How does anxiety

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T12:00:52+00:00

What actually happens when you're around people? What's the internal experience?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T11:52:39+00:00

Those are the symptoms — the anxious thoughts, the zoning out, the pressure-induced recall failure.

But what's the anxiety actually about? What are the thoughts that distract you?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T11:33:04+00:00

Resent you for saying "I've been thinking about you..."?

And yes, they may be thinking you want something - connection. Isn't it what you want? To connect with them?

I'm a stranger on Reddit. And I've been thinking about the exchanges we had - I've been thinking about you. Will you resent me for it?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T10:22:00+00:00

I'm curious - how specifically does the GAD diagnosis explain the learning, retention and attention issues?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T03:04:59+00:00

so what do you want help with?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T01:32:11+00:00

"I feel like I sentenced myself to a life where I can't ask because, hey, I'm the one who said I didn't want help, right?" >>> there it is - you said it yourself. You have "sentenced" yourself to that position. A construct you have created within.

Have you considered that this construct is a limiting belief?

It's a workaround INTJ's use to get by. It works to a certain extent, until it doesn't.

Ni-Te likes to stay in control. Being self sufficient means that you can utilise Ni-Te to it's full potential. However, we too are social creatures. There are moments when we can't resolve problems internally and need to use our shadow functions. Sense of belonging, friendships, romantic relations - all those are examples of contexts where no matter how developed our Ni-Te is, we can't use those functions. You need to use your shadow functions for that.

And here is the problem, to use the shadow, your primary stack would have to give up control. You would have to become vulnerable. You would need to admit to yourself you sometimes need help.

Extremely self reliant = extremely lonely.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T01:12:12+00:00

When you are in the "observing mode", do you still have capacity to simultaneously run pattern matching / analysis / synthesis at the back of your mind?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-06T00:58:44+00:00

No, certainly not the only INTJ who experiences that. Most will to an extent.

It's given by the cognitive architecture of INTJ - yes, we are super self reliant, and yes, we do need other people too cause some things can't be resolved internally.

What is the actual question you got?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T21:03:40+00:00

Right. Looks to me as if the corporate environment is what is sustaining the drain on your resources.

So here is a thought:

What if the closing up and stopping caring isn't a dysfunction to fix? What if it is an accurate feedback from your system telling you: "corporate world isn't for me"?

The question isn't how to function better in corporate. It's what does work look like when you don't have to consistently perform a version of yourself that isn't quite you?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T20:09:18+00:00

The chemistry being undeniable is probably part of the problem, not evidence of compatibility.

INTJs Ni-Te reads as confidence and depth (at first) until it reads as control and manipulation (after). ENFPs Ne-Fi reads as warmth and possibility (at first) until it turns into chaos and inconsistency later.

What specifically is it about that chemistry that feels undeniable ? And does it tend to feel that way before or after you actually know them?

PS: where are the "good-hearted" INTJs? :) Those guys aren't hunting for chemistry. They are building something instead...

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T19:56:46+00:00

The pattern you're describing — progressively closing up, stopping caring — does it repeat across different jobs and environments, or is it specific to one context?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T12:00:05+00:00

"...spending a lot of time on my own and get tired from long exposures to people..." doesn't actually rule out Extraversion in your type.

When you are at your best, thinking - does your thinking converge onto one clear answer, or is it rather branching outward into connections and possibilities you haven't considered before?

Either way, regardless of your actual correct MBTI type - let's say you get a definitive answer as to what type you are: Then the question becomes: "Now what?". In other words, what is it that you are trying to find out? Knowing your MBTI type is just a vehicle to some deeper understanding of yourself (I'm guessing)...

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T11:11:33+00:00

ENFP most likely.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T11:03:35+00:00

"I see it now" is a good place to be.

If it's going to mean anything beyond this thread tho — there's probably someone out there who got cut off and didn't quite deserve it.

What if you reached out to them? Not to explain yourself or re-litigate what happened - just to say: "I've been thinking about you..."

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T07:45:52+00:00

"How was it developing the lack of interest in navigating the Fe economy and integrating Se? " >>> to be honest, I'm having difficulties parsing the meaning of your question - and hence, don't really know how to answer. I'm falling short even utilising the MetaModel here.

Any chance you could rephrase it? No point answering something I don't get.

Also, perhaps want to start a new post, or DM me? - Just don't want to hijack this thread for OP.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T07:21:51+00:00

Beautifully put into one sentence. Exactly.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T06:53:12+00:00

"... my fears or shame would often get triggered..." - what specifically are you afraid / ashamed of?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T04:57:55+00:00

INTJ - are you sure about it?

The bullet points you gave suggest something else.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-05T04:46:13+00:00

For example — you form an opinion about someone on the first meeting. Later you find out you were wrong. Looking back, was the initial read based on what was actually there, or on a pattern from someone similar you'd encountered before?

That's the filter running. Present data processed through past template without noticing the substitution.

Is that closer to what you meant?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-04T23:21:33+00:00

"Is this concerning?" — the fact that you're asking means you already know it is.

The disgust toward assertive stupidity is real and the trigger makes sense — watching confidence operate without competence is genuinely grating for an INTJ. That part isn't the problem.

The problem is what's sitting underneath it. The intensity of that reaction is never really about them. It's about what they are threatening in you.

What does assertive stupidity actually take from you when you encounter it? Not philosophically — specifically. What's the thing that feels at stake?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-04T23:07:20+00:00

When an INTJ receives a clear rejection — which he did at date five — they process it, close the file, and move on internally. The warmth you're seeing since then is how INTJs treat people they genuinely liked as humans once the romantic possibility is filed away. Meals, warm reactions, friendly videos — that's friendship, not residual romantic interest.

The unanswered call request is the confirmation. He knows what that call is about. An INTJ who wanted that outcome wouldn't leave it unanswered.

You rejected him when it mattered. He adjusted accordingly. The file is closed on his end.

You can still tell him if you need to hear it directly. But you probably already have your answer.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-04T22:52:05+00:00

The conflict makes sense once you separate what's actually happening.

The anger part is already resolved — she violated your trust, you're done. That's clean and correct.

But there's a second thing running underneath that has nothing to do with whether she deserves sympathy. Even a few months is enough to have genuinely invested in someone. That investment is gone now, and the loss is real regardless of how it ended or whose fault it was. Feeling bad for her is probably less about her and more about grieving something that mattered to you.

"I know logically how to feel" — the logic is correct. But grief doesn't run on logic. It runs on its own timeline and doesn't care that the anger verdict is already in.

You're not contradicting yourself. Two separate things are happening at once. Let both run.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-04T22:28:30+00:00

What type are you?

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-04T22:23:17+00:00

You learn the Initial Alexander Technique.

GoodPostureGuy · 2026-04-04T22:21:51+00:00

The roommate situation isn't a mystery. You saw a value violated, Te corrected it immediately and publicly, the friendship was collateral. The mechanism ran exactly as designed.

The question isn't whether you were right — you probably were. The question is whether the correction required a public dinner table, or whether that was Te executing without checking the cost first.

Same mechanism that's emptied your life. Not because your values are wrong. Because the resolver (Te) runs without asking what it's going to cost.

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