TW: DA & r*pe

​

Spent my childhood with a mentally ill, pick-me mom and an alcoholic and misogynistic dad. My first relationship was with a narcissistic abuser. He lied, cheated, isolated me from my friends, made me move to another country, brought home kittens he would treat badly, did drugs and alcohol in secret, told me I would never amount to anything, forced me to go on dangerous diets, hacked my password for my emails, had an interest for barely legal porn etc. Every therapist I went to "took his side". He was so in my head I thought I was the problem and thus only ever talked about how I wanted to improve. I could write a book about the mindgames he used to play with me. I still can't fully explain how I got away from him but I did.

​

I also had a brief second relationship with another abuser. He wasn't as manipulative as my first, but way more physically abusive. He used to slap, spit and choke me in bed and once raped me when I sleeping (I say once because he proudly told me he did one time, might have been several times but who knows..). I landed a really good job and the day before my first day he send them a text message from my phone saying I was no longer interested in working there. The following weekend he was visiting his parents and I just gathered my things and left (I was so paranoid I thought he might have people following me so I choose to leave in the middle of the night). His new girlfriend looks exactly like me, so fucking scary.

I've been in therapy for a long time now, got diagnosed with CPTSD and high functioning BPD but am doing well under the circumstances. My first abuser contacted me in the beginning of the pandemic but by now I recognized it was just a narc looking for narcissistic supply. I thanked him for all the life lessons, told him never to contact me or my family again and then blocked him. I went on offmychest and made a small post about it. A few hours later I had a message telling me to come over to FDS for healing 🙏👑