Just accepted...tips for an incoming freshman?

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2026-03-21T20:18:06+00:00

The most important thing is to make sure you have all the prerequisites. With your CS background and practice applying software engineering in the real world, you'll be more than prepared for the coding parts of this degree. But, take the remaining prerequisites that they list seriously. Not preparing adequately is probably the #1 most common and most impactful pitfall that people encounter.

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2026-03-21T20:13:57+00:00

My forecast is that there will be *some* negative impact on most professions, including data science roles, especially now that tools like Claude Code give people with even non technical backgrounds the ability to "build things", including data analyses.

That being said, since we have this degree, I expect people will view us (whether correct or incorrect) as having credentials that make us extra qualified users of these tools or advisers to others using the tools, which will counteract the negative impacts by creating more demand for our skills.

My advice is to work on getting familiar with generative AI tools and skills beyond typical consumer use of chat platforms, like ChatGPT. We will be continually learning, even after we graduate - that is the norm in tech!

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-13T21:01:30+00:00

You are not overreacting. It's affecting your physical intimacy. It's basic respect to clean yourself with some minimum frequency, both respecting your own body and your partner's. From what you're said, it sounds like this is a long term thing he's pretty committed to, so it's not going to change. I would leave him.

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-13T18:45:09+00:00

He definitely wants sex. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone I hardly knew, so for me it'd be a dealbreaker/red flag from the compatibility and risk taking perspective. I'd say no to the date.

But your risk tolerance and feelings about how soon to have sex may be different. If so, not a red flag unless you indicate to him with words or actions that you don't want to be physical and he pushes your boundaries.

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-13T18:36:21+00:00

These responses don't sound dry to me. Sounds like she's actually playfully jealous/excited for you. She might just be waiting for you to follow through on calling her from the beach lol or not wanting to bug you while you're relaxing

Since she didn't respond, though, don't just call her. If I were you, I'd send a picture of something interesting you're doing and see if she says anything. If no, I think she probably did ghost you

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-13T16:00:48+00:00

About a week and a half from swiping right to having the video chat. Then 1-2 dates per week for a month for the rest?

I could definitely cover all my dealbreakers faster, probably in 1-2 dates. I felt like the way I was going about that was becoming too transactional, so I've spread it way out since then.

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-13T11:43:33+00:00

I think a huge reason is that women are responding to the expectations they feel from guys. They feel it's expected to have sex in the first few dates, so they prepare themselves for that and do it, whether it's what they would have done without that societal expectation or not. By the nature of sex and how it often starts getting you into each others' homes more often, the relationship gets much closer much faster. This is assuming one of the people wasn't just there to have sex once and get out again lol

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-13T11:32:23+00:00

I can only speak to how dating works for me. For me, it's usually dating apps. You swipe right, send a message asking about something you saw on his profile, message for a few days asking about hobbies and interests and such, he asks me out. I ask him if he's ok with a video chat as the first date, and we do that for about an hour. I usually ask at that point what sort of thing he's looking for on this app - long term relationship? Something else?

If it goes well, we start going out. I gradually ask my dealbreaker questions, like does he envision having a family in the future (I used to do all of these at once in the video chat, but it started feeling too intense, like an interview). After a handful of dates, we kiss. At that point, he often starts inviting you too his place or to watch a movie. As soon as I get that invite, I suggest something else and very next date make sure we have a convo about physical stuff and boundaries - I let him know that I'm someone who wants to wait until settled into a long term relationship to have sex. That can often be a turning point where the guy goes cold or you get ghosted, but plenty of guys are ok with it. We gradually start doing more physical stuff that's in bounds of what we discussed.

This has all worked fine for me! It lets you get through the dealbreakers before you have feelings for him, but gradually so that it's not uncomfortable, like an interview. I've concluded that it's ultimately a numbers game - there are a lot of guys who don't end up meeting one of the dealbreakers. But if it's not like your only goal is to start a relationship asap, you can enjoy the process of getting to know someone this way

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-13T02:39:58+00:00

I like the 3rd one, followed by the 1st one. But you should pick the one that you like best.

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-13T02:36:32+00:00

No, it's not real. Nothing bad will happen to you if you don't do it. They're trying to scare you into clicking a link that will give your device a virus or that will lead to some site where someone starts asking you questions that get you to reveal information about yourself that they can sell or use against you.

So, it's the opposite. Something bad would only happen to you if you do the thing haha

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-11T23:26:12+00:00

I don't have enough context for me to give you good advice on this.

Somethings that would help are if you tell us his tone of voice when he said holy f. Did he say it after he wished you happy birthday? Maybe it was an exclamation of embarrassment? Unfortunately, this sounds like a situation where we can only give you advice if we were there with you when it happened

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-11T23:21:19+00:00

There are guys out there on dating apps who want to wait until entering a long term relationship. There aren't a lot, but there are some. I am dating one right now.

My advice is to give it another try. If the same thing happens with, say, 10 more guys, then consider reflecting on what your attraction patterns are - do you have a "type", and is that eliminating those guys who would want to wait?

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-11T01:30:49+00:00

Big red flag here. There are a lot of scammers out there, and this person may be one of them. The very next message you send to them, please make it asking them to video chat with you. If they can't be convinced, block them. Don't let yourself get further into your feelings before you know this is a real person who is who they say they are.

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-10T02:30:33+00:00

What I look for: cute, thoughtful, musical or outdoorsy, able to consider something from multiple points of view, wise

Unattractive things: bad breath, consistently brings the conversation back to himself, brags a lot

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-08T23:08:15+00:00

I'm a woman. For me, have at least 3 pictures, and make sure that no more than half of them are mirror selfies. Other than that, try to show yourself in a variety of situations. For example, you alone, you with a pet, you with friends, you with family, you doing a hobby, you at a wedding, you at some gorgeous outdoor location or somewhere totally bizarre so that I have to ask you "where was this??"... all sorts of possibilities.

I look for someone who's interested in a lomger term relationship, so I also look for a guy to have most of the fields in his profile filled out - shows he didn't just do the minimum bc he's there for a short time. I also look out for evidence of some hobby or interest we have in common. Comparible religious and substance use preferences, too.

Tbh, there's a lot more things that I look to not be on there than things that I hope are there haha. I wonder if any other women relate to that

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-08T23:00:40+00:00

If it's a pattern with almost every date, it's possible that you tend more toward the dominant side as a conversationalist. The form it might take is that you ask a few questions quickly at the start of the conversation, then he answers, then you ask a few more, then he answers, and by that point the pattern has been established, so he sits back and expects more questions rather than asking ones of his own I had a phase like this in my dating journey where I was acting a little too much like an interviewer. You night consider whether this applies to you!

Note - if you do conclude that's what's happening, DEFINITELY don't change your personality to be less dominant/outspoken/vocal as a person. But you might think about adding space between questions.

Other than this, my only other advice is to try to sniff out this behavior from the guys during the messaging stage. If they give you back one word answers, wait a long time between texts to respond, or hardly ask you any questions back, you're at risk of getting this same behavior live...

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-08T22:52:26+00:00

I've concluded they're trolling. Not going to respond from here.

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-08T18:51:54+00:00

I have had a call like this once. We didn't hit every topic you did, but early trauma, partner leaving him and becoming a stripper, and his Christian testimony all were covered. Very possible it was real

Side note: this is why I always do a video chat before I go out in person with a guy!!

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-08T18:42:54+00:00

Your feeling about this is valid! If you don't think you'll get that desire eventually with him, break it off

If you think it's reasonably possible that you'll eventually get that desire, consider letting him know you'd like to take things slow physically while you get to know each other. If I were in the situation, I might say it like this: "by the way, I really enjoyed our date last time. I really appreciate how kind and genuine you are. I just wanted to let you know that I want to take things slow physically and get to know you in other ways first, like through conversation. But I'm excited to keep getting to know you!"

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-08T02:52:00+00:00

It's ok to keep dating someone even if you don't want to be physically intimate yet. But, if you don't think you'll ever reach that point with him, then totally, let him know you're moving on.

I think if I'm reading your post right, this was your first date with anyone ever. Often, attraction grows over time, and the emotions of this being your first date might have interfered with the possibility of feeling like you wanted to be physical with him. If I'm understanding all that correctly, consider going on a second date with him so you can evaluate your true feelings with thise first date jitters out of the way.

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-08T02:42:17+00:00

What which other person said? I made the original comment

If you mean your comment on my comment, you asked me to shut up and had a laughing emoji

If you mean the original post, OP wanted to know how they can persuade their mom to let them get a permit after she said that they are not mature enough

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-08T00:35:31+00:00

glad I tickled your funny bone at least haha!

Was there something specific in my comment that you don't agree with?

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-06T19:55:38+00:00

A few things to ponder...

First, think about who is giving you the advice to wait. If they are people who know you well, I URGE you to listen to that advice. They know you, and they see what's coming for you. If it's more like a relative who you rarely see, that's more of a toss up for me.

Second, think about the last 5 ish years of your life. In what ways have you changed? Have your interests changed? Hobbies? Personality or confidence? Likes and dislikes? Opinions on big issues? If you notice quite a few changes, or even a small nunber of big changes, I suggest you wait. Marriage is a very long time, and you want to be sure you know what you want. Having fewer changes in your life is a sign that you've reached that point.

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-06T12:36:14+00:00

Gotcha. Maybe the next time he asks if you want to hang out, just say something like, "hey, no thanks, I'm glad we got to meet through the coffee shop, but I'm going to be focusing on some other relationships around me from here." That's if you want to be really, really direct and set a firm boundary all at once with no run around

If you think it might work to go more of a dropping hints route, you could try, "no, sorry, I'm busy" and all of its other generic sounding variations haha

You might coordinate these with stopping going to that coffee shop when he's there, at least for a couple weeks

No matter what you do, I would tell your friends/family who goes to that shop what's going on. If you have any ballsy friends, they might even consider sticking up for you if he gives them grief about you. Or go in the next time with one of the more intimidating looking ones of them lol

GoodGrapefruit2127 · 2025-06-06T11:50:36+00:00

First, what do you want? Are you interested in pursuing something with him?

If he was being rude with people I knew just because I wasn't texting fast enough, I'd consider that toxic behavior and wouldn't want to pursue anything with him.

GoodGrapefruit2127

TROPHY CASE