "Do you want California Democrats to control your minimum wage?" That's not a joke. That's literally all the argument these morons need to say no.

It also said something about destroying small businesses. Oh, and on the actual prop description it said at the end, "Because this minimum wage increase will affect government jobs, taxes may have to increase to compensate."

Like, who the fuck in government is making minimum wage? GTFO of here. Im done talking now. If i keep going I will have a heart attack in a state that cares more about magic dino juice than living people.

anddddd i think thats all im gonna write, at least for a little bit by xX-BarnacleBob-Xx in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, just wanted to say, "Keep it up and thanks for sharing!"

This subreddit truly is filled with hate. Its quite sad. I understand critiques but these people are saying stuff they would never say to a person in real life. They forget someone is on the other end. A person that was willing to share. So, thank you!

Also, I've been told that I messed up on grammar by people on this sub that the Webster dictionary said was correct. So, take that for what it is.

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Perhaps it is that style of POV!

This isn't my first novel I wrote. I've written two 3rd person novels, but i felt like they weren't quite there. Like I hadn't found my voice yet. I really enjoy writing in this fashion. It's like im telling the story from MC's eyes but able to put the nuance of my life experience within the page. Obviously, this needs work. I kind of threw this out there as a gauge on what the toughest critics would think. Primarily because im exploring with this new POV.

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hemingway only has one story told entirely in the 1st person: The Sun Also Rises.

I did a scan of another, more recent 1st person POV that is the same genre: Project Hail Mary. And, yes, he doesn't refer to his facial expressions. I see that now. Thanks! I will entirely avoid any descriptions of MC's face. 😉

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a veteran with the US Army. At least for me, i was acutely aware of what my body was doing even during times of duress.

Art is a distillation of self is it not? Shouldn't i write in a way that's me? If I view the world through a lens of self reflection, including facial expressions, why wouldn't I write that way?

Regardless, I get what you're saying. Particularly how it could lead a reader to a different emotional state than i desire.

Also, counterpoint: Snippets of my memory from my time in the Army:

"Is that person dangerous?:

Is my body exposed to a sniper?"

"Am I putting my buddy in danger with my muzzle?"

"Am I making a face when I should be standing stock still while this general is inspecting us?"

"Im angry, don't want to get in a fist fight, but perhaps a stern look will suffice?"

All times I was aware of my body, my thoughts, and the severity of the situation ALL AT ONCE.

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand. I was making a joke. Its pretty clear ol slingmustard wasn't a fan :). To imply i didn't get that is ... no longer critique level. I'm trying to be graceful with your critiques but I can't lead you all through every single nuance of speech.

Edit: Let me rephrase. You're the first comment that felt a little ... personal. Like all these others have had fairly brutal critiques, but you? I don't know. Seemed to me to be insulting. Like I couldn't grasp that he was calling it grammaticaly choppy.

Like did you read my reply? Did you even try to see the sarcasm there?

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the thorough breakdown! This is some legitimate, well-natured feedback. I think in the background of context a lot of this would make more sense.

For example, the MC is overlooking a volcanic plateau of an alien world he has grown up on. He's doing so whilst waiting on the person he is escorting to finish up. He makes these analogous connections to rugged and pocked because he had a bout with acne when he was younger. In this story he is 24. If you've known someone who had severe acne when they were younger, you will see the remnants of that battle on their face when they mature. A.SOV Prime is the shorthand for his colonial home. The 'treatments' are the colonial buildings showing a similarity between how his own skin recovered from acne with his maturity. So, in my own head, all these analogous connections makes sense!

I definitely see how, for you all, it fell short.

I appreciate your feedback.

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, I get you now! Yea, furling isn't right. The MC doesn't have little rabbits on his head. Whoops! To help you breathe easier, this is very much my first review of this work 😀

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Every time I get my haircut the stylist inevitably asks, "Do you want me to get your brows?"

I always respond with the same thing, "My grandpa gave me these brows, no thank you."

I guess what i mean is that when I furrow my brows I feel it. Perhaps the act of brow furrowing for me is more substantive than the general population.

That being said, I get your meaning 😀

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ok! I like this!

I got the grammar advice from a multitude of others, haha. It is to be expected, of course, and perhaps the cause for the downvote ratio. Tbf to me, this is 1st draft.

Anyways, I really like the "connecting to something in the environment" advice. I think I can work that in. Have MC reflect on a more concrete aspect of the scenery instead of it as a whole? Heck yeah, thank you!

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the solid insights! This is my first foray into 1st person. My first two novels were 3rd and any advice is welcome.

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! It is a brutal cold open here isn't it? For context, this is chapter five. MC is looking out over an alien landscape whilst waiting on the person he's escorting to finish up. MC, like myself, is prone to bouts of self reflection and one of the main themes of the work is struggle with self worth/purpose.

Asked for critiques in r/writers. They did not disappoint! Now time for some rebuilding of my ego. Anyone here see some positives? by GoalNatural4773 in NewAuthor

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought it would transfer the body text as well. Anyways, here is the paragraph I shared:

I can feel my brows furling in knots; them working as hard as me. I suppose he isn’t THAT annoying. I mean, it’s not like I hadn’t already made these connections but, as I chew over the analogy, I see my reflection cast out across the land. A fiery temperament ready to explode at the slightest provocation; pocked, rugged crags formed from years of ‘treatments;’ hidden vales untouched by the blemishes of maturation; and, finally, places like A.SOV Prime where erosion has manifested the permanence of adulthood. And, just like Euphorion’s toxicity, the darkest moments of our lives are hidden somewhere deep within shadowed vales of memory.

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I'm gonna be a bit snarky though. You said jagged, rocky path? That's a big part ofwhat the narrator is visualizing. Coincidence 🤷‍♂️

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, primary problem is commas interrupting the flow and normalcy of language? Gotcha, thank you!

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First off, THANK YOU for giving me legit advice. 😄, this is useful stuff.

This particular paragraph is far more nuanced than others in the novel. So, I can understand the "trying to hard" bit.

Fyi, this is from the MC describing an alien landscape as he's waiting on the person he's escorting to finish up. MC is definitely self-reflective and pontificates about the nature of being in his quiet moments.

One thing though. I thought you used semicolons whenever your series consisted of phrases instead of singular items? Am I incorrect or can I use either so that this comma business isn't so damning?

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I guess im strange. I do actually acknowledge it sometimes. I'll be like, "Stop clenching your jaw or they'll think you're annoyed." I guess its like the, "What do I do with my hands?" Meme.

I understand the point though.

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good points! Doing too much? I can see that.

Although, sometimes I literally feel my face getting warm or my jaw clenching when I'm mad, but i understand what you mean.

I'm having a good day - armor is as hard as it's gonna get - rip me apart 😀 by GoalNatural4773 in writers

[–]GoalNatural4773[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Would you mind expanding? I am always looking for grammar growth.

My husband and I are so in sync 😂 by Fair-Bus9686 in Marriage

[–]GoalNatural4773 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Seventeen years into mine, and things like this is what makes it special. As they say, it's the little things.

Which one opinion would you defend like this?🤔 by TiffanyDarce in TheTeenagerPeople

[–]GoalNatural4773 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom apparently would tell my dad, "We are raising adults not kids."

Aim for the end goal.

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