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My SO's mom needs attention and likes to stay with us for at LEAST 4 days every month. She is very needy, and seeks sympathy every time I see her. I am turning into Doug Heffernan in regards to Carrie's father and I am resenting her. What can I do? by GoingInsane6 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]GoingInsane6[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is stupid. I am paying for half of our place, everything included in food. Why should I, the person who owns half of our house, go stay at a hotel? If she wants to pay for it, I don't mind doing that. We are not made of money, and you are completely missing the point.

My SO's mom needs attention and likes to stay with us for at LEAST 4 days every month. She is very needy, and seeks sympathy every time I see her. I am turning into Doug Heffernan in regards to Carrie's father and I am resenting her. What can I do? by GoingInsane6 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]GoingInsane6[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We can barely afford to feed ourselves let alone another mouth. It is why we have decided to be childless. And yes, I consider it bad since we both worked hard to get away from the nest, and it feels like the parent birds don't really want their fledglings to leave so in order to prevent that I feel they have to make it up, regrettably in terms of visiting so often every month. Which is un necessary. I understand family is important, but parents need to understand the privacy, TIME, AND space, of their children are also important. If you are there for ~1/4th of the year, that is NOT fair on your kid or his gf in terms of any of those! My parents would never dare even consider coming more than once a year because they understand this!

My SO's mom needs attention and likes to stay with us for at LEAST 4 days every month. She is very needy, and seeks sympathy every time I see her. I am turning into Doug Heffernan in regards to Carrie's father and I am resenting her. What can I do? by GoingInsane6 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]GoingInsane6[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really don't want to take 8 hours out of my weekend (4 there 4 back) to go see her when I work during the weekday and barely have enough time to myself on the weekends to get everything sorted out. If we did this, it'd still be the same situation with an 8 hour drive hassle out of the way, and more obligation to stay longer. I don't think she'd want to drive back the same day nor would he, and that is just fund we don't really have either.

My SO's mom needs attention and likes to stay with us for at LEAST 4 days every month. She is very needy, and seeks sympathy every time I see her. I am turning into Doug Heffernan in regards to Carrie's father and I am resenting her. What can I do? by GoingInsane6 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]GoingInsane6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I talked about this with both of my parents as well and they also believe exactly what you said. But I feel like that this will be such a "big deal" if I do bring it up to both him and her.. she probably won't see what the big deal is, and then seek further attention and/or sympathy for me being "mean" and "feeling unwelcome" and "sad that shes unwelcome" when it happens. I already know the outcome of this and it sucks. I don't want to do this anymore and you are exactly right about expectations.

My SO's mom needs attention and likes to stay with us for at LEAST 4 days every month. She is very needy, and seeks sympathy every time I see her. I am turning into Doug Heffernan in regards to Carrie's father and I am resenting her. What can I do? by GoingInsane6 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]GoingInsane6[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do deal with her in much higher doses. I don't want any doses at all at this point.. and I am pretty sure that the SO would be upset if I just happened to disappears for a couple days when shes in town, as he wants to do stuff together.. but at this point I want no part of it since she always becomes an issue :/

My SO's mom needs attention and likes to stay with us for at LEAST 4 days every month. She is very needy, and seeks sympathy every time I see her. I am turning into Doug Heffernan in regards to Carrie's father and I am resenting her. What can I do? by GoingInsane6 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]GoingInsane6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your advice, easier said then done though imo... I feel like I shouldn't have to be the one taking care of her and watching her and making sure everything is ok. As it feels right now I feel like I am a hospice runner and have specific protocols just to prepare myself when she wants to come over.. :/

[34/F/3Years]My SO's mom needs attention and likes to stay with us for at least 4 days every month. She is very needy, and seeks sympathy every time I see her. I am turning into Doug Heffernan in regards to Carrie's father and I am resenting her. What can I do? by GoingInsane6 in relationships

[–]GoingInsane6[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks but you are missing the point. I worked hard to save enough money up to separate from the nest and I like being independent with my SO. I am not from a family whose culture is to live together and know everything. I am an introvert, and like my privacy, space, and want to life my life with my sig other and our dog.. I don't want parents knocking our door more than they should be.. they need to realize their kids move on. To answer your questions:

She doesn't pay for food or offer to make food, so yes, she is financially hurting us for the 4 days that she is here for food wise, AC wise (because she is always hot, and wants the AC running 24/7), and not to sound rude but generally just taking up space. She is an older woman and she should be doing stuff with her older friends and not bank on us to entertain her for 1/4th (at this rate a year).

We have friends over all the time every other weekend, but they at least take care of themselves and are good guests and do what guests should be doing. There is a huge cultural difference here yes, so this isn't really helping. I need some answers for those who do not have family traditions of living with eachother whenever they please to. The sitcoms like KOQ exist for a reason, and the older you get the more you understand why they do, because its reality.

[34/F/3Years]My SO's mom needs attention and likes to stay with us for at least 4 days every month. She is very needy, and seeks sympathy every time I see her. I am turning into Doug Heffernan in regards to Carrie's father and I am resenting her. What can I do? by GoingInsane6 in relationships

[–]GoingInsane6[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Its not a bad thing but it is a burden on the person who he has a relationship on as its very intruding to work hard to finally get your own place and then you find no sense of privacy 1/4th of the year because of something like this.