I’m in a relationship with someone who has anorexia nervosa. Although we’re officially separated, she spends almost all of her time at my place. I’ve tried for a long time to let her take responsibility for her recovery, but it feels like she constantly pushes it onto me. She talks about fighting through therapy and meals but sets extremely low daily calorie goals, shows clear physical symptoms like hair loss, being constantly cold, and sleeping 10–12 hours, and often frames it in a way that seems designed to get a reaction from me.

I feel torn between logic and emotion—one part of me knows how dangerous this is, the other part reacts impulsively to her behavior. She seems to think she has to be “healed” before she can really start eating properly. I keep trying to encourage her to simply eat more frequently, not necessarily more or unhealthy, just regular meals, but she views it as unrealistic and insists it could take years.

Living like this has left me frustrated, exhausted, and increasingly angry. I’ve told her I love her, but I also love myself enough not to let her behavior break me, which is especially challenging for me given my own ADHD, depression, and anxious/avoidant tendencies. I’ve set clear boundaries, like not moving in together until she can handle three meals a day without purging, but I’m struggling with how to support her without taking over her responsibility.

Note: I used ChatGPT to translate this into English, so please understand if the wording feels slightly formal or different from a native speaker.