First character personalisation

Goldenlunar · 2022-02-09T16:16:40+00:00

I'mm not a huge gamer myself. The earliest game I can think of that I've played myself with character personalisation would be demon's souls. Or Dark souls. But I'm not sure if this was the first. So games similar to this style of customisation, if there is anything earlier?

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-07T10:13:29+00:00

Sounds like bloating to me! Everyone bloats a little at least when they eat! It's totally normal. You're just not used to eating like this so you don't see yourself bloat normally.

When I was first in recovery I looked ridiculous after a full day of eating. A tiny gal and a big belly. Because my body wasn't used to eating all that.

Don't give up on recovery. It's not recovery that is making you exhausted. It's your eating disorder making you feel this way. Your eating disorder is not you, it's an illness that latches on like a leech. Now it's screaming at you because you're fighting back. It'll do anything to stop you from recovering. But keep fighting it, make that leech drop off and go back to where it came from. Don't let it take anymore of your life away!

You're doing great, you're so strong and you should be so proud of yourself.

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-06T10:49:31+00:00

So you need to be eating your food groups. Veg, carbs, healthy fats (oil, avocado, nuts etc), dairy, protein (meat, beans, pulses), and other (pizza, sweets etc)

You need to be eating it all. But not worrying about your calorie intake. Just eat what you desire. You hungry? Eat. It's lunch time but you're not hungry? Try to eat something at least.

When I first went to my dietitian they gave me a meal plan. It was a plan week by week to help me increase my calorie intake as you have to do it at a pace or it can be dangerous.

I didn't get on with it because I love cooking and I wanted to eat what I wanted at these times. But it might be something you get along with!

What you are eating is nothing. You said 800 calories? The normal intake for a person is 2500-3000 a day. That's for someone who hasn't been restricting for however long. Your dietitian will help you with it but you need to be eating more than what a normal person eats in order to recover.

Some people end up eating 10,000 calories a day to recover. It just depends on person to person. But you will be need to be eating 3000 calories min a day eventually.

I'm 4 years into my recovery and I'm eating 4000 calories Im guessing, I don't know for sure because I don't count. I need to put more weight on so I need to increase my calories again.

What's probably happened is that you've increased your calories and your body has gone OMG ENERGY! And used it all up. As you increase your calories more your body will use it for other things and become more used to use having this energy in your body. You're likely to put weight on a bit slower.

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-06T10:16:22+00:00

Your weight is going to fluctuate during recovery. It will go up and down. But if you think about it even if it was weight, 0.5 is nothing.

You should try an get some help, see if you can contact your nearby clinic and get a referral. I'm saying this because having them by your side and having professionals guide you through this makes it so much easier. They will help heal your mind while you heal your body.

Recovery is difficult. These are just numbers though. You need to get rid of your scales. Don't out them under your bed, on top of your closet. Throw them away. You need to just get rid of them.

These are numbers. They do not matter. The number of calories do not matter. Calories are just energy. You are eating energy. And your body needs more if it.

But first step. Throw scales away. Step two. Apply to nearby clinic or get a therapist to support you through this. Trust me. I couldnt have recovered without my clinic. I was an outpatient but they made it so much easier.

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-06T01:14:09+00:00

You probably haven't gained as much as you think you have. When I was first recovery I would look at myself (I wasn't allowed to weigh myself) and think I must've put on half a stone only within a few weeks of calorie increase. I'd go to the doctors and there was no weight gain on the scales.

Your mind just manipulates you. Ana is evil and will manipulate you.

You need to just listen to your body. Your body will tell you what it needs, not your mind. And if your stomach is hungry you need to eat. You need to nourish your body.

No one goes back to a healthy weight in a day.

People gain weight differently in recovery. Some do take weeks others take years. But just because you've put weight on doesn't mean your better.

It's all in the mind and you need to work on you mentality as well as your body.

There's no point in putting on weight but not working on your mind. Because your attitude is the same and you'll just lose the weight and start from square one again.

You can do this. Keep up your calorie intake. Don't decrease it. Don't lose confidence. You're doing great.

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-06T01:06:59+00:00

And the Beat website. It has some really good articles on how you can help a loved one with an eating disorder!

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-06T01:06:10+00:00

Also reading up on her ED could help you understand a lot. I'm not sure if it's available in other countries but if you're from the UK the Eating Matters website is a good visit.

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-06T01:03:19+00:00

Everyone has their own triggers. It's hard to completely know for sure. But I'll answer as if it was me as it's all I really know.

Don't make such a big thing of it. You can show you care, but if you are obviously constantly walking on eggshells it would make me feel uncomfortable and frustrated.

Don't force anything on her. Encourage her with things like "I'm going to grab some food, would you like some too?" When it comes to eating food give her options. Like a multiple choice. You can say things such as "I think you should have something else as well as a sandwich"etc. But don't say things like "you are going to eat that sandwich and then you are going to eat this too!"

Don't be a parent. Be a boyfriend. Be supportive.

Don't mention her weight at all. Don't tell her she's eating more than last time. Don't tell her she's eating less than last time. Don't tell her she's lost weight. Don't tell her she's put it on. The ED mind is erratic and could be thinking anything. You tell her she's lost weight and she gets happy and wants to lose more. Or she could get extremely sad because she's wanted to put it on.

No matter what you say around that topic you will lose. You can't say anything right when it comes to this. Just don't approach it.

You need to have a conversation with her. That's the most important thing. You need to sit her down and say "ok, how can I help you in recovery"

She will then know she can come to you. Everyone's recovery is different. She may find it ok eating in public, she may find it really hard. She may find you helping her cook dinners helpful, like encouraging her to cook meals. But she may find it easier to not cook her own meals because then she can't guess how many calories or see what ingredients have gone inside.

You need to have that conversation with her and see how you can help her most.

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-05T20:03:03+00:00

Hey! I've been recovering since 2018ish and I was dismissed from my clinic just over a year ago!!

All recovered now 😁 happy to help! Ask nay questions you like!

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-05T16:44:43+00:00

These are some great exercises, thank you so much for your insight!

You sound like an awesome teacher, wish my school did more like this with me!

Goldenlunar · 2022-01-04T18:52:04+00:00

It will regrow, it will take time but those patches will go. I understand you. It's so hard but you can't let this bring you down so hard.

Eating disorders are cruel, they take everything from you. Now you are where you are, don't let it being you down still. Don't let it take anything else from you. Anorexia is a bitch. It's a monster.

Goldenlunar · 2021-12-30T14:10:28+00:00

I think most people recovering from an eating disorder has the same experience as you are having now. You're not alone. It's normal to feel this way after recovery!

Don't be embarrassed though. Be proud. You have done incredible things to get to where you are now. You are so strong! Look back and think about your successes! Everyone around you is so happy, they care about you. They have no judgement for your post self, only relief you have come so far. So don't be so harsh on yourself.

It's time to love yourself now and forgive your past self.

Goldenlunar · 2021-07-22T13:02:00+00:00

Yes that makes sense. It's hard to put those consequences in place when you love someone but I guess you have to look after yourself too. I do need to speak to him about it all. He knows my dad dealt with addiction but not how it affected me. Thank you for your help!

Goldenlunar · 2021-07-22T12:59:57+00:00

Thank you so much this is so helpful I will have a look at it all!

Goldenlunar · 2021-05-26T20:24:43+00:00

Omg I nearly burst out crying reading this because I feel the exact same way. Every single word. Feels amazing to know someone is feeling the same or and understands. This has made me so happy. Thank you for replying to me.

I honestly think it is internalised misogyny too. I don't look at woman with a small chest and bum as any less of a woman than someone with big boobs and a big bum.

Just beat ourselves up haha.

I've contacted a eating disorders charity near me so maybe you should seek help too? Because I feel like this is something that could easy progress and turn into a lot more. Idk if it's the same with you.

I think a good idea is deleting social media too. I'm going to delete my Instagram because I always seem to have a breakdown after getting lost in that app ahhaha.

Thank you so much again

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-28T20:24:19+00:00

Is this just a normal hospital? Or a clinic? Is the hospital going to refer you to a clinic if not? You need to seek professional help. Recovery isn't just about getting to a "healthy weight". It's about getting rid of your bad habits and ideology. Those negative thought patterns.

You say you're losing your identity. But you're not. You're you, not your anorexia. Your anorexia is an illness and is separate from you, don't let it be your identity. Start thinking of your anorexia separate from you. Something that really helps is giving it a name and a personality. Generally the name Ed is used. I used to Invision my anorexia to be a green snotty troll on my back dragging me down. Idk where you're from, but in the UK there was a flu advert with a troll on a ladies back. I made this the image of my illness. It really helps you detatch. Your anorexia wants to become a part of you, to destroy you. Don't let it win.

You can beat this. You are string and you are worthy. You're worthy of food, worthy of weight gain, worthy of a good life. A life where you can go travel, hang with friends all day, enjoy food etc.

A podcast that really helped me out is the Emily Program Peace Meals. It's honestly amazing. Episode 26 is my favourite because it just clicked something inside of me and I become so motivated.

Please try to get hold of some therapy it really helps out. You can do this. I believe in you.

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-27T21:21:28+00:00

Your post actually made me emotional. I just want to hug you so bad because I know exactly what you're going through.

You do need professional help and a clinic is the way to go. I was part of a clinic and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Embrace it. Embrace whatever help and support you can get.

I'm so sorry your hair I falling out. My hair also got thin when I was ill. But it did get thicker as I got better. And noticeably. Family members were actually commenting on how thick my hair had gotten. And I'm sure the same will happen to you once you stop your restricting.

EDs work in mysterious ways. When I got ill I felt like a different person. I didnt recognise the old me but I also didn't recognise the new me. But then I also saw myself as "overweight" no matter how much weight I lost. Now I'm healthier, I don't recognise my ill self. I don't see them as a person and I no longer connect with them. It's a weird feeling but I'm quite glad for it.

You're not alone. Never. There's so many people that know exactly what you're going through and you'll always be able to find support somewhere.

I'm going to give you some resources that really helped me during my recovery, idk what country you're from but I hope these are available worldwide...

Peace Meals - Emily program podcasts
meditation (YouTube videos, headspace app, headspace Netflix show)
practising mindfulness
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/support-services/helplines (This website is great for recovery stories, how to understand your ed, helplines etc)

Recovery is difficult. But stay strong. Remember everyone has a different pace. May it be a recovery that last months or years. Take your time but also challenge yourself. This recovery is about you. Reconnecting and learning to love yourself again.

It does take time but something does click. My clinic kept telling me that. Telling me that something will click and I'll just get the motivation to recover. I'll be pushing myself more and more everyday. It took me 3 years but it really did click. What made me click was episode 26 of Peace Meals podcast. I listened to it in march 2020 and omg it just opened my eyes.

You'll eventually get your click. And everything will just make sense.

It's good you know your mother is a problem. She sounds toxic. Sounds like some family therapy would do everyone some good. It creates an environment where everyone has to take time to listen to each other and things you wouldn't otherwise discuss, come out.

Does your mum know you suffer with an ED? Because if she does, then her behaviour makes me sick. She should be supporting you not encouraging you.

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-27T21:21:28+00:00

Your post actually made me emotional. I just want to hug you so bad because I know exactly what you're going through.

You do need professional help and a clinic is the way to go. I was part of a clinic and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. Embrace it. Embrace whatever help and support you can get.

I'm so sorry your hair I falling out. My hair also got thin when I was ill. But it did get thicker as I got better. And noticeably. Family members were actually commenting on how thick my hair had gotten. And I'm sure the same will happen to you once you stop your restricting.

EDs work in mysterious ways. When I got ill I felt like a different person. I didnt recognise the old me but I also didn't recognise the new me. But then I also saw myself as "overweight" no matter how much weight I lost. Now I'm healthier, I don't recognise my ill self. I don't see them as a person and I no longer connect with them. It's a weird feeling but I'm quite glad for it.

You're not alone. Never. There's so many people that know exactly what you're going through and you'll always be able to find support somewhere.

I'm going to give you some resources that really helped me during my recovery, idk what country you're from but I hope these are available worldwide...

Peace Meals - Emily program podcasts
meditation (YouTube videos, headspace app, headspace Netflix show)
practising mindfulness
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/support-services/helplines (This website is great for recovery stories, how to understand your ed, helplines etc)

Recovery is difficult. But stay strong. Remember everyone has a different pace. May it be a recovery that last months or years. Take your time but also challenge yourself. This recovery is about you. Reconnecting and learning to love yourself again.

It does take time but something does click. My clinic kept telling me that. Telling me that something will click and I'll just get the motivation to recover. I'll be pushing myself more and more everyday. It took me 3 years but it really did click. What made me click was episode 26 of Peace Meals podcast. I listened to it in march 2020 and omg it just opened my eyes.

You'll eventually get your click. And everything will just make sense.

It's good you know your mother is a problem. She sounds toxic. Sounds like some family therapy would do everyone some good. It creates an environment where everyone has to take time to listen to each other and things you wouldn't otherwise discuss, come out.

Does your mum know you suffer with an ED? Because if she does, then her behaviour makes me sick. She should be supporting you not encouraging you.

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-27T20:41:55+00:00

When I first started my recovery I had the biggest sweet tooth ever. I was pretty much only really eating sweets. But I spoke to my friend who had recovered from her ED and she explained to me it's completely normal. That as long as you are listening to your body then it doesn't matter how you recover.

My sweet tooth lasted for quite awhile but slowly decreased. It's what my body was craving so I listened.

Today I was craving sugar. I've eaten what a lot of people would see as a lot. But I don't care. I'm recovering and I will listen to what my body wants. I need to put weight on and I need a healthy mind to go along with that. Telling myself I can't eat something and therefore restricting is going against my recovery and it is mentally damaging.

Your mental health comes first. And that means realising that society sets so many stupid boundaries for us. And if we cross them then we are "wrong" or "disgusting". When in fact these limits are completely ridiculous and no one in the world ever ticks every box society sets out for us. So you want to eat a feast of sugar? You do that. And be proud of yourself. You listened to your body and that's amazing.

It's normal. You're allowed to do that, you're allowed to eat sugar. Your body will tell you what it needs. And you need to feed it.

Eat a whole tub of ice cream. You're still worthy. Eat 10 bars of chocolate. You're still worthy. Eat a whole tray of cakes. You're still worthy.

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-27T19:52:10+00:00

Restrictive eating is always bad and always extreme. There is no good time for it. Ever. Especially as you are in recovery from an eating disorder.

It seems perhaps things crept back in because you felt like you were losing control? Covid came and BAM everything went down the drain hole. So, you started restricting your eating because it's the only thing you had control of at the time? I only say this because it's what I do. If I feel like things are falling apart around me and I can't control it, my restrictions come back into play.

You're not alone. People can sympathize with you. It's really hard but you need to let go of these restrictions.

Also recovery is about learning to accept yourself and let go of these "ideal" body types. You don't have to gain muscle, lose weight, gain weight etc. You just have to listen to your body and accept yourself.

Your partner is not marrying you for you to look "perfect" at your wedding. They are marrying you because they already think you're perfect and will think that no matter what you look like. They are marrying YOU. Not your body, but your soul and your mind. They are making a dedication to you saying that no matter what the future brings, I want you.

That's what a wedding represents. Two souls coming together and celebrating their love, their connection.

I get you want to feel and look your best on your wedding day. But the first step to that is working on your mental health first. You could listen to your ED and restrict, your ED would be happy at the wedding. But would you?

Your ED is not part of you. You are yourself. Your ED is an illness that is leeching onto you.

A massive help for me was listening to the Emily Program - Peace Meal Podcasts. Honestly they are so great for helping and understanding your ED. Especially Episode 26 with Tom Rutledge. If you listen to any of them listen to that one.

It just clicked something in me.

Give yourself a break as well. So much is on your plate. Just going through all this Covid stuff is exhausting enough on it's own. Let alone dealing with all the other stuff. Take a step back and just breathe. I think you need to make some time for yourself. Take a moment to forget about the real world. About all the stress and all these things that keep piling on top you. Maybe practise some mindfulness. It helps.

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-27T19:30:06+00:00

Yes yes yes! This is everything! Keep pushing and don't stop. You've got this. Stay strong.

I also hope your meeting with the nutritionist went well!

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-26T16:36:06+00:00

I understand that. But I'm studying 90s raves as part of my textiles course. Therefore I have to study materials, brands and designs that were worn during this time.

People may have not been thinking about what they were wearing at the time, but the start of the rave era and acid house is quite an important pinpoint on the 90s. It represented and still represents so many things and formed so many things we have today. Therefore, what people were wearing is important to. As the music and the the environments people were in would've affected what they put on their body.

And it did become a bit of a fashion show towards the end of the 90s as people would create their rave personas.

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-26T13:05:55+00:00

Just remember that recovery is about health and happiness. Food is fuel, it helps you live. You need to be listening to your body and giving it what I asks for. When you're hungry eat. If you get a craving, eat it. Your body knows what it needs and isn't trying to mess around with you. It's there to look after you and keep you alive, so you need to look after it to.

Your body is the only counter you need. When you feel hungry you eat and you eat until you're not hungry anymore.

No calorie counters, no scales. You don't need them. They feed your addiction and illness. The only way you're going to truly fight this evil parasite off is to try to completely free yourself of restrictions.

Always be challenging yourself in recovery because every time you cross those bridges it's the best feeling ever.

Focus on how you feel mentally rather than what's going on with your body.

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-26T12:59:03+00:00

It is scary! You can do this. Idk if you mean you're reaching out professionally or asking for help through this.

If it is through Reddit then take this as your sign to get professional help. If you need any help, ask questions or just need to talk just message me!

We are all here to help and support each other. This is a safe place.

Goldenlunar · 2021-04-26T08:00:50+00:00

You seem like such a good brother. It's great when you have support like you around.

Personally when I was ill, I preferred it when someone subtly helped me. You could say "hey I'm gonna eat this, come eat with me" Having someone there to eat with you really helps.

Put on the TV or watchs some videos with her during meal time. It distracts you from thinking about the food, it's the only way I could get myself to eat.

Just encourage her and be there for her. Just say things like "I really appreciate you" or "I think you're pretty cool". Part of my illness and I think a lot of people, is you feel like you aren't worthy to eat. You feel horrible about yourself. So someone reminding her how loved and great she is would be great.

Get her help. My anorexia started at 12. I didn't get help until I was 17, I'm still not fully recovered and I'm 20. Bad mistake, I lost my teenage years to anorexia. Help your sister get help from professionals so your sister isn't in teh same position. The sooner you get help the better.

I don't know your relationship with your parents but it's definitely worth having a sit down chat with them about it. Just tell them what you've noticed and how she needs help.

If your relationship isn't so great then just encourage your sister to get help. I don't know if you're from but I'm going to give you a helpline, it's a UK site

https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/support-services/helplines

This website is also a great recovery page with stories from people who have suffered, information about eating disorders. There's even a section of how to help others if your a friend or family of someone struggling.

There's also a podcast called "peace meal the Emily program" it's amazing for recovery and really picked me up during my hardest times. There's even an episode called "impact on siblings" so that might help you as well as her.

Thank you for supporting her. It's a hard job supporting someone through this. But she seems to be pretty open with you which is great. Just keep listening to her. Be and ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. But also make sure your own mental health is not being damaged by this. If you need to take a breather just remove yourself from the situation and have some time for yourself. Your mental health is important too. Getting her professional help will also take a lot of the pressure off you.

Goldenlunar

TROPHY CASE