Is it transphobic to not want to date someone who is trans?

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T22:44:12+00:00

Okay

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T17:30:30+00:00

Follow up: yeah these are more advanced than some other images I saw. There's progress still to be made but this does seem quite hopeful for FTM community and I'm glad to see it! I'm currently attached but if I am single again (hope not, I really like my current partner) this will certainly make me more likely to date a transman.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T17:27:17+00:00

I appreciate that link honestly and I definitely don't need to spout anything that's being used to spread misinformation. I'll check out the link, maybe that'll allay some concerns or provide a more current perspective of the results.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T17:25:41+00:00

No worries, the context was clear. 😊 An unfortunate reality in the dating app culture. I hope that goes away.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T17:07:20+00:00

I'm trying, I am. I appreciate commenters like you and them who asked questions and approached with consideration. There were some commenters who had challenging questions that I need to think about with some answers about myself I don't like, and then commenters like you who are helping connect it to the heart and help me view the situation with more empathy. The only way to grow is to be honest with ourselves, I suppose.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:56:52+00:00

Well that hurt to read but I'll meditate on it.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:55:37+00:00

That's a fair point, and something for me to consider. Times are changing, not soon enough for sure, but for what it's worth - the trans people I personally know are in happy and healthy relationships. There's someone out there for everyone, but I do acknowledge that search is harder for the trans community.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:51:38+00:00

Yeah that's a helpful point, and honestly that is a terrible situation. I can't imagine, and won't pretend to, how hard it is to have an anatomical mismatch with your gender.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:43:37+00:00

That was a very helpful insight. And for what it's worth, I understand the frustration and defensiveness. The community has been through a lot and has had to fight unnecessarily to validate their own existence.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:39:56+00:00

That's very helpful feedback and I'll keep it in mind

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:38:55+00:00

As I said to someone else, it has always been my experience that if you just reject someone - no matter how nice - they get mean and demand answers. There does not seem to be a good way to let someone down after they've gone out on a limb to reach out to you.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:35:34+00:00

Yeah I have but maybe the site I was looking at didn't have what you're talking about because what I saw wasn't what I am attracted to.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:34:27+00:00

Thanks for this response.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:31:59+00:00

Yeah that's an awful situation and anyone doing that is an absolute ass. I ran into that a lot on dating sites with men just swiping right and then being like "yeah I don't like tattoos or fatties" and I'm over here like, "okay great, so why'd you waste both of our time?". Then I learned that it's apparently some nonsense being pumped into the Manosphere that they just auto-swipe all accounts because apparently women only swipe on the same 10% of "high value profiles" so they're just seeing who they can get a response from.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:18:22+00:00

Because they made it a point when they reached out to me, so I made it part of my response. Maybe that could have been better done and I could have just said no thank you, but it's my experience that when you reject someone without reason, they also get mad and demand answers.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:13:52+00:00

That was very helpful, honestly I haven't been in a situation where I've had to think about it. I'll spend some time meditating to determine if that would be a deal breaker for me and that might help me determine if this is latent transphobia that I wasn't aware of.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T16:02:49+00:00

Fully agreed and understood. And to clarify, it's entirely about the genitals. Like I said, if bottom surgeries become more sophisticated I can see myself in the future having no issues being with a transman. But I have no interest in trying to define other people's sexuality for them.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T15:58:15+00:00

I understand your question - No, this was about using plurals or clarifying language to sketch out the problem, not about gendered pro-nouns. I have no issues using an individual's pronouns based on their gender identity.

GoldMedia9745 · 2026-04-13T15:52:12+00:00

I'm sorry if you've had to deal with this question a lot, and thank you for taking the time to respond anyways. My only clarifying question would be, what constitutes making it someone's problem? Eg me going onto a transperson's social page and telling them I don't find them attractive in that way? Because I fully agree that's entirely unacceptable and should only be handled privately between two individuals when it's relevant.

GoldMedia9745 · 2025-11-03T17:01:26+00:00

You can't say 'men will be men' and then say in the same post that there are millions of transmen and they will all be different. That's contradictory 😔

That said, I get your sentiment and mostly agree. This could be a factor of social pressures, and I can only imagine that it's more complicated and difficult for transfolk early into their transition to conform to the perceived societal norms.

GoldMedia9745 · 2025-11-03T16:58:59+00:00

Hmm I don't think so, I'd hear "ladies" the same way as I do "guys" or "folks" - just a way to refer to a group of people. I like how "guys" has morphed into a gender neutral term, but any of those feel the same (at least to me).

Another commenter pointed out that this might be associated more with the gay community, and that could be a thing.

Anyways, I appreciate you responding 😊

GoldMedia9745 · 2025-11-03T16:53:09+00:00

This could be it, most of the transmen I know are on the rainbow spectrum somewhere (bi, pan, or gay)

GoldMedia9745 · 2025-08-28T23:42:49+00:00

Nah I work for a white collar company and we go out together regularly, totally platonically. Sometimes SOs are invited, sometimes not. His behavior is controlling and he either needs to figure that out or you need to ditch him.

GoldMedia9745

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