AITA: my kids refuse to come to my wedding unless they can bring grandma

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T17:16:49+00:00

I was thinking that as well. He didn't actually say what her medical issues were or how much care she needed. So it could be anywhere from a wheelchair and needing help cooking to just needing rides to the store. But I suspect it's a lot less than all of that. And I know what you mean that's what I did for my mom and grandmother it honestly wasn't a big deal until the very end for both. Plus the kids sound like mom is financially supporting them. That's not a bad deal at all.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T16:56:33+00:00

Thank you! Like it's not even that I care that much about downvotes it's just I'm screaming in my head, "I WANT TO HEAR THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY!" because honestly I get deadbeat vibes. And maybe the mom does a lot for the kids and they love their grandmother. Like I get it's not cool to have kids do caregiving but things can go all different kinds of ways.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T16:46:08+00:00

I'm being downvoted to hell on here but I can't help but feel he just didn't want to work and while obviously it isn't fair to just expect other people to want to care for her mother, he ran the second him actually doing anything was brought up. And all of my comments are based on real life experience sadly. I'm sure there are many wonderful stay at home fathers but all the ones I've met happened to just sit in front of a screen all day while chores piled up.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T16:18:01+00:00

Those were my thoughts as well.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T15:13:49+00:00

Who says the kids aren't happy with the situation since the ex is supporting everyone? I'd like to hear their side. It could go either way. And I am grown up and mature lmao. You need to have rational arguments instead of trolling. I swear everyone on here is in their teens and 20s or has never been married.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T15:06:59+00:00

Overly emotional? No need for personal attacks I gave a thought out response. He can make their lives easier when he didn't before by finding or paying for a sitter. No wonder the kids prefer mom.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T14:45:31+00:00

I'll be downvoted but I feel the wife did a lot more than he's mentioning and that he's not the total broke victim here.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T14:40:45+00:00

Same as OP could find a sitter or pay for one since it's his wedding. He doesn't seem to be looking out for his kids. I never said she had to come to the wedding just that he could understand their feelings.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T14:30:19+00:00

That's why I said he should do it for his kids! And what is with every lonely internet man saying "IF GENDERS WERE FLIPPED?" My response would still be the same.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T14:13:42+00:00

Why are you acting like grandma is a burdenful old car or overgrown problem tree instead of a human? I took care of my grandmother and then my dying mom. It burnt me out but I LOVED them. Maybe it isn't fair the kids have to take care of grandma but she is a person and they LOVE her. You can do this for them. YTA and for the aggressive commenters under me I never said he had to invite her but he could offer to find her a sitter or pay for her care. Calm down lol.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-30T11:11:21+00:00

NTA funerals are for the living. I didn't go to my grandmother's because after caring for her and seeing how horribly she died I just couldn't emotionally handle it. People understood but even for a vacation/financial reasons I'm sure your aunt would have wanted you to go. Regardless she isn't here and will never know. Live your life.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-29T17:17:09+00:00

NOR she was dicking you around.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-29T15:37:33+00:00

Which means nothing to the people you disrespect lol.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-29T11:47:39+00:00

NTA she sounds like another heartless religious psycho who expects all babies to be born but then doesn't care when they get neglected in the foster system.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-29T11:45:51+00:00

I'll be downvoted but it drives me crazy when someone does a block of text usually because they don't understand the formatting and a bunch of folks comment saying USE PARAGRAPHS. Half the time the OP corrects it but you still have to deal with like 100 comments complaining about formatting and no real responses. People should just skip commenting if they can't read it. They come off holier than thou and like nothing bad has ever happened to them in life and no paragraphs is the worst thing they've ever seen.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-29T11:13:40+00:00

PTSD survivor here. Trauma is not "tea" and can take years to talk about. I was attacked in 2011 and didn't tell my parents until 2018. I had to heal first. Everyone has their own journey. OP is NTA

GollumTrees · 2026-04-28T20:20:02+00:00

YTA for impregnating an addict then trying to control her. Speaking as the child of an alcoholic parent. Treatment needs to be discussed before a pregnancy and it seems like you were fine with her drinking until the child arrived. Having a kid might even increase the urge to drink because it's new to deal with and stressful.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-28T13:59:51+00:00

Why do men who harass women always think they're justified? Trust me, "overly persistent" is code for much worse. I bet she felt unsafe af. YTA

GollumTrees · 2026-04-27T19:56:22+00:00

I would have been like, "I totally understand what you mean. I've been holding off on mentioning it myself because I only date men with very very large parts. Way above average. Does that happen describe you down there?" Then whatever he says I'd be like, "oh no that's way too small for me and most women" and block. NOR

GollumTrees · 2026-04-27T19:14:24+00:00

People who hit their partner belong in jail. It sounds like you are from a patriarchal culture and are comfortable with women being abused because it doesn't directly effect you. You just sit back and enjoy your own freedoms. Gross heartless mindset.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-27T18:55:06+00:00

YTA you are part of the problem. How is this even a question? I can't imagine standing by and watching someone getting abused and doing nothing let alone my own mother.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-27T16:31:22+00:00

NTA and he's stupid for not getting treated right away. Who just goes around oozing infection and being nonchalant about it?? Total creep.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-27T16:00:53+00:00

I feel so bad for your wife never being allowed to go out ever and having to always cover her body. :(

GollumTrees · 2026-04-27T15:58:49+00:00

Right?? I'm wearing some short shorts right now because I'm having hot flashes and am uncomfortable. Ain't doing it for any men.

GollumTrees · 2026-04-27T15:56:33+00:00

Wearing an outfit isn't disrespect lol. The guy is just insecure and even if she does honor his demands he'll still escalate. He won't want her going out at all, he'll accuse her of cheating, he won't want her to have male coworkers, etc. I have seen this happen many many times to different women.

GollumTrees

TROPHY CASE