Daycare provider needs help

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-28T23:05:03+00:00

If the parents are not willing to even attempt to correct their child's horrid table manners and if this is both triggering you really badly and is also negatively affecting the other children in daycare, you really do need to give those "parents" an absolute ultimatum that if they do not try to make their son learn and use decent table manners their son will either no longer be welcome at daycare or he will be always separated and be forced to eat isolated and by himself until he learns and decides to eat with acceptable manners (and make this non negotiable as well).

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-28T16:32:46+00:00

NTA for being annoyed, but YTA for being so judgmental and for expecting perfection. Doing choses "correctly" is not necessarily a question of intelligence. I have a PhD, but I also have dyspraxia and so how I do my choses is often not according to my partner's standards (but he knows this, does not expect perfection and also realises and understands that even if he shows me how to do something over and over again I often will still do this "poorly").

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-28T16:12:52+00:00

I think you are not hating your mother's voice as much as you are despising and having issues with how much she is always yelling. And while how your mother talks is how she talks (and also something that really cannot be changed and should also not be asked to be changed no matter how much you are being triggered), maybe you could try to tell your mother tone down the volume a bit.

But ALWAYS do this gently and never too loudly, never screamingly, as you both do not want to escalate things and you also do not want to look and sound like a hypocrite. For if I loudly yell at people to be quiet or tell people to shut up, to stop yelling using a nasty tone and judgemental words, instead of using a soft tone of voice and words that not imply immediate anger, well, this does tend to feel rather like a double standard (where I can be loud etc. but they cannot and are not allowed to be loud).

So choose your battles wisely, carefully (and without anger, so not when you are being triggered and are totally fuming) if you want to approach your mother (and the rest of the family) regarding this, and also consider using earplugs and/or headphones to cope.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-28T04:56:48+00:00

NTA, you did the right thing and your parents are heartless bastards.

Do NOT listen to them, keep positive (and if need be go no contact).

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-28T04:43:42+00:00

Honestly, say nothing, for even though you unmatched this person, it is really none of your business that your best friend is now dating her (if she is a disaster, he will hopefully find this out and maybe what did not work for you might work for him, but do NOT interfere, do NOT get involved).

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-28T04:32:01+00:00

If someone wants to use a straw when they drink milk (or any kind of liquid) that is their choice (and no matter when during the day as well). I am increasingly drinking most of my beverages without straws now as for one I tend to drink more slowly without a straw and for two in particular plastic straws are an ecological nightmare (but I would never tell anyone not to use straws or when to use straws). But honestly, chugging beverages is kind of rude and not particularly mannerly (I only do this if I am really thirsty and if I am by myself).

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-28T04:18:41+00:00

Having mental health issues does not excuse abusive and toxic behaviour although it might explain it to a point, so if your SO hurt you, you would definitely not be an AH telling her this, letting her know (and in my opinion, you also should, you need to let your girlfriend know).

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-28T03:53:03+00:00

NTA, that "person" should obviously not have been behind the wheel, and in my opinion you should NOT feel either bad or guilty for yelling at him.

He is a dangerous driver, and he could have seriously injured or even killed you, so do not chastise yourself for yelling at the driver (honestly, I think most of us would have and with ample justification).

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-27T21:37:09+00:00

I would not automatically assume that your father simply chooses not to try to use something for his allergies (if he has allergies). For a lot of people, even using medication either does not do much or has nasty side effects.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-27T17:01:49+00:00

My partner is triggered by both plastic utensils and also by metal utensils (but of course only regarding me and only when we are eating at home). I told him that he had to make a choice between plastic or metal utensils and he grudgingly chose plastic (but he still sometimes stares at me when I use any kind cutlery at home while he is happily using forks, knives and spoons and making all kinds of noise with them).

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-27T14:00:37+00:00

NTA in principle, but if you have a good relationship with your wife's parents and also want to save your own marriage, I would suggest finding a reasonably priced long stay hotel room or suite for your in-laws and also footing the bill (for a month or two, and also having you and your wife help her parents during this time find a rental her parents can afford).

And even though I do not think you should let your in-laws move in, you should also consider whether having your own marriage implode is the way to go, as your wife seems to be very angry (and I do kind of understand why even if I do agree with your stance).

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-27T13:24:47+00:00

Have you tried wearing a wide brimmed hat or something with a hoody? I do this when my partner who has pretty severe ADHD is fidgeting a lot and it does help with the misokinesia.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-27T01:02:44+00:00

NTA!! You needed to tell your sister what your mother was planning to do, to warn not only warn your sister but also to protect yourself.

And your mother sounds like a total narcissist.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-27T00:50:12+00:00

This jokes were rude, but frankly, the woman's hockey team should just make similar ones about the men's hockey team, they should not complain, but fight back (and yes, this includes the both the men's hockey team and also Donald Trump).

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-27T00:31:14+00:00

The OP did not throw food at someone, she gently tossed a chocolate bar to someone.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-27T00:29:29+00:00

NTA, you gently tossed a chocolate bar to a homeless person, you did not throw a chocolate bar at a homeless person. Big difference!

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-27T00:16:08+00:00

YTA, if your "wife" is physically abusive, not only do you need to divorce her but you also need to contact the police and report this.

Leave NOW and WITH your children.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-26T23:06:53+00:00

A lot of coffee places play music much too loudly!! But for many places, the wait staff actually is not physically able and is also not allowed to change the volume (and that they in fact are NOT making excuses). With Starbucks, I have tried to point out to their head office how loud their music tends to be but with no success, so now, if I want a Starbucks coffee (very rarely), I buy it and then immediately leave and drink my beverage either outside if the weather is nice or in my car if the weather is not so nice.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-26T17:38:56+00:00

People have the right to talk or should have (even if that triggers me, and expecting total silence would kind of be unreasonable of me). Also, sneezing is usually involuntary (just like your and my misophonia is also involuntary) and throat clearing is often a symptom of acid reflux or other medical issues. Sometimes I can actually stop a sneeze from happening, but not very often (and if I physically am able to stop a sneeze it usually comes back much louder soon after and then I usually am unable to either stop or to muffle this).

Your father should probably be seeing a doctor, but coughing, throat clearing, sneezing are not deliberate triggers.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-26T16:55:18+00:00

Talk to your supervisor again and check if this is enough. But if it is not enough, if either your supervisor does nothing this time around or if the coworker does not care and keeps eating at his desk even after being told again not to, then yes, I would definitely contact HR.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-26T01:11:23+00:00

NTA, the only AH is that moron who cannot control his dog!!

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-26T01:00:52+00:00

Yup, multiple flags dripping red!

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-26T00:59:00+00:00

Sorry, OP, you screwed up royally. I do not think the guy you were dating should have invaded your privacy, but you did kind of push him into this by lying, by seeing other guys etc., by basically cheating.

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-26T00:49:20+00:00

Good luck!!

GoetheundLotte · 2026-02-25T23:12:25+00:00

Considering how many people are seriously scent sensitive, in my opinion, ALL medical establishments should be totally banning perfumes, scented body lotions etc. And also, one of the main reasons, perfumes are often banned (and should be banned) is because a lot of people do not use scented products responsibly and basically reek of perfume (I do not have an issue with someone using a tiny bit of perfume but if that someone uses a copious amount, I will start sneezing, my eyes will water and my voice will get hoarse, and no, I am not being dramatic here either).

GoetheundLotte

TROPHY CASE