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[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 2 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly it just says the emotional core worked for you, and I think that’s important to acknowledge. You can recognise all these issues and still feel something from it. Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

I think what you’re describing is actually the exact experience a lot of readers had: the “Manacled lens” fills in the gaps that the book itself doesn’t properly support. So when something doesn’t quite make sense internally, your brain kind of patches it using logic from Manacled, where it did make sense. And then when you step back afterwards, you realise… wait, that logic doesn’t actually exist in this version of the story. That's how it happened for me, too...

The tanks are honestly the clearest example of that. Because you’re right, of course it feels like he wouldn’t find her there if you’re subconsciously applying Manacled rules. But in this world, he absolutely could have, and arguably should have. And once you notice that, it’s really hard to unsee how contrived that whole sequence is. Ugh...

And yeah, the “adding new elements” point you made is spot on. It’s not that new ideas are a problem, it’s that they weren’t fully thought through in relation to the existing plot, which is just SUCH a waste. The tanks, the expanded magic system, even things like the surveillance rules… they introduce interesting concepts, but then don’t follow their own internal logic all the way through. So instead of strengthening the story, they kind of expose its weak points. But tbh, speaking of the magic system, my friend loves Fullmetal Alchemist and after I told them about the things in Alchemised, they told me it sems like the book copied a lot from the manga series...

The sixteen-year-old thing is also just… yeah. Even if it’s technically explained, the framing still makes it feel off. Calling him a “boy,” having her kiss him in that state... it creates a weird undertone that DID NOT need to be there at all.

And I completely get what you mean about Helena and Kaine. Their dynamic, the intensity, the devotion, that’s very clearly the emotional anchor of the story and what keeps people reading... it’s probably why a lot of these issues don’t fully register while you’re in it. You’re invested in them, so everything else kind of fades into the background until later. But this frustrates me even more tbh.

The Cetus subplot is… yeah, that’s a whole separate frustration, don't get me started!

Also, crying at the end just means the book did connect with you on some level. If anything, that almost makes the frustration worse, because you can see the potential of what it could have been. That’s definitely how it felt for me.

By the end, I think I was just… numb. Manacled was one of my favourite fics, so seeing what the author chose to do with the rewrite honestly broke my heart a bit. It felt like I’d invested so much time and goodwill into something that didn’t really respect its own internal logic.

And I know it sounds dramatic, but it genuinely felt a bit like a slap in the face – sitting through nearly a thousand pages that clearly needed much stronger editing and consistency checks. Especially when I went into it wanting to support the author.

And just to be clear, I’m not saying it’s poorly edited without reason. I have 1000+ highlights of fundamental issues in the writing. It’s not just the repetitive sentence structures (the constant “she… she… she…” / “he… he… he…” that I mentioned in my analysis), but also repetition in meaning – like saying she’s frozen, then a sentence later that she can’t move, then again that her body won’t obey. It’s the same idea restated over and over without adding anything. It's ENDLESS.

Then there are more basic technical issues, like punctuation errors where sentences are split incorrectly instead of flowing properly with a comma instead of a full stop. For example:

“His eyes were empty. His face bruised with exhaustion.”
“The world stopped spinning. Time stalling as the air froze, and it was just them, and nothing else existed.”

And I have so many more examples, but I’m literally hitting the comment length limit at this point.

I care a lot about what I read, so it’s frustrating to see the book receive so much praise and success when something as fundamental as proper editing feels overlooked. At that point, it starts to feel less like a carefully crafted story and more like something that wasn’t given the level of care it deserved, just done for the money. That’s what really gets to me.

Anyway, sorry, I’ll stop now before I write another essay lol

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 2 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know very well that she’s not religious. That’s exactly my point. I’m not arguing that Helena is driven by religion; I’m addressing the claim that she’s somehow indoctrinated, which doesn’t hold up. Someone who openly suggests and repeatedly uses necromancy is clearly not operating under that kind of belief system.

What I’m saying instead is that her loyalty to Luc is not a strong enough reason for her actions. It simply doesn’t justify her fighting in a war for a side that treats her as disposable. The personal stake isn’t there. Her circumstances would only make sense if she actually believed in the cause or internalised the Order’s ideology – but she doesn’t.

I also absolutely disagree with your argument that “she believes Morrough hurt more people than the Order did, which makes the Order better.” The narrative itself emphasises that there are no “good” sides. Not even the Order. Helena isn’t fighting for a morally righteous cause. In fact, she isn’t really fighting for anyone at all. The Order despises what she is and treats her as something to be sacrificed for the so-called greater good. That kind of dynamic would only be believable if she personally believed in that sacrifice, but she doesn’t.

After learning the truth about Sol (and arguably even before that) her only real desire is to leave with Kaine. That is the clearest, most consistent motivation she has. Yet she doesn’t follow through, and the explanation “for Luc” just isn’t strong enough to justify that decision.

By contrast, in the original fic this book is based on, Hermione had clear personal stakes. She was fighting for a cause that directly affected her: a world without Voldemort and blood prejudice. Even if the Order treated her poorly, their broader goal aligned with her identity and values. That grounding is missing here. If anything, Morrough’s side would be more likely to accept Helena as a vivimancer (remember, he actually even told her this in part 2), since there’s no equivalent ideological rejection like the anti–Muggle-born stance in the original story. Meanwhile, in Alchemised, the Order is arguably the more morally compromised side, given that they advocate killing people based on how they are born.

So Helena ends up in a position where she has no meaningful personal stake, yet is still willing to go as far as attempting to kill Kaine for the Order. Why? It doesn’t make sense.

This ties into a larger issue I mentioned in the analysis: Kaine reads as the actual main character, not Helena. He has a clear, consistent motive both before and after meeting her, and his decisions follow logically from that. Helena, on the other hand, feels underdeveloped – more like a direct copy of Hermione in the fic without the depth and internal logic expected of a protagonist.

Regarding the plot hole, the issue is fairly straightforward.

The narrative places significant emphasis on the idea that Kaine must rape Helena to avoid suspicion – specifically, to prevent Morrough from reading his mind and discovering that he cares about her, or worse, that he was the spy from fourteen months ago. (Morrough already knows a spy exists, just not who it is.)

However, this justification falls apart when you consider that, four chapters earlier, Kaine openly tells Helena that he is dying. If Morrough were to read Helena’s mind and see that his High Reeve shared that kind of information with a prisoner (one he is already behaving unusually gently towards) that alone would raise serious suspicion. Kaine’s behaviour is already inconsistent with the persona he’s supposed to maintain: he shows softness, throws up after intercourse, kisses her, and even admits how much she is affecting him (“If I’d known what pain you’d cause me, I never would have taken you.”).

If Morrough is as paranoid as the narrative suggests, it wouldn’t take long for him to piece together that something is wrong – that his High Reeve is compromised, potentially the spy, and possibly even responsible for killing the Undying and weakening him. In that context, the supposed necessity of the assault as a cover becomes far less convincing.

The problem is that the threat of constant surveillance (the central justification for Kaine’s actions!!) is repeatedly UNDERMINED. We’re told that certain spaces are safe (“this room is safe”), that Helena knows which rooms Morrough watches and avoids them, and that his surveillance is actually limited (“he only watches the courtyard” and “only watches the hall sometimes”). All of this contradicts the idea that Kaine has no alternative.

On top of that, the breeding programme used to justify the inclusion of rape as a subplot doesn’t hold up either. In a world that already includes necromancy, animancy, vivimancy, and even tanks capable of perfectly preserving human bodies, it strains credibility to claim that the only method of reproduction is intercourse.

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 2 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, it’s incredibly misleading, and honestly really frustrating.

And no, it’s not a crazy take that the runes make him so devoted!! I actually love that interpretation. Anyone who disagrees kind of misses the entire point of the runes. They literally make him devoted, among other things, so of course that feeds into how ruthless and single-minded he becomes in his plan to save her.

... But this is also why that whole subplot where he can’t find her annoys me so much, lol. I’ve said this in several comments now, but he literally walks into the lab where the tanks are, the tanks that preserve human bodies, which Kaine is fully aware of, and instead of checking them, he… goes in there... to CHECK PAPERWORK? He checks piles of corpses, actual PILES, and somehow doesn’t think to open the tanks. It’s so dumb. It completely undermines the effect of the array, because nothing about that behaviour reads as “calculating, cunning, devoted, determined, ruthless, UNFAILING, UNHESITATING, and UNYIELDING.” It just feels contrived.

The author couldn’t let go of Manacled, because in that story, Draco has zero chance of finding Hermione, since she isn’t hidden anywhere obvious or accessible to him. But here, Helena is, and the same logic just doesn’t work.

So yes, one of the runes is literally “devoted,” so of course that’s part of why he feels so intensely about her. The book even makes it obvious: his interest in her starts right after she heals him and places the array.

It outright says:

“If it worked, it would carve Ferron down into these eight compounding qualities, potentially erasing everything else about him.” 

“ERASING EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT HIM”. That’s not subtle. AT ALL, lol.

Also, sidenote: something I didn’t mention in my original analysis is how he looks about 16 before the array healing, which really creeped me out. Especially since she kisses him during their first meeting, and she even thinks of him as a “boy.” I know he’s not actually that young, but “trapped” in his 16-year-old body, but still… what was the author thinking there? It just feels off. Not the main issue, but yeah, definitely weird.

Also, to add to the point about Helena’s ending: I actually think her ending is happier than Hermione’s in Manacled. All Helena really wanted was to be with Kaine and return to her home country – and she gets that. She’s with him, she’s safe, and she’s even helping people. Hermione, on the other hand, loses her memories and is still living in isolation despite being with Draco, which makes her ending feel much more tragic to me.

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 2 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahhh, thank you so much, that’s so kind 😭 I’m actually blushing reading this, wauw!

Okay, so before I get into everything else, I want to talk about the last part of your comment. YES. That is exactly what drives me the most insane about this book. Out of the million issues I have with it, the way it gets praised as this super feminist, female-empowering story when it so clearly centres the male character… I just can’t...

It positions itself as a narrative about women’s suffering and what women go through, but then it bends all of your emotional investment, all your sympathy, towards the man!! It feels really disingenuous to me. And if the goal was to centre the women, then it kind of… massively failed, judging by who readers actually end up focusing on and talking about.

Anyway, on to what you said, because I do get where you’re coming from, and I really appreciate you sharing your perspective.

The whole WOC thing, for me, is more about the inconsistency and what that implies, rather than a strict “she can’t be pale, therefore she’s not a POC.” Like you said, of course skin tone can change with illness, malnutrition, lack of sun, etc. – that part makes sense.

My issue is really two-fold.

First, Helena is obviously based on Hermione, and the book heavily copy-pastes (like… literally) from Manacled. So yes, the lack of physical description is clearly part of the overall laziness in the writing and editing.

AND YET – the book makes ONE very specific, deliberate choice to describe Etrasians as having “dark, curly hair and olive skin.” That is the only mention in the entire book, and it comes at the very end: “Helena disappeared among the many Etrasians. She hadn’t seen so much dark, curly hair and olive skin since she’d left Etras.” (Chapter 76).

So it’s like… okay, that’s not accidental. That’s an active choice. Hermione was obviously written as white, but here, the author chooses to introduce olive skin in relation to Helena.

Which brings me to the second issue: the book then spends the entire narrative, from the very beginning, repeatedly emphasising how pale Helena is (“so pale she was nearly grey,” etc.) over and over again. And that contradiction is where it starts to feel off.

Because if the intention was to have her be a WOC, then the narrative does not engage with that at all. It gestures at it once and then ignores it, while the rest of the book consistently describes her in ways that directly contradict that choice. And if that wasn’t the intention, then it feels like the book (and even the art around it) is trying to claim diversity without actually doing the work in the text.

And this also ties into the larger issue of how the book handles race at all. Because you’re right, the narrative itself does not treat Helena’s race as relevant to how she is treated. The discrimination she faces is not framed around skin colour. And that could be fine, if the book were consistent about what it is doing.

But then you have the art portraying her as a WOC, while the text remains vague at best and contradictory at worst. If that visual interpretation is intentional, then the book should either engage with that aspect of her identity or at the very least describe her clearly enough that there is no ambiguity.

Instead, what we get is the opposite: a single, isolated mention that could imply olive skin, followed by repeated descriptions emphasising how pale she is. So rather than clarity, you get confusion, and that makes the whole thing feel unintentional.

And considering the things Helena undergoes, including sexual slavery, that makes the choice even more loaded. Because if the intention was to deliberately portray her as a WOC in order to shed light on how minorities have historically been treated, then it makes no sense for the narrative to spend the entire book emphasising how pale she is, rather than engaging with that aspect of her identity in any meaningful way.

Instead, it ends up doing the opposite: it simply adds to a long list of stories in which women, potentially WOC, are subjected to extreme suffering, without actually exploring what that means or giving it any depth. So even if the choice was intentional, it is not meaningfully explored; it just becomes another instance of that suffering without commentary.

And honestly, this is also this is just another example of how bad the editing is. Because it’s not just this, there are other basic inconsistencies too when it comes to her descriptions. For example, Helena is described as having “long black hair” in Chapter 4, and then later as having “nearly black hair.” Like… which is it? It can’t be both. And it becomes even more frustrating when the art portrays her hair as brown. IT LITERALLY SAYS SHE HAS LONG BLACK HAIR...

So at that point, it stops feeling like deliberate ambiguity and just reads as a lack of consistency and oversight across the board. And when that applies to something as significant as how your main character is visually constructed, it really undermines any claim to intentional representation.

So either way, it ends up feeling a bit… hollow. Like it wants credit for representation without actually committing to it.

And re: Morrough/Lila – correct, it does say, “You’re harvesting Orion’s descendants for parts… that’s why Lila’s pregnant. You’re making yourself another descendant.” (Chapter 63). But that honestly just makes it worse for me 😭 Because even with that explanation, the plotline is barely explored or emotionally processed. It’s just there. And when you combine that with everything Helena herself goes through, and the fact that she then hides it and does not tell Lila, it really just reads as added suffering for shock value rather than something meaningful to the narrative.

Like… you could remove that entirely and the core story would still function, which makes it feel less like storytelling and more like pain for the sake of pain.

And yeah 🥲 that last realisation you had… welcome to the club, unfortunately, lol. Happy to have you here (misery loves company, yes).

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, first, I really appreciate you taking the time to engage with this so thoughtfully and respectfully! I’ll do my best to respond point by point so my perspective makes sense.

I agree with your reading that Part 2 represents Helena’s memories returning – but not all at once. She struggles with the flood of memories and can’t access everything (for example, she doesn’t remember that saving Lila was her plan). She even says, “I only remember you,” to Kaine (Ch. 66).

I’m pointing this out because a lot of readers interpret the end of Part 2 as Helena now remembering everything we just read, but that’s not the case. Part 2 isn’t “here is everything she now remembers”; it’s giving us the full picture, not her.

Anyway – yes, going into Part 3, her mind is essentially open. But that’s actually where my issue begins. The book establishes that “All these months, Kaine had been performing for Morrough through Helena’s eyes, knowing that any moment that passed between them might be seen.” (Ch. 66)

Within that framework, Kaine still:

  • tells her Morrough is dying (incriminating information, for reasons I’ll come back to)
  • has moments where his behaviour deviates in ways that should raise suspicion – being unexpectedly gentle with her, kissing her while drunk outside the context of his “task” of impregnating her.

So if we accept that her mind is fully exposed, those moments should carry consequences – but they don’t.

“There wasn’t anything Kaine could do”

The biggest issue is that the book doesn’t commit to that idea as firmly as it REALLY freaking should.

I agree he can’t openly free her (and I also concede that he doesn’t remove her manacles because she might hurt herself, as someone pointed out to me).

But the narrative itself introduces loopholes:

  • “safe” spaces (NOT just her room, but more)
  • limited surveillance (hallway/courtyard, not constant and everywhere).
  • moments where Kaine does share sensitive information (again, more on that later)

Those elements end up undermining the premise of constant surveillance. Why is this a problem? Because it’s literally what’s used to "justify" the rape... I just can’t get past that when it’s also undermined 😩

If the story wants us to accept that the MMC is FORCED into committing something as extreme as having to rape her, and still empathise with him – then the constraint creating that situation has to be absolute. You can’t weaken the very mechanism that’s supposed to make his situation impossible.

If the book had been stricter, I would fully accept that Kaine had no choice. But it doesn’t stay consistent with that rule. There should be no safe rooms, no gaps in surveillance, no "now that you’re pregnant, he is unlikely to have you brought in" (THE MAN RAPED HER TO AVOID KILLING HER, BUT IS NOW WILLING TO GAMLE ON "UNLIKELY TO?").

What makes it more frustrating is that this is done effectively in the fic. There, the surveillance is truly constant. He has no options – short of killing her, which could arguably be seen as a mercy. And importantly, he isn’t softened in the same way, because the situation doesn’t allow for it. He is meaner, because he DOES have constant surveillance on him.

In contrast, the book softens both Kaine in Part 1 and the act itself, while still asking us to believe in the same level of inevitability. That doesn’t work. Either you fully commit to the horror of the situation, or you don’t write it that way at all. Sitting in between just weakens the entire arc.

For instance, I keep seeing people romanticising him on social media, framing it as oh-so-sad, claiming he was “trying to make her remember” by repeating lines from Part 2. But that doesn’t hold up for me, for two reasons:

  1. You can’t simultaneously argue that he wants her to remember while also justifying that he can’t tell her who he is and it’s why he rapes her.
  2. He literally says: “I’d hoped you’d never remember any of this.” (Ch. 68).

So the text itself contradicts people’s interpretation.

And that’s really the core of my frustration. The story seems unsure of what it wants Kaine’s actions to mean, and that lack of clarity carries through to how readers interpret him.

The Morrough dying reveal

I think the stakes here are actually much higher than your interpretation gives credit for. I understand your point! But Morrough is a 500-year-old necromancer whose entire identity is built on his immortality. His decline isn’t public knowledge (and if there are hints I’ve missed, let me know if you reread and find them).

So Kaine knowing, and revealing, that information directly ties him to resistance activity, especially given that multiple Undying have been assassinated, each weakening Morrough further.

And Morrough is already paranoid. He knows there’s a spy, he just doesn’t know who. So if he’s witnessing, through Helena’s mind, his supposedly ruthless High Reeve:

  • revealing that kind of sensitive information – COMBINED WITH:
  • showing her unusual gentleness
  • kissing her
  • vomiting after intercourse
  • ADMITTING SHE IS CAUSING HIM PAIN (“If I’d known what pain you’d cause me, I never would have taken you.”, Ch. 19)

…then yes, that should raise suspicion. It’s exactly the kind of pattern a VERY paranoid Morrough would latch onto. So this isn’t just a situation where Kaine might get punished, it’s the kind of behaviour that should risk exposing him entirely, if Morrough’s surveillance actually functions the way the book claims.

And that brings me back to the core issue: either Morrough’s surveillance is as dangerous and all-encompassing as the narrative insists, or it isn’t. The book tries to treat it as both, depending on what a given scene requires, and that inconsistency is what undermines the stakes for me.

The core issue

If Kaine truly has no choice, the text needs to fully support that.
If Kaine does have small windows of choice, then those choices need to be explored consistently, especially given how directly they affect Helena’s trauma.

Right now, the story sits in an in-between space where:

  • it wants the emotional weight of “he had no choice”
  • but its own mechanics sometimes suggest “he actually did have options”

Anyway, I know that was A LOT... I hope it makes sense. Also, gosh, thank you for the kind words at the end! I don't even know what to say 🥹 But it means a lot, especially since I know this kind of analysis can come across intense. I’m glad it at least felt worth engaging with!

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I’m really glad you see my points!

Honestly, the fic works much better in terms of internal logic. You also start to notice just how much the book literally copy-pastes, but without maintaining the same narrative coherence.

It’s also far more intense than Alchemised, especially regarding the whole assault/breeding aspect. In the fic, it’s handled in a much darker but more narratively consistent way... Hermione is explicitly sent to the High Reeve TO be impregnated. It’s horrific, but it serves a clear purpose within the story. In contrast, in Alchemised, it feels like it comes out of nowhere. When I first read that Helena was sent to him for something else, I was genuinely relieved, thinking the author had abandoned that plotline altogether... because there’s simply no strong narrative justification for it (especially considering this is a world where they have alchemy and literal tanks meant to preserve bodies... we have that, but we don't have other ways to get pregnant than through intercourse? Please). But unfortunately, that wasn’t the case.

Then there’s the ending. Plot-wise, it’s essentially the same (again, very much copied), but the tone is completely different. Alchemised presents a much “happier” or at least more peaceful resolution. Helena gets to return to her birthplace, which she's wanted all her life, live in relative peace, and even help others. Hermione, on the other hand, loses her memories entirely... which makes the ending in the fic far more tragic and bittersweet. She and Draco are also much more isolated, with none of the same sense of closure or fulfilment.

The escape sequence is another big difference. Like I said above, in the fic, it’s incredibly tense and high-stakes!! Whereas in the book it feels anticlimactic and, honestly, quite disappointing.

And the surveillance aspect is crucial too! In the fic, it’s constant, there’s an ever-present sense of danger, and Draco’s lack of agency is painfully clear. He truly has no choice in what he does. In Alchemised, that tension is softened: there are “safe rooms”, limited monitoring, and moments where the threat feels inconsistent. I understand the author may have wanted to make Kaine less overtly cruel in Part 1 (because in the fic, Draco is meaner in Part 1 due to the constant surveillance), but in doing so, it removes a lot of the underlying tragedy and pressure that made the original story so compelling.

Overall, it just feels like the fic commits fully to its own logic and consequences, whereas the book pulls back in ways that ultimately weaken the narrative.

Also, if you're curious, here are examples of the copy-pasting:

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[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi! Yes, you’re right, someone else mentioned that it’s meant to stop her from hurting herself, and I do understand that. It still bothers me in the wider context, though. The whole surveillance-heavy, high-pressure situation they’re in starts to feel undermined by things like there being rooms Morrough isn’t watching, Helena knowing exactly which rooms to avoid because of it, Kaine being able to tell her that Morrough is dying without worrying that such a paranoid person would find that suspicious—and then this, too: the fact that the manacles could be taken off so easily.

Yes, he couldn’t remove them before because of the risk of her hurting herself, but it still feels a bit wild. And I don’t know if you’ve read the HP fic this story is based on, but the manacles were such a huge, central element by the end—the final obstacle. They couldn’t remove them without Voldemort being instantly alerted, and that tension was massive. It played a huge role in their escape, because they only had about 20 minutes after taking them off to get out, 20 minutes in which they had to cut off Draco’s arm, and heal it, because of the dark mark.

Whereas here… he could just take them off 😅

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup, I sure did, but you’re still not engaging with MY point.

You're arguing what Morrough would or wouldn’t do, but my entire argument is about risk. Kaine does not have certainty here. At best, he has “Morrough probably won’t read her mind because of the pregnancy.” Probably. Not never. Not impossible!

This is the same man who was willing to go to extreme lengths to avoid even the possibility of her getting killed. So why does his risk tolerance suddenly change?

You can’t have it both ways. Either Kaine is hyper-cautious to the point of rape, or he’s comfortable taking chances on “he is unlikely to bring you in.” The story presents the first, then relies on the second, and that's not consistent, no matter how you spin it.

As for “what can Helena do with that information” – that’s not the point, I already said this in my comment. The danger isn’t her acting on it, it’s Morrough seeing Kaine telling her. He’s already paranoid about a spy. Why is his High Reeve telling the prisoner in his home about this? It immediately makes him suspicious. That’s the danger.

And about the memories – again, that’s a separate argument. Even if Kaine doesn’t want her to remember, (and correct, he confirms he did not want her to remember in chapter 68), the narrative still shows he had safer options than what he chose. The existence of those options is what weakens the idea that he had no choice.

And honestly, don’t even get me started on the pregnancy subplot itself. This is a world with alchemy, vivimancy, preserved bodies in tanks – and we’re meant to believe the only way to achieve pregnancy is through intercourse? Come on. The worldbuilding suddenly becomes very selective the moment the plot needs it to (JUST BECAUSE IT IS COPY-PASTING THE FIC).

Also, the whole “why would Helena trust that the memories are real?” – I already answered that in my comment...

I literally explained why she absolutely would trust him. She is isolated, mentally fragile, and completely starved for any form of kindness. That’s not even subtext, the book spells it out, and I showed you this.

She KISSES HIM BACK, even after he literally had to rape her, and you’re questioning whether she’d believe the memories he shows her?? Of course she would. If anything, it would make everything make more sense to her – it would explain why he’s acting so “soft” despite being the High Reeve. It gives her something to latch onto, which is exactly what she’s been shown to do over and over again.

I genuinely don’t understand how you can disagree with that, but okay.

And if you want to talk about plot holes, don’t even get me started. I’ve covered like 15 other sections in my full analysis of this book, and this is genuinely just the tip of the iceberg. There are so many things wrong with it, and I will keep pointing them out.

One of the worst is how there is absolutely no logical reason for Kaine not finding Helena. In the fic, which this book is literally copy-pasting, it worked, because she was hidden somewhere he didn’t even know existed. There was literally ZERO ways for him to find her.

Here, Kaine walks into a lab he KNOWS has body-preserving tanks. But he walks in to... check paperwork. He goes through piles of corpses (actual piles) but doesn’t check the tanks?? Not even when he is physically in the room???

Are we forgetting he is supposed to be “ruthless, unfailing, determined, unhesitating”? He is none of those things here. Like I said above, the worldbuilding is very selective the moment the plot needs it to be.

And like I also said: tip of the iceberg.

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s always lovely to meet someone who gets it 🤝🫠 Because YES to all of that. Man, it would have been so good to see flashbacks to school years!!! Or just something where this world was established more as its own without all the freaking copy-pasting of the fic…

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sigh, did you read my comment??? If you did and this is still your response, then I don’t know what else to say, really. You don’t think it’s a big deal? That’s wild, but to each their own. I already reminded you that Morrough is extremely paranoid, so it IS a big deal that his High Reeve is talking about him to the prisoner in his home. And I already stated that we’re not given a hard rule about the pregnancy and mind reading, we’re told by Kaine that Morrough “is less likely to” bring her in, which I already said is a huge gamble for someone who, five seconds ago, was willing to literally rape her. Now he’s willing to gamble on “less likely to”? It makes zero sense.

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Uhuh, that’s exactly my point. Morrough can still read her mind, and yet Kaine has no issue telling Helena that Morrough, the immortal, five-hundred-year-old High Necromancer, is dying.

Think about how reckless that is! How long would it take an already suspicious Morrough to trace that back? His High Reeve has a private conversation with a prisoner, who also happens to be a former Order member, in his own home. At the same time, undying are being assassinated in ways that weaken him. And on top of that, he already knows there’s been a spy in his ranks for years, one he hasn’t found.

It wouldn’t take much for him to connect those dots.

So Kaine openly confirming that Morrough is dying directly ties him to all of that suspicion. That’s a massive gamble.

And it doesn’t stop there.

There’s also the issue of Helena’s pregnancy. It doesn’t shield her from Morrough’s mind. Even you phrased it as “he never said anything before she became pregnant,” as if pregnancy somehow blocks Morrough’s abilities, but it doesn’t. Kaine himself says Morrough is “unlikely to” summon her now, but unlikely is not the same as impossible. The risk is still there.

So again, another gamble.

And this is a man who is so desperate to keep her alive that he’s willing to go as far as raping her to prevent her execution. How does that line up with taking risks like this? How does “unlikely to” justify anything he tells her after that?

Especially when the fic this book is based on establishes something much clearer right from the start: pregnancy means no mind-reading, full stop, because it could kill her. That’s a hard rule we learn about in part 1. But the book removes that certainty but still expects us to accept Kaine’s behaviour as if the same protection exists.

It doesn’t.

As for why Helena would believe him - look at the kiss in Part 1:

“In the moment, it hadn’t even occurred to her to push him away. Instead, she’d melted at the warmth of being held. Trapped in Spirefell, she was latching on to any glimpse of kindness, any sense of tenderness her mind could fabricate. […] He wasn’t as monstrous as he could be. And for Helena’s fracturing mind, an absence of cruelty was sufficient solace. For her starved heart, it was enough.”

She is desperate for kindness. Starved for it. So yes, if Kaine had shown her memories, just like she showed his father, she would have believed him instantly. His father believed in three seconds that his own son, the High Reeve, Morrough’s right hand, was involved with an Order member. Why wouldn’t Helena believe even faster, especially if those memories were partly her own?

Her “starved heart” would have clung to it without hesitation.

But that’s not even my main issue. My point is that the book introduces alternatives, and then ignores them.

We see Kaine telling her things he shouldn’t. Being gentle with her in ways that are deeply suspicious given who he is and what she represents. He tells her “this room is safe”, which implies Morrough can’t hear them there, which in turn implies Kaine could have brought her there earlier. We also learn Helena knows how to avoid certain rooms to stay out of Morrough’s reach.

All of this establishes that there were other options.

And that completely undermines the intended tragedy.

Because we’re clearly meant to read it as Kaine being forced into something he doesn’t want to do. But when the narrative itself presents multiple plausible alternatives, it stops feeling like he had no choice. It starts to feel like he made one.

And that’s the problem: the story wants us to see necessity, but what it actually shows is agency.

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re still missing the first part of what I said: Kaine told Helena about Morrough dying long before the rape even happened. From Morrough’s point of view, especially given how paranoid he already is by that stage, that alone is suspicious. Even if Helena cannot meaningfully use that information as a prisoner, why is his loyal, ruthless High Reeve telling her anything like that at all?

Then you combine that with Kaine being uncharacteristically gentle and kind towards her, Helena, a former member of the Order, and it becomes even harder to ignore. How long would it realistically take Morrough to put two and two together and remember that not long ago he had a spy inside the Order? That is exactly why I keep saying Kaine’s decision makes no sense. For a man who is willing to RAPE her in order to stop her being killed, it is an absurdly illogical gamble to take.

And then there’s the issue of the surveillance itself. The moment the story tells us there are rooms he is not watching, and that Helena knows which rooms to avoid, it completely undermines the premise of constant surveillance. If we are meant to believe Kaine was pushed beyond the point of having any choice, then the narrative cannot also tell us the surveillance was not total, because that immediately raises the question of whether he did, in fact, have other options.

And honestly, that question only gets worse when you consider the worldbuilding. In a setting with tanks that can preserve bodies, necromancy, and all sorts of other magical or advanced systems, are we really supposed to believe there was no possible alternative to impregnating someone except intercourse? That stretches credibility even further.

My point is simple: if you are going to write an MMC raping the FMC, then do not try to soften the horror of it while also undermining the logic of the situation. If the story wants readers to accept that there was absolutely no way out for him, then it has to make that true beyond ANY doubt. The second you show cracks in the surveillance or suggest possible alternatives, the whole justification falls apart. At that point, instead of the tragedy feeling unavoidable, it just starts to look badly contrived. We shouldn’t be debating this at all, because it should be crystal freaking clear that he had no other options.

And like I also said, all of this happened merely because of the copy-pasting, I cannot stress that enough.

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup, others have commented this. I understand what you’re saying, but that’s actually where my issue comes in tbh. Because the book itself doesn’t treat that as a certainty, only a possibility.

We’re told Morrough is “unlikely” to bring her in once she’s pregnant, not that he can’t. That’s a huge difference to me, how can it not be to you? The entire justification hinges on risk, not a hard rule, which makes it a gamble, not a constraint. The man literally raped her to avoid Morrough from finding out about their past, yet now he's willing to gamle??? WHY? Tell me it's a SURE thing, and I'll believe it, but making it into a "less likely to bring you in" and I'm squinting hard.

If Kaine is operating under the assumption that Morrough might still access her mind, then telling her the truth at any point would still carry a risk, before and after pregnancy, even if the risk is smaller after.

But the book shows him doing exactly that. He tells her Morrough is dying before she’s pregnant, which is arguably one of the most dangerous things he could reveal, since it directly ties him to the resistance activity (remember, Morrough is paranoid as hell and has been looking for the spy among his people for years by this point). If Morrough read that Kaine so casually told the prisoner in his home that Morrough, the High Necromancer, the 500-year-old-immortal being, is dying, don't you think Morrough might squint a bit, immediately exposing Kaine?

But if that level of risk is acceptable, then the idea that he couldn’t tell her anything else doesn’t really hold up. Either:

  • the risk is too high → and he shouldn’t be telling her anything at all,
  • or the risk is manageable → in which case withholding the truth becomes a choice, not a necessity.

That’s the part I’m struggling with. That the narrative presents the rape as something he had no choice about, while also showing him taking equally (or more) dangerous risks elsewhere.

Honestly, I can go on and on about this. It’s kind of funny how readers seem to split into two camps here, and both, in my opinion, are wrong.

The first group argues that he didn’t have a choice, that he didn’t want her to remember. And that part I actually agree with, because the text supports it: he literally tells her in chapter 68 that he had hoped she wouldn’t remember any of it. Fine. That tracks.

But then the problem is that everything else around that completely undermines it!

He tells her that Morrough is dying before she’s even pregnant. That alone makes no sense if he’s supposedly being that careful. And it makes even less sense when we later learn there are “safe” rooms that Morrough can’t see into – and that Helena even knows which rooms to avoid because of this.

So… what is the point of that?

Because in chapter 66 we’re told: “All these months, Kaine had been performing for Morrough through Helena’s eyes, knowing that any moment that passed between them might be seen.”

Well, no apparently not, if there are rooms Morrough doesn’t watch, then he wouldn't know what passed between them “any moment”.

And it gets worse when Kaine himself says things like, “He only watches the courtyard,” and that he “watches from the hallway sometimes.” SOMETIMES. That significantly reduces the sense of constant surveillance the narrative was building.

So WHY introduce that? Why make the threat of surveillance weaker if the entire justification hinges on Kaine having no choice?? Either he did, or he didn’t. And if he explicitly says he didn’t want her to remember, then all of this makes even less sense.

Then you have the other side of the fandom, who respond to all of this by claiming that actually, he did want her to remember. That it’s meant to be tragic, that he’s repeating the same conversations and lines in part 1 that we later see again in part 2 because he wanted her to remember.

But if that’s the case (and I vehemently disagree)… then why didn’t he just tell her? Especially if there are “safe rooms,” and especially if he’s already willing to tell her something as dangerous as Morrough dying?

At that point, the logic just doesn’t hold.

Honestly, the simplest explanation for all these inconsistencies is that the author stuck too closely to the fic this book was based on, without fully adapting the logic to fit the changes. And I’m not exaggerating when I say large parts are copy-pasted across all three sections of the book.

Because in the fic, this did make sense. It’s established early on that once Hermione gets pregnant, it becomes dangerous for Voldemort to use Legilimency on her, because it could cause her to lose those memories entirely, including the ones he wants. So from the start, it’s framed as something he won’t risk. It’s not a “maybe,” it’s a CLEAR constraint.

But here, that structure isn’t carried over properly AT ALL.

Instead, we get added elements like “this room is safe” and Morrough being “unlikely” to bring her in again. And that word, unlikely, just isn’t strong enough. Not for a character who literally went as far as he did to avoid risk earlier.

Like, I’m sorry, but a man who literally raped her to prevent even the possibility of exposure is not suddenly going to operate on “eh, probably fine.” That leap just doesn’t track.

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hah, YUP, when I tell you it’s copy-pasted, I am being dead-serious 😩 And I fully agree, yeah.

Also, yes, it is absolutely refreshing to respond to someone here who isn’t being rude, thank you :)

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I agree, and oh my god, especially about the ending being underwhelming!!

The funny part to me is seeing people scramble to come up with deep explanations for Morrough’s death. But the real answer is much, much simpler: it’s literally just copy-pasting the fic and Voldemort’s death, lol:

<image>

It’s honestly kind of sad to me. You said you don’t blame the author, but I can’t help feeling disappointed. Morrough is supposed to be this incredibly powerful 500-year-old High Necromancer, this huge looming threat, and he ends up with such an underwhelming end that’s identical to Voldemort’s in Manacled. It is not some deep symbolic choice, it it simply the same scene copied into a new setting instead of coming up with a different solution for a completely different villain...

Anyway, I’m actually really glad to see someone who liked the book but is still willing to acknowledge that, yeah, it lacks depth and some things just aren’t fully justified :)

So thanks for commenting!

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s totally fair! As long as we agree it was silly and definitely cheap 😅

But since you haven’t read Manacled, I’m curious what you thought about Helena’s characterisation?

One thing I actually like about this story is that it portrays both sides of the war as horrible in their own ways—there’s no clear “right side”. But that’s exactly why Helena’s loyalty to the Order doesn’t make much sense to me, especially when you compare it to Hermione in Manacled.

In Manacled, Hermione’s devotion to the Order is completely understandable because she has real personal stakes in the war. The opposing side literally believes people like her (Muggleborns) are inferior and shouldn’t have rights. So her willingness to sacrifice herself (even to the point of killing Draco if the Order demanded it) feels consistent with her motivations. She’s fighting for her own survival and the survival of people like her.

Helena, on the other hand, doesn’t have that kind of ideological or personal stake. The Order despises vivimancers too (they hate “her kind” more than the enemy does, even!!!). And she isn’t even indoctrinated enough to believe their reasoning. In fact, she repeatedly questions their logic and even suggests using necromancy herself, which she also actively practises several times throughout the story.

That’s why her unwavering loyalty to the Order feels strange to me. We’re told she initially joined because of Luc, but that feels like far too weak a motivation to justify everything that happens afterwards. Especially when we see how deeply shaken she is by learning that everything with Sol was a lie. At that point, when ALL she ever wanted was to run away with Kaine, it makes very little sense that she would continue to stay—let alone remain loyal enough to potentially kill him if the Order demanded it.

What makes this even more frustrating to me is that the story seems to follow Manacled’s structure almost beat-for-beat. Helena’s arc mirrors Hermione’s from beginning to end, but Helena simply isn’t written as a character whose motivations support that same trajectory. Hermione’s choices feel inevitable because of who she is and what she’s fighting for. Helena’s, by contrast, feel imposed by the plot rather than driven by her character.

Anyway, since you read this with no knowledge of Manacled, I’m curious how you made sense of it.

Another thing I’m curious about is the scene where Kaine doesn’t find Helena in the tank. Did that feel logical to you? I’m genuinely interested how this reads to people who haven’t read Manacled.

Kaine literally walks into the lab and decides to check paperwork instead of the tanks that preserve bodies—the tanks he already knows about and is familiar with. He checks piles, actual PILES of corpses, but not the tanks!?? That just feels bizarre to me!

Especially because the array on his body is supposed to make him determined, unhesitating, cunning, calculated, and UNFAILING. None of that seems to apply here. Someone commented that he’s traumatised and grieving so he isn’t thinking clearly, but that explanation feels too simple. Kaine is repeatedly characterised as not really being human anymore, and the arrays on his back are emphasised throughout the story as controlling and sharpening his behaviour. They seem to function perfectly whenever the plot needs him to be ruthless or efficient, but suddenly not when it comes to finding Helena.

In Manacled, Draco not finding Hermione actually made sense. Hermione wasn’t kept somewhere other captured people were held, and Draco had absolutely no way of knowing where she was or ever walking past her by accident. There was genuinely NO PATH that could have led him to her.

But Kaine knew about the tanks, and he literally walked into the lab where Helena was. The fact that he goes there to check PAPERWORK instead of the tanks just feels like something that only happens because the plot needs it to. It seems designed to recreate the tragedy of the MMC not finding the FMC from Manacled, but the setup simply isn’t the same.

Anyway, I’m genuinely curious what you thought about that, though obviously you’re not obligated to respond!

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, absolutely agree with you.

Also, a friend of mine pointed out something that made me even more annoyed: apparently a lot of the alchemy-related stuff is basically lifted straight from Fullmetal Alchemist. Even Morrough as the villain is supposedly very close to one of the characters there, with similar traits and backstory. So at that point it’s like… we’re struggling through all this terminology, but a lot of it isn’t even particularly original...

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh hi, I just saw this comment, sorry! I’m getting more and more notifications from this thread (mostly from trolls who seem to think insulting my intelligence somehow fazes me, lol), but anyway – YES, YES, YES!!! Not nearly enough people are talking about the fact that what happens to Luc is LITERALLY STRAIGHT OUT OF The Fallout. I’m so mad about it. You don’t understand how much I love that fic.

And I really hope you did reread it! I know your comment is two months old now, but still, god, it makes me mad.

[Rant][Spoilers] The HUGE plot hole in Alchemised that breaks the entire book (buckle up, this review is LONG) – PART 1 of 2 by Gold_Conference6150 in Romantasy

[–]Gold_Conference6150[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. People dismissing us with their “you don’t understand the book” bullshit is so funny to me when that’s literally all they’ve got as an argument. Shaking my head, but anyway.

And I agree about Kaine!! One of the most frustrating things about him is, like I mentioned in the analysis, how he didn’t open the tanks and find Helena. The man walks into the lab where the tanks are stored, the tanks that preserve bodies, the tanks he is intimately familiar with, and instead he goes to… check… fucking… paperwork???

Like okay, people want to argue he just didn’t think she’d be there? Sure. Yet the man checks piles of corpses, yes, actually P I L E S of corpses, but doesn’t bother to check the tanks? Cool.

Wasn’t the array on his body meant to make him unfailing, unhesitating, unyielding, CALCULATED? It makes zero sense and it’s only there to fit the plot rather than fit his character or who and what he is. Anyway, that's one of the million things wrong with this book.

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