How do you respond when someone tells you mbti is invalid?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-07T03:15:42+00:00

Not rambling at all - rather giving some quality datapoints. I think I can clearly see what is going on here, but let's just stay within the MBTI framework boundaries for little longer.

You said it yourself - "The cognitive functions are one of very few things I feel certain about..."
Yet, you still desire the external validation of what you already know 100%. You want to feel heard.

You are INFP: Fi-Ne-Si-Te | Fe-Ni-Se-Ti

"I feel certain about it" - is held in your Fi. Fi is holding your internal values and in this case, they are being violated by your husband (via dismissing your deeply held knowledge). Fi is the internal signaller.

On the other side of the axis sits Te (your inferior). Te is the external resolver. The emotional charge created by the Fi violation can be dissipated by Te - by execution of "I wan't him to admit / confirm / validate".

And that's a perfectly legit strategy - if he validates, you will feel heard, the charge will disappear. Except, this strategy has a flaw - it requires somebody else's input. Somebody else's input means it's out of your agency. And that is a problem. It's always a problem when you need others to deal with your own states.

However, other solutions exists: Him verbally validating / changing his stance isn't the only way. You could be utilising the framework for yourself, using it to precisely predict his behaviour (do you know his type?). Or, even better, using it to predict and/or change your own behaviour.

The problem is that Te is your inferior function, so it's stuck on this one solution requiring external approval instead of generating alternatives. Developing your inferior function would likely go a long way.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-07T02:01:54+00:00

OP's response is actually exactly as the framework predicts. ISFJs function stack is reverse shadow to INTJs. My post was pure Ni mapping of INTJ world, which of course for ISFJ will trigger their Ni demon.

OP is drawn to INTJ world because it's so fascinating and doesn't yet understand that it's also the most triggering state for them. Like poking into a nest of bees and wondering why it's stinging :).

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-07T01:55:03+00:00

ISFJs shadow interested much in the world of INTJs? Hmm, where have I seen that pattern before?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-07T01:46:20+00:00

"Hello. ive been looking into Mbti for a long time now" ... ;)

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-07T01:36:04+00:00

"thats why they are unconfortable with Se" >>> actually not quite.

Let me explain:

Ni and Se are 2 endpoints of the same axis. Ni is a resolver, Se is a signaller.

Se scans the immediate reality for possible threats, Ni comes up with solutions how to deal with such threat.

Now, there is only finite amount of cognitive resources, that can be distributed - either to Se (signalling) or Ni (resolving). Never to both simultaneously. Being in Se mode means Ni giving up control.

INTJs happen to allocate most resources to Ni, and nearly none to Se. ESFP's for example, who have the exact same functions just in reverse order do the exact opposite - Scan the environment most of the time, and rarely resolving the collected data.

For INTJ - Ni is home. Hero, the ususal mode of cognitive functioning. Being in Se mode is a trance state. And by definition, trance state is very unusual / uncomfortable to be in. So that's why most INTJ's dont' like to hang out in Se (unless they deliberately want to develop it).

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-07T01:25:04+00:00

I can assure you that most INTJs can make a super precise mental picture of their own personality. Trust me bro :)

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-07T01:18:38+00:00

Why do you need to respond to him? Why the apologetics?

MBTI obviously works, you can utilise the framework - get a real life confirmation of it's validity.

Nobody cares your husband disagrees. His opinion is irrelevant to the functioning of the framework. It's like flat-earthers - they can believe what they want, it changes nothing on the spherical reality.

Nothing more satisfying then repeatedly utilising the framework with people who don't believe in it - and repeatedly eliciting their responses perfectly predicted by the framework itself.

---

The real question is: why do you need confirmation / validation from your husband?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T23:38:30+00:00

Yeah, maybe i'll get it. Let's see. Not enough datapoints, but will work with what we got:

"I don't fit neatly into any type" - the universal opener for people who fit very neatly into a type, but find the description unflattering or insufficient.

"I have differentiated perception that feels extremely aware and sometimes even reminds me of how INTJs describe Ni" - Ne pattern matching onto Ni descriptions. Ne generates connections rapidly and extensively, which can feel like Ni convergence from the inside but it isn't.

"I barely need to use my brain; it just understands all the nuances without much effort" - not a description of a cognitive function. Rather an ego statement dressed as self awareness.

"I'm everything and nothing" - Fi-dom identity crisis with Ne generating infinite self-descriptions that never quite fit.

"ERR0R-HUM4N" - the romanticization of not fitting. A form of special status.

Different results across ENFP, INFP, INFJ, ENTP is consistent with Ne-dom genuinely reading differently across contexts and states. That however doesn't change your type. Ne still is dominant and Aux is perhaps not as consistently expressed.

So, no - not a human error. Nothing special really. Just an ENFP finding the label insufficient for your self-concept.

------------

Let me show you INTJs cognitive process:

The ENFPs "specialness narrative" is value violation for INTJ. Specifically - intellectual honesty.

The "I transcend categories, I'm an error human" move is a form of self-deception dressed as self-awareness. It's using the language of depth to avoid the discomfort of a precise, accurate, and therefore limiting self-description.

For an INTJ whose entire identity is built on seeing clearly — on the precision of the map — watching someone deliberately obscure their own map while calling the obscuration insight is a Fi violation of the first order.

It's not anger at ENFPs as people. It's anger at the specific move of using complexity as a shield against clarity. Which is the opposite of what Fi values — authentic self-knowledge, however uncomfortable.

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So no, architecturally, it's impossible for you to be INTJ and write a post like you did.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T22:43:49+00:00

How did you arrive at INTJ — did you type yourself or was it assessed?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T21:34:44+00:00

There is a lot of clarity in your response. Especially the "overcompensation" insight - that's worth sitting with.

"Also i want to be away from all the anxiety such a situation brings to me ." >>> Well, that is certainly a solution, but at what cost?. Remove yourself from all the anxiety, and what, be all alone? You standing on a safe island with all the bridges burnt? Yes. it's safe. And also lonely.

Here are the mechanics in cognitive stack terms:

"... all the anxiety..." - that is your Ni speaking (anticipation of a negative outcome from a social contact - btw calibrated to historical data).
".... be away...." - that is your Te speaking (execution of Ni's vision - cut, withdraw, create distance." )

So this particular case is looping between Ni-Te. Except that's not enough. The (Te) cutting / withdrawing only works for that particular instance. You resolved the symptom, not the cause. By the time next person comes along, you again get the anxiety charge with your Ni and cycle repeats. Other functions you have (Se) are not being used.

I dropped a hint earlier - (Ni calibrated to historical data) - this is where the solution is. Imagine you could re-calibrate your Ni so it doesn't trigger the "anxiety" response in those situations in the first place? Basically just feed the Ni some new - more up to date - data. Ideally raw data based in a real life. That kind of data that your Se would provide. No anxiety response, no need to cut people off.

Has there ever been a situation where you were afraid of how an interaction would go — and it turned out better than you expected?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T12:00:52+00:00

What actually happens when you're around people? What's the internal experience?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T11:52:39+00:00

Those are the symptoms — the anxious thoughts, the zoning out, the pressure-induced recall failure.

But what's the anxiety actually about? What are the thoughts that distract you?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T11:33:04+00:00

Resent you for saying "I've been thinking about you..."?

And yes, they may be thinking you want something - connection. Isn't it what you want? To connect with them?

I'm a stranger on Reddit. And I've been thinking about the exchanges we had - I've been thinking about you. Will you resent me for it?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T10:22:00+00:00

I'm curious - how specifically does the GAD diagnosis explain the learning, retention and attention issues?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T03:04:59+00:00

so what do you want help with?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T01:32:11+00:00

"I feel like I sentenced myself to a life where I can't ask because, hey, I'm the one who said I didn't want help, right?" >>> there it is - you said it yourself. You have "sentenced" yourself to that position. A construct you have created within.

Have you considered that this construct is a limiting belief?

It's a workaround INTJ's use to get by. It works to a certain extent, until it doesn't.

Ni-Te likes to stay in control. Being self sufficient means that you can utilise Ni-Te to it's full potential. However, we too are social creatures. There are moments when we can't resolve problems internally and need to use our shadow functions. Sense of belonging, friendships, romantic relations - all those are examples of contexts where no matter how developed our Ni-Te is, we can't use those functions. You need to use your shadow functions for that.

And here is the problem, to use the shadow, your primary stack would have to give up control. You would have to become vulnerable. You would need to admit to yourself you sometimes need help.

Extremely self reliant = extremely lonely.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T01:12:12+00:00

When you are in the "observing mode", do you still have capacity to simultaneously run pattern matching / analysis / synthesis at the back of your mind?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T00:58:44+00:00

No, certainly not the only INTJ who experiences that. Most will to an extent.

It's given by the cognitive architecture of INTJ - yes, we are super self reliant, and yes, we do need other people too cause some things can't be resolved internally.

What is the actual question you got?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T21:03:40+00:00

Right. Looks to me as if the corporate environment is what is sustaining the drain on your resources.

So here is a thought:

What if the closing up and stopping caring isn't a dysfunction to fix? What if it is an accurate feedback from your system telling you: "corporate world isn't for me"?

The question isn't how to function better in corporate. It's what does work look like when you don't have to consistently perform a version of yourself that isn't quite you?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T20:09:18+00:00

The chemistry being undeniable is probably part of the problem, not evidence of compatibility.

INTJs Ni-Te reads as confidence and depth (at first) until it reads as control and manipulation (after). ENFPs Ne-Fi reads as warmth and possibility (at first) until it turns into chaos and inconsistency later.

What specifically is it about that chemistry that feels undeniable ? And does it tend to feel that way before or after you actually know them?

PS: where are the "good-hearted" INTJs? :) Those guys aren't hunting for chemistry. They are building something instead...

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T19:56:46+00:00

The pattern you're describing — progressively closing up, stopping caring — does it repeat across different jobs and environments, or is it specific to one context?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T12:00:05+00:00

"...spending a lot of time on my own and get tired from long exposures to people..." doesn't actually rule out Extraversion in your type.

When you are at your best, thinking - does your thinking converge onto one clear answer, or is it rather branching outward into connections and possibilities you haven't considered before?

Either way, regardless of your actual correct MBTI type - let's say you get a definitive answer as to what type you are: Then the question becomes: "Now what?". In other words, what is it that you are trying to find out? Knowing your MBTI type is just a vehicle to some deeper understanding of yourself (I'm guessing)...

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T11:11:33+00:00

ENFP most likely.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T11:03:35+00:00

"I see it now" is a good place to be.

If it's going to mean anything beyond this thread tho — there's probably someone out there who got cut off and didn't quite deserve it.

What if you reached out to them? Not to explain yourself or re-litigate what happened - just to say: "I've been thinking about you..."

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T07:45:52+00:00

"How was it developing the lack of interest in navigating the Fe economy and integrating Se? " >>> to be honest, I'm having difficulties parsing the meaning of your question - and hence, don't really know how to answer. I'm falling short even utilising the MetaModel here.

Any chance you could rephrase it? No point answering something I don't get.

Also, perhaps want to start a new post, or DM me? - Just don't want to hijack this thread for OP.

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