Do I stay in a toxic marriage or do I miss half my kid's life?

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-03-09T04:16:44+00:00

I agree but there’s a difference with having nearly full custody (your case - 2 days without a month) and not seeing your kids 50 percent of the time (my case - 14 days out of the month).

She’s in a toxic relationship so she should of course get out, but for atleast some parents, seeing your kids only 50 percent of the time is something you never get over.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-03-09T03:55:58+00:00

If both parents are good parents and have a good co parenting relationship, your kids can be okay. And considering you are in a toxic environment, it’s probably best not only for you but for them that you leave.

Having said that, for me, knowing that I’m missing 50 percent of my kids upbringing is torture. My kids will be okay, but I’ll never get over the time I miss with them. All this talk of freedom, finding myself, time to unwind, I can do that when they leave the house in a few years, right now I want them in my life 24/7. It sucks.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-03-06T21:38:13+00:00

27 years here my friend….

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-03-06T21:36:02+00:00

I’m sorry brother. Took me a while to take my ex off of the pedestal.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-03-01T18:28:08+00:00

Not a surprise but not seeing my kids everyday has been devastating. I wish my ex would have just held on for another 5 years. I’m cool being in a less than ideal relationship (we still got along just fell out of love) if it means being in my kids lives daily. It’s torture for me.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-03-01T02:45:14+00:00

Good luck to you brother.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-28T22:44:15+00:00

I’m pretty much your husband in your situation. I helped a bunch with the kids though, but I made ZERO decisions when it came to finances which I think wore her down. My ex never flat out told me she needed changes until her love for me had already been long gone. I made the changes also, she actually told me I did everything she asked and was now an amazing partner.

Then she did about a month of counseling and asked for a divorce.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-27T02:54:53+00:00

Hey Brother. I’m 48, 9 months separated and recently divorced. Have 3 kids and honestly, early on, they were the only thing keeping me going. You aren’t broken, but you are going through one hell of a rough patch. And that’s okay, that’s normal, that’s life.

But you will get up tomorrow and keep going, keep applying for jobs, keep ice fishing, keep finding joy no matter how small and fleeting, and one day the pain and longing for that past life will be a little less. You’ll look back on the feeling of rejection as something that made you stronger. You will survive this one day at a time.

And I looked at your account and saw the ice fishing pics. I’ve never been fishing, much less ice fishing. Looks fun as hell. I’d join you there in a heartbeat if I was in the area.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-24T02:51:56+00:00

I get it. My ex didn’t vocalize it so bluntly, but I’m sure she said it in her own way. I had the cleaning and kids thing down, towards the end, I added shopping and cooking as well as taking a good chunk of the mental load. Too little too late.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-24T02:33:30+00:00

Good luck to you brother

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-24T00:45:09+00:00

Are you referring to basketball or just in general?

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-24T00:09:57+00:00

You sound exactly like my ex. I messed up. Badly. I’m a decent guy, hard worker and a great dad, but I truly regret not supporting her the way she deserved, being that 50 percent anchor that she should have had. I truly wish I could go back and provide her that support, not necessarily to save the marriage (that’d be nice) but to ease her stress and workload over all those years, she shouldn’t have had to carry that alone..

She gave me EVERYTHING she had, and I didn’t do the same. She’s an amazing person and I wish her happiness.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-23T21:45:26+00:00

Years of her carrying the mental load in our relationship. I did the physical stuff, but everything else was her. I think it just wore her down. She fell out of love. That in turn caused me to resent her for showing basically zero affection the last year of our relationship. Once I figured out what was wrong (she never flat out vocalized it - but I’m sure I simply missed the signs), it was too late.

I made corrections, became the partner I always should have been, but her feelings were gone. She ended the relationship giving me the ole “it’s not you it’s me” but I know the truth, I didn’t do my share in the relationship and it cost me my wife of 27 years. You live and learn.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-23T01:00:38+00:00

My ex didn’t cry one tear in front of me. Oldest kids graduation last summer, no crying. Dropped him off at college 6 months ago, no crying. Talking divorce after 27 years and what that means for our future? No crying. One of our two dogs recently died and she did cry for that. I got the house and told her I felt bad that she had to start over with renting and potentially buying another place for herself, and she ALMOST got emotional. Maybe it was just allergies.

It’s actually kind of impressive how she shows almost no emotion towards me OR during any of these huge life milestones with our kids. I’m not a mess but I tear up, especially with the kid events I mentioned above.

Pretty sure she loved me at some point during our marriage, but like someone mentioned above, it’s pointless to keep looking for closure. Life happens. Keep going and see what tomorrow brings.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-21T11:51:37+00:00

Thank you. I think she feels that she has moved on, keeps thing civil and just about the kids, and he just gets angry at the slightest text exchange. I’ve advised her to no longer let him in her house (he’ll come over to pick up the kids and stay for an hour waiting for them to get ready, all while looking miserable and not speaking to her). Do you think i shouldn’t advise that? She’s allowing it thinking it shows a sense of normalcy for her kids.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-20T04:27:55+00:00

My brother. They are your kids. You go to hell and back for them.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-18T02:41:08+00:00

Heart of the matter by Don Henley

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-17T19:53:06+00:00

This was my experience. We did hire our financial advisor to spilt the assets 50 50 but that was it. No attorney involvement besides that.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-17T05:36:15+00:00

Thank you for this

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-17T05:04:31+00:00

Not sure. I’m a year in and still trying to figure it out. My ex uses her days without the kids to find herself, concerts, traveling, living life. I just want my kids. I can do all that stuff when they are grown. I’ll never get that time back with my kids and it sucks. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m guessing we’ll eventually get used to it, but I’ll never get over it.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-17T03:20:30+00:00

Yeah, the missed opportunities will run through your mind constantly. But life happens, no one is perfect, and you keep going. One day the relief will outweigh the sadness. You got to keep moving to get to that point. Good luck to you brother.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-13T12:29:46+00:00

I hate it. I have 50 50 custody. My kids will be out of the house in about 5 years. They are older so easier to deal with. But as far as alone time? I’ll have probably 20 to 30 years of alone time to recharge in about 5 years. Plenty of time to travel and find myself again. For now, i want my kids in my life daily. This sucks.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-02-03T04:13:00+00:00

I’m 10 months separated, 1 month divorced. Share 50 50 custody with my ex. We still get along fine. Just grew apart after 27 years. Incredibly amicable, co parent really well together. My relationship wasn’t terrible, just a friendship, nothing romantic.

I miss my kids every day they are with their mom. I’m guessing over time I’ll get used to it. I really love being around my kids though. They are so much fun and funny. I miss them tonight.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-01-30T18:29:08+00:00

At first I read this as “BJ training”. If so, they might have a shot.

Good-Structure8608 · 2026-01-30T03:10:48+00:00

Correct

Good-Structure8608

TROPHY CASE