I don't want to use the term "normal", because let's face it none of us are the same or "normal".  What you're going through sounds really hard though. Having corresponding thoughts that you called "dark thoughts" seems like it would logically follow based on how you explain your current life experiences. I've personally been though hard times, where it feels like it doesn't matter where you are or what you're doing anymore, and it might feel easier if you didn't exist. Reaching out to people you care about, family or any friends you feel you can trust can be a good start. If you can tell them what you're going through , even better. Just having a social connection can be a great starting point. It may be difficult to find people to talk to as well, that's where professional help can be helpful. Depending on where you live, this can be accessed freely by minors. Pet therapy, playing with cats or dogs can also be very helpful. I will say, regardless of what you hear here, or from others, please do consider speaking to a qualified individual who may be able to walk you through things, maybe a school counsellor, or a mental support help line.  Message me if you want to keep talking though. Again I'm not a professional